The biggest lie of the Hell's Kitchen season finale wasn't "we ran out of wallpaper" or any of those other issues blown out of proportion to ratchet up the drama of the final showdown. It was three simple words at the beginning of the show: "Viewer discretion advised." Normally, you see, when I see those words, I expect some body parts, like a thumb or an arm, to get chopped off or something like that. But bleeped-out swear words? Kind of a letdown, actually.
Stop now if you don't want to know who won.
You know, I was pretty sure already that Bonnie wasn't going to win, but the moment that confirmed it was when she came out with her too-big master chef's jacket on, like a kid playing dress-up. Rock's, of course, fit perfectly, because he was the chosen one, foretold by bodog.com.
Look, everyone knew Rock was going to win. The instapoll voters knew, the internet gamblers knew, Rock's wife knew, even Bonnie knew. She wasn't all that upset when the winner was announced, she interviewed that she thought Chef Ramsay made the right decision, and when Rock said that he thought she was going to win, Bonnie, along with the entire viewing audience, answered, "Whatever."
And although the ending was a foregone conclusion, there was enough drama during the dinner service. More than enough, actually, to send this season of Hell's Kitchen out with a bang, or at least with a ****. There were problems of all kinds – food problems (Bonnie ran out of both fettuccini and prawns for her prawn fettuccini entrée), communication problems (Bonnie and her team couldn't hear one another over the roar of their own bootless efforts), and chef problems. Of course, for Bonnie's team, the problem chef was Julia – lethargic, grumpy, Rock-supporting Julia. Bonnie and Julia got into a major tussle over wrapping up goat cheese, of all things. So sad to see Julia in such a bad mood over not making it when Ramsay clearly has nothing but respect and admiration for her. You're good enough, Julia! Over on Rock's side, the problem was Josh, who learned absolutely nothing from his unceremonious defrocking a few weeks back, and still insisted on cooking orders in advance. It was fixed soon enough, when Rock switched Josh's and Vinnie's stations, but still – honestly, Josh, did you not remember being fired in the middle of service a few weeks back for doing that exact thing? Why? Just… why?
So everything fit for Rock - his dishes, his leadership skills, and his jacket - and everyone rejoiced at his victory. A satisfying season-ender, even if I never learned to root for Rock.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Hell's Kitchen: The kitchen coronation
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Hell's Kitchen: History repeating
I'm having the strangest feeling of déjà vu. And it's all Gordon Ramsay's fault.
Both last season and this season on Hell's Kitchen, the competition has boiled down to a final two consisting of a confident, assertive, capable chef, and a less experienced chef who owes her rise to the top to a palate that won't quit and, quite possibly, Chef Ramsay's hots for her. I mean, it may be just a coincidence that Bonnie and Virginia were the cutest chefs of their respective seasons, or it may be what sustained them through several eliminations. But there's no denying that Rock and Heather were both the frontrunners of their respective seasons, and I'm not just saying that because so many bets came in on Rock at the beginning of the season that betting was suspended on bodog.com.
Last season, though, the choice was clear. I'd been a fan of Heather for a while, and I was so happy to see her in the finale because she was the best of her season. This season, I don't know. I've never really felt like Bonnie was ready – she needed to spend a little more time in a restaurant kitchen – and Rock – what's the opposite of "grow on"? "Grow off"? If it is, then Rock has grown off me. As the season progressed, he became more of a bully, and his temper flared up more, often disproportionately to whatever the little annoyance was that pissed him off.
So who's going to win next week? If history is any indication, it'll be Rock. And who do I want to win? Rock again. I'm not a fan of his, but he is the better chef, he knows his way around a kitchen, and he knows what he's doing. Besides, it's not like there's anyone else from the ranks of the flame-outs that I want to see come back from elimination and win this thing, except maybe for Brad or Julia. Man, how awesome would it be if Brad and Julia were fighting it out?
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Food TV: Different shows, different flavor profiles
It's true that there's no shortage of cooking shows out there this summer. The third seasons of Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen, and The Next Food Network Star are all airing now, and, if you've seen them, you know that there's no way you could confuse them if you happened to catch just the tiniest snippet of them while channel-surfing. Because aside from the clear differences – Hell's Kitchen's Mr. Obvious narrator, the Graphics That Spell Check Forgot on Top Chef, and the cute little star graphics on The Next Food Network Star – and the fact that they all claim to be looking for the next great chef, they all test very different chefly abilities.
Maybe I've just become more appreciative of what happens in a restaurant kitchen since seeing Ratatouille – not that I'm saying that's the definitive word on the subject – but here's how I see them. Each has its own specialty, and is searching for a specific quality from its contestants. Top Chef is all about creation and innovation. The chefs create dishes using exotic ingredients or by putting a twist on an old standard. Hell's Kitchen is about working in a kitchen. Communication, pushing out dishes, doing prep work, et cetera. For the most part, Chef Ramsay doesn't care if you can create. He wants to know if you can do, and if you can cry, that's just a bonus. For The Next Food Network Star, it's about selling your dish, and yourself. Those chefs get to create dishes too, but mostly the judges want to know how you'll come across on TV, and whether you can refrain from calling Darryl "Chocolate Thunder" Dawkins "Chocolate Passion," as one hapless contestant did.
None of the shows is looking for a great all-around chef, then; one who can thrive in a restaurant kitchen and create innovative new flavors (although, ironically, the overwrought Hell's Kitchen may come closest). So let's say, for fun, that you threw the winners of all three shows into Kitchen Stadium for an ultimate cooking fight. Who would come out on top? If it's strictly based on cooking, the winners of Top Chef would have the edge, but if it's testing ability under pressure, or if it all suddenly turns into a knife fight, don't count out the winners of Hell's Kitchen.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Hell's Kitchen: The Names Have Been Changed, But That's All
Hide your meat tenderizers and your melon ballers; professional yeller and part-time chef Gordon Ramsay is back with a new batch of chefs for him to break down, build back up, break down again, and reward with a restaurant. Soon, one of these chefs will bask in the same glory as last year's winner, Heather, who is working in Las Vegas and has mostly gotten over the night terrors now. (Mostly.) Returning to help Ramsay out, with varying degrees of success, are Ramsay's largely mute sous chefs Scott and Mary Ann, perpetually abused maitre d' Jean-Philippe, and that irritating narrator who constantly states or recaps the obvious. It's helpful if you've just flipped back from another channel during the commercials or if you've left the room to get a snack, but otherwise? Shut up, narrator.
Now, Gordon Ramsay gets all the ink for being a scary guy, and he certainly doesn't make the environment a pleasant one in which to work, but the contestants do bring a lot of the stress on themselves. They cry, they refuse to work with each other – and what kind of an idiot do you have to be to talk back to Ramsay? Vinnie? Has that ever worked out well for anyone? Granted, he's going to yell at you no matter what you do, but there's no point in actively trying to make him lose his rag. And on the subject of Ramsay's treatment of his chefs, Ramsay seems reluctant to ridicule Eddie, who has a disease that stunts his growth, but he's got no problem taunting Aaron about his weight, and that's where it all starts to get uncomfortable. It's okay if he's calling his minions incompetent, because he does that to all of them, and he's done it so much it's lost all meaning. But personal attacks seem like a step over the line, even for a man who's become famous for being abusive. Random yelling and specific, localized yelling are very different.
Anyway, there are no surprises this season. Once again, the chefs are split into teams of men and women, and again, the teams screw up the dinner service so badly that Ramsay shuts the restaurant down halfway through. (It's appetizers that they ruin. Isn't it always appetizers?) The endlessly bickering, completely dysfunctional women's team is chosen as the losers, and Tiffany gets sent home for not turning out the appetizers. All of this is standard practice for Hell's Kitchen, and it won't really heat up until some chefs start to take charge and become frontrunners. Melissa and Brad distinguished themselves from the pack this week, but it's only one episode, and there are still plenty of services to be messed up. Allez bitching!
