The results are in from the season-long death match between CSI and Grey's Anatomy, and the winner is: CSI. CSI is the fourth-rated show of the year to Grey's seventh, and the only non-American Idol or Dancing with the Stars airing in the top five, but it still lost to Grey's Anatomy when the latter had a new episode. So how did it win the season? Repeats. And it's not like Grey's didn't have repeats all over the place this season. The fact is, everyone wants to know what's going to happen to the doctors in Seattle Grace – the relationships, the patients, the Sweeps Ferry Accident of Meredith's Doom and the subsequent Hospital of the Damned storyline – but it's all so utterly depressing and hopeless that no one wants to see it again. I know if I come across a Grey's repeat, I immediately think, "Oh, right, this is the one where Meredith/Cristina/Alex/George gets her/his heart stomped on," and then I don't feel the need to watch it anymore, because I could be watching something happier, like a murder mystery. Even the gruesome, frequently ironic deaths on CSI are preferable to watching characters I don't even like that much (but especially characters I do like) get emotionally beaten with a sand-filled sock. Again.
And yet – why can't I stop watching in the first place? Honestly, that show is like Pringles. You just can't stop yourself once you get going.
Monday, May 28, 2007
CSI vs. Grey's Anatomy: Round One
Friday, March 30, 2007
CSI: Autopsy of a Show
I watched CSI: Old School for the first time last night in quite a while, and found myself rather perplexed by my lack of enjoyment. I mean, the reason I stopped watching in the first place wasn't that I didn't like CSI anymore--it was that I simply liked Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy more. I used to look forward to CSI every week--the grim mysteries, the joyfully morbid tone, the bountiful schadenfreude...it was completely my cup of tea. The show hasn't changed at all since I stopped watching--same old gory crime scenes, same old morbid quips, same old annoying Catherine. It hasn't, like some other long-in-the-tooth dramas, gone perceptibly downhill until it's a pale shadow of its old self. It's just...not that interesting to me anymore. It's gone stale.
Why has the bloom faded? Is it possible that without any obvious decline in quality, the show has simply become boring? Repetitive? Do most dramas, even procedurals, have an expiration date, regardless of maintained quality? I've always felt sorry for the poor folks in England, with their abbreviated series format, but maybe they have the right idea. Keeping it fresh is much more interesting.
P.S. What the hell did they do to Greg?
Friday, December 08, 2006
CSI: Kentucky Fried Cruelty
Although I haven't been watching CSI this season, DawnWatch gave me a heads-up that last night's episode would feature a murder at a chicken slaughterhouse, and would air actual footage taken at chicken slaughterhouses. Since I'm a vegan and an animal rights activist, it was enough to get me to tune into CSI again. Plus, Grey's Anatomy was a repeat.
CSI has been honored by the Humane Society's Genesis Awards for a past episode which exposed the cruelty behind canned hunts, and an earlier episode in which Sara investigated gorilla poaching. Last night's episode, while using an...interesting...PSA by a murdered rock star played by Danny Bonaduce (to be clear, I personally do not equate eating chickens with eating starving African children), did a GREAT job of showing the actual conditions chickens are kept in and the cruel ways in which they are treated and killed at slaughterhouses. The investigation shown on the show actually mirrors a real-life investigation of a KFC-supplying slaughterhouse in West Virginia, and the video footage they used definitely came from that or a similar investigation.
Mad, MAD props to CSI for having the guts to air disturbing slaughterhouse footage and highlight the issue of animal cruelty. Plus, it wasn't that bad an episode, either. (Sorry 'bout the preachiness. But it's my birthday--I'm allowed!)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
CSI: Outprogrammed
It's getting to be more and more of a chore for me to write these CSI posts. It's all right to watch the episode, but when I sit down to write and I cast my mind over the episode to search out my opinions, I find… nothing. With the exception of Greg's beat down, this season has not grabbed my interest. And the beat down episode was affecting because of how well it was put together, in the case of the actual beat down, and written, in the case of the Sara/Greg scene afterward. Otherwise, I wouldn't care what happened to Greg, as this week's episode proved to me. It's his coroner's inquest, and despite the threats from a smug juror, a politically motivated judge, and an angry brother, I couldn't bring myself to be invested in the verdict. It doesn't help that this subplot should be driven by Greg's inner turmoil – his guilt over Demetrius' death, the need to reach out to the family – and Eric Szmanda is basically sleepwalking through the episode. I was also, as I was watching the inquest, comparing it unfavorably to any given episode of Justice. And it wasn't just "Damn, I wish we had some Victor Garber up in here." Because say what you want about Justice, but it knows how to keep your eyeballs glued to the screen once you start watching.
I don't know that it's CSI's fault. It's not a bad show. But there's a better show on at the same time, and in a couple of weeks, another show, also better, will move into the same time slot. ABC, NBC, and CBS have forced me to make a choice – and CBS lost. So long, CSI. I'll check in on you when Grey's and Scrubs are both repeats.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
CSI: Criminal? See Inside!
Criminals love Grissom. From Paul Millander to Zephyr to that kid who killed his parents with carbon monoxide to Hannibal Lecter, there's nothing that the really clever killers like more than to engage in a game of cat and mouse with Grissom. It's like playing chess against Deep Blue; they can't resist the chance to defeat the world's most coldly logical mind. This week's bad guy, a child molester with a master's degree, is no different. It's clear from about five minutes in that he's the one who abducted a pair of boys, so the remainder of the episode is devoted to proving it, all while he's in the interrogation room, ostensibly offering his insight into the mind of a pedophile. But, oh, silly Carl; they might not even have looked your way if you hadn't torched your car and blamed it on your neighbors. The body on the golf course doesn't help things either. Anyone else get the feeling that the golf courses in Vegas should be declared permanent crime scenes? All told, Carl is a pretty poor nemesis for Grissom, since he gets all whiny and defensive, coming up with an innocent explanation for everything, when Grissom confronts him with the facts. But the Teeny Tiny Crime Scene Killer returns next week, and who could be a more worthy adversary for Grissom than a guy who puts together painstakingly detailed dioramas of his crime scenes?
Greg's Beat Down Plot inches along, as Sara lets it slip that his coroner's inquest is coming up. This comes after Grissom breaks up Sara and Greg's lightswitch rave. Okay, so it's not a rave, it's just loud music, but they definitely could have been having a dance party just before Grissom came in. You kind of have to make up these things for yourself, because character development is minimal.
Speaking of minimal character development, Grissom's getting migraines, and based on this show's track record, they probably won't mention it again until the season finale, when he's diagnosed with a brain tumor or something.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
CSI: A Pat on the Back for Doc Robbins
I know that CSI was a rerun Thursday night, but I hadn't seen the episode before, and if you haven't seen it, it's new to you, right? So I want to give Doc Robbins mad props for baking a healthy vegan pie and sharing it with his co-workers. Way to spread the word that veganism can be healthy, Doc! Unfortunately, Catherine and Warrick get a wag of the finger for rudely expressing that the pie was gross. Boo, Catherine and Warrick! I mean, sure, when I make a vegan pie (in theory) it actually has sugar and stuff, which I believe the good doctor may have left out, but if a co-worker presents me with baked goods, I act appreciative!
So...um...way to go, CSI writers, for mentioning veganism in a semi-positive way. I feel like most of the time, it's in the context of crazy PETA activists, or something. It was a lovely break from the hot dog face-cramming that took up most of the rest of the episode. But I could have done without the "vegan baking is nasty" stereotype. Because it doesn't have to be!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The Most Interesting Part
Unless you've been living without cable or Internet access (but then, how are you reading this blog?), you've no doubt heard the announcement by T.R. Knight, of Grey's Anatomy fame, that he is gay. When I first heard this story, I admit, I thought it was a non-story. Yeah, so? I couldn't believe the news promo that my local ABC station ran during Grey's Anatomy on Thursday night. The announcer, in the same urgent tone used for "this household product can kill you!" and "warehouse on fire!" declared, "Grey's Anatomy star drops a bombshell!" You guys, he doesn't contain mercury. Settle down.
But I can't pretend that I don't care at all, because the fact is, the announcement did change my perception of him. First, I have to respect him for having the courage to come out. Second, the article that I read mentioned his guest spot on CSI. This shocked me, because I know almost every episode, and I didn't remember him. So I looked it up, and now I have to love him more. The episode is called "XX," and it features Knight as Zero, the mentally disabled brother of a guy who loses his entire custodial fund while gambling, and tries to make it up to Zero by killing himself and trying to make it look like a murder so his brother can get the insurance money. But the CSIs find out, and Zero is left alone and penniless. And from what I remember, Knight was heartbreaking. I really need to find that episode and watch it again, because damn, T.R. Damn.
Knight expressed in his interview the worry that his sexuality would become the most interesting part of him. I'm just one fan, T.R., but if it helps, it isn't for me. You are the guy who can make me laugh for five minutes, just because of the expression on his face ("What's this? Why, it's ANOTHER awesome B-movie!"), or who can break my icy, cynical heart with a scene I still remember two and a half years later. That is the most interesting part of you.
CSI: Bizarre Love Triangle
This week's episode is about why you should never get involved with a priest: specifically, because your jealous ex-lover and the father of your unborn baby will kill you, tie you to a cross, and hoist you from the rafters of said priest's church. Huh, look at that, I just gave you the entire plot.
Yes, after the excitement of Greg's beat down last week, we are given a fairly uninteresting episode. Greg himself is back at work, still with those ugly bruises, but otherwise okay. He and Catherine, whose father apparently did die, bond over work therapy. It's the CSI way, after all; once you've experienced a traumatic event, you bury it so deep inside you that it can never, ever come out, until the pain and grief finally suffocate under the crushing weight of denial. Greg's on the road to recovery!
And remember how I told you last week that Vicellous Shannon had something in store for Greg? Yeah, well, I still think so, but we didn't see him this week. You know, they'd better use him soon, or else the CSI viewers will forget all about Greg's beat down. Because the show will never mention it again.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
CSI: Federline Ruins Everything
I had a week to get ready for something really bad to happen to Greg. I saw the promos all week: "A CSI becomes a witness, a hero, and a victim." I knew what was going to happen from pretty much the first five minutes, once the gang started beating people. But I wasn't prepared. Knowing actually made it worse. Seeing Greg prance around in his suit, watching as Grissom sent him out into the field alone; the entire set-up left me curled up on my couch, chewing on my nails. This is rare example of previews actually not ruining the episode. What did almost ruin the episode is the festering black hole of suck that is Kevin Federline, but we'll get to that.
The most heartbreaking scene ever starts out with Greg on his way to a scene, passing an alley where he sees a beating in progress. He calls it in and, after a moment, decides he's got to do something. So he drives into the alley, horn blaring, but it's not until he flicks on the siren that the gang scatters. All except for one guy, who picks up a rock. And at first it seems that he's going to finish off the victim, but then he comes at Greg. So Greg hits him first – with the CSImobile. (In Greg's defense, it is a big rock.) And it's at this point that the other gang members materialize out of the night to drag him out of the car and commence a serious beating. You guys, Greg gets beat down. Down to the ground. And it's extremely painful to watch. It makes the time he got blown up look like an ice cream social. He's really not safe anywhere, is he?
And then, the second most heartbreaking scene ever. Sara, who is probably Greg's best friend on the team, comes to the scene. Greg has been stabilized, but he's still just lying in the middle of the alley (Ambulance, people! Look into it!), and Sara goes to kneel down by him. As she strokes his hair, he tells her about all the evidence they should be able to get from the scene: paint transfer on the CSImobile, skin cells under his fingernails from when he scratched one of the attackers. Sara tells him to shut up: "I came here for you, Greg." Awww! (Oh, stop screaming, Grissom/Sara shippers. She's not going to leave Grissom for him, so why can't you just relax and enjoy the sweet scene?)
The other CSIs are upset too, because while Greg may be an annoying little brother, he's still their little brother, and no one picks on him except for them, and maybe Hodges. Nick channels his anger productively by punching Kevin Federline in the gut. Of course, you don't have to be lashing out in grief and rage to want to punch Kevin Federline, so it could just be the "greasy, talentless slug" thing that sets Nick off. Whatever the reason, Nick's instincts are uncanny, because K-Fed, his own worthless self, turns out to be the ringleader of the gang and the only one who can be charged as an adult. As well he should be, because he's nearly thirty.
The guy Greg hit dies, and it's clearly the beginning of something big. Because you don't bring Vicellous Shannon on just to glare at Greg over his brother's dead body. Oh, no, not Keith Palmer. There is going to be some serious retribution, either street-style or civil litigation-style. Although, good luck winning a civil suit against the hero CSI with a face that looks like raw hamburger.
You know, it's too bad. This could have been an excellent episode. Instead, it's merely great, and it's Federline's fault. Why they chose to have this particular bit of stunt casting in such an important, emotional episode is beyond me. It was a distraction, because he's famous for nothing except being famous, and a detraction, because he can't act. They really should have gotten someone to play Pig who was closer to a teenager and who could project some actual menace. K-Fed? Well, he's nothing if not an actor, and he's not an actor.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
CSI: A Corpse Line
That title was for you, Liz. You're welcome.
This week, CBS's gimmick to lure you away from Grey's Anatomy is talking corpses. No, really. The victims from each of the four cases spend time between the investigations talking amongst themselves. I initially thought it seemed out of character for the show, but then I remembered that Rashomon-style episode from last season, where we learned that Greg's mind is a noir film. So it's not like CSI hasn't stepped outside the procedural box before.
The four cases are shown consecutively, so instead of having 48 minutes to make a couple of twists and turns, they have to wrap up in about 10. This makes for very straightforward cases, with no room for mystery. The way you think it happened is the way it really happened. So the real interest of the episode falls on the chatty corpses. Unfortunately, those scenes didn't work for me. The dialogue was flat and very nudge-nudge. Example: the woman whose brain fell out of her skull in a fall, who says that she thought her husband liked her for her brains, but "turns out he thought I never had any." Yuk yuk yuk! The only point at which I felt the idea was paying off was when the Marine, on first being wheeled into the morgue, asks the other stiffs if they've seen his wife and daughter and is relieved when they say no. Simple, understandable reaction. It's the difference between "What would dead people say?" and "What would people say if they found themselves dead?", if you see what I mean.
Charater updates: Sam Braun is most likely dead, and the same is true of Warrick's marriage. A gory crime scene reminds Sara of when she and Grissom first met (awwww). And Greg was an Eagle Scout. Those of you who know the show may be thinking, "Wait, Eagle Scout? Greg? Isn't he the guy who got a whole lecture from Warrick about being prepared?" Yes. Which makes him the worst Eagle Scout ever, if he can't even master the motto. Writers, are you picking up what you're putting down?
Saturday, September 30, 2006
CSI: Teeny Tiny Crime Scene!
Last week, CSI left two plot lines hanging, in the hope that you would be interested enough to skip Grey's Anatomy this week. Ha! Nice try, CBS! Anyway, let's check in with our storylines, already in progress: the miniature replica of a full-size crime scene, and Catherine, roofied and doing her own rape kit in a seedy motel.
Teeny Tiny Crime Scene: The CSIs are still peering at the scale model, and Sara gets in the best morbid quip with: "I think Malibu Barbie did it." Since Sara was the only girl on her block with Barbie's Dream Crime Scene, I think she knows what she's talking about. The music guys even get in on the fun with the Teeny Tiny Crime Scene Toy Piano, which plinks cutely over the processing scenes.
Turns out the victim is an aging rock star (played by Danny Bonaduce), but one who still has plenty of fans. In fact, the house is surrounded by groupies, which makes it nothing short of incredible that Greg actually manages to show up for work. I mean, if anything was a sure bet to waylay him, it would be a horde of shrieking fangirls. Also fans of Bonaduce are Grissom and Doc Robbins, who rock out over the body. Doc gets so into it that he actually belts out cause of death. As you can imagine, this instantly joins the "Chariots of Fire" bit as one of the funniest CSI moments ever.
But who did it? It's not the nanny (too stupid), the ex-wife (alibi), the current wife (alibi with the ex-wife), or the son (faints at the sight of blood), so Grissom's gang is out of suspects. But what about the baby, Gris? What about the baby?
Catherine's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day: Still determined to investigate her own rape under the table, Catherine calls Sara over to process the motel room while she takes DNA and trace over to the lab. Everything comes back negative, so she wasn't raped, but the motel owner and the bartender can't help her identify the man who drugged her. So she's at a dead end, and now Lindsey (remember her?) is mad at her because she was late picking her up from dance practice.
Could things get worse? Of course. Catherine gets T-boned at an intersection and Lindsey is stolen out of the back of the car. Sam Braun calls all too quickly to demand to know why she didn't tell him about the kidnapping. Seems he's getting his information from pictures he's received showing a drugged Catherine and a duct-taped Lindsey, along with ransom demands. Catherine blames Sam for what's happening.
She's right. They find Lindsey in the custody of the brother of last week's suicide victim, the man who killed himself after being cheated out of millions - by Sam Braun. But there's still one more suspect out there, the man who took Lindsey from the car. It's the dead guy's partner, who settles the score by shooting Sam right in front of Catherine.
And in other news, Ecklie may know about Grissom and Sara, in which case, he either a) is really, really, really observant, or b) has Grissom's townhouse bugged.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Cirque du CSI
When last we left the Vegas CSIs, they were holding vigil at Brass' bedside and two of them were about to have sex. Astoundingly, neither one of them was Catherine. Yes, after years of longing looks over corpses and bugs, Grissom and Sara finally got their act together. Which brings us to the new season.
Good news, everyone! Brass is back, now with a tattoo to commemorate his shooting. Sam Braun is back, too, because people keep dying around him. This time it's one of the investors in his new hotel. His case is a straightforward suicide. The other case this week, a death backstage at Ka, is an accident caused by a run-in with the moveable stage. The cases wrap up easily so they can get to setting up next week's episode.
Grissom and Sofia (Yeah, she's still there. I know, I forgot, too.) investigate a crime scene replicated in miniature - exactly - in a creepy little dollhouse. Catherine and Nick, on the other hand, have apparently wandered onto a WB show, because they're suddenly in the middle of a John Mayer performance. And everyone has fun until someone slips a mickey into Catherine's drink and she wakes up naked in a hotel room. And then she takes it upon herself to process her own crime scene. To be continued!
In character news: David the assistant coroner has a bad night, first grossing out the future in-laws, and then allowing a body to bleed out in the body bag, Warrick tells Hodges to shut up, because he can't hear it enough, and the Curse of the Ill-Advised Facial Hair claims another victim. Having apparently learned nothing from Grissom's beard and Nick's 'stache, Greg is sporting the kind of long sideburns that were popular only in the 70s, and, really, not even then. If things keep up like this, Doc Robbins is going to show up with mutton chops.
Oh, you want to know about Grissom and Sara? Did you really think they would address that? They're clearly still doing it, but the hottest thing between Grissom and Sara in this episode is the veggie burger he brings her. Of course, that is pretty hot for the two of them.
