I'm bottling up my usual Emmy results-related volcano of rage, so that on the happy day when I somehow meet all the Emmy voters I can finally allow it to spew forth, burying them in hot, angry lava. Thus, I'm not going to express my opinion of the horrendously unjust results here. Instead, here are a few of the highlights and lowlights from tonight's ceremony, in semi-chronological order.
Highlight: The Green Emmys! (And Al Gore!)
Highlight (the corresponding Lowlight is a very orange Teri Hatcher, but I didn't want to subject you guys to that):
Highlight: Stewie and Brian from The Family Guy singing the opening number, inasmuch as it meant that Ryan Seacrest would not be singing the opening number.
Lowlight: The weird-ass, completely impractical "theatre in the round" gimmick.
Lowlight: Ray Freaking Romano. It's not standup, Ray, and nobody cares what you're up to anymore. NOBODY CARES!
Highlight: Katherine Heigl clearly saying "shit" in her winning reaction shot, but getting the bleep-out and the quick cutaway.
Highlight: Christina Aguilera singing her ass off on live TV just a week after Britney tanked at the VMA's. Oh, snap! (Corresponding lowlight: Mad lack of Britney appearance as rumored.)
Lowlight to the millionth power: All that miniseries crap (AKA, time for me to go do the dishes, fold my laundry, and take a not-so-short nap). Who the H-E-double hockey sticks watches those things, anyway?
Highlight-turned-lowlight: The cast of Jersey Boys singing "Walk Like a Man" to clips of the Sopranos was a cute sendoff. Then, they sang two or three more songs. Shit like that is why the winners of the night's biggest awards always get cut off, like, two words into their acceptance speeches.
Highlight: Elaine Stritch. Crazy, or crazy like a hilarious, hilarious fox? I think the latter.
Lowlight: Bizarre personal video player product placement stunt during the award for best comedy writing.
Lowlight: Ryan Seacrest in tights.
Highlight: John Stewart and Steven Colbert giving Ricky Gervais's Emmy away to Steve Carell.
Highlight: America Ferrera's perfectly poised - but appropriately emotional - acceptance speech. Love! Her!
UPDATE - Lowlight: Sally Field being censored when expressing an anti-war sentiment. You know you're on Fox when they not only cut away/bleep the mild expletive, but manage to cut out the entire thought, even to the point where I couldn't tell what she was talking about or why they were cutting away for so long during the broadcast, and only realized it was about the war when reading the news this morning.
That's it for this year's Emmys! A mixed bag, to be sure, although I can't help but think it would have been almost tolerable if all that miniseries/TV special business were excluded. Ah, well. Congratulations to 30 Rock (not that a Best Comedy Emmy saved Arrested Development in the end, but it can't hurt, right?), and to all the other deserving winners.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Emmy Awards: The Highs and the Lows
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Burn Notice: Back with a vengeance
So what kind of awesomeness were we in for tonight? The very BEST kind--surprise plot twist awesomeness! Michael's friend Lucy, a corporate spy, offers him a job involving a woman whose abusive ex ran off with her son. He agrees to help the woman, Evelyn (played by Lucy Lawless, another cult favorite), in exchange for ID papers to help him travel to DC. I kind of question the assumption that, even with papers, he'd be able to leave town. I mean, he's not getting facial reconstructive surgery, right? So barring any Mission Impossible-style rubber masks, it seems like he's got no chance getting out of town, with or without a fake passport. Wouldn't his poster be all over the airports, even if he's not being tailed? That guy at the ID shop certainly had it. Well, at any rate, he's going to try and get to DC and confront El Burnerino.
Evelyn's case, for its part, hits very close to home with Michael. Plus, she hits on him pretty heavily. He's a pro, but I definitely got suspicious (along with Fiona). I mean, Evelyn was reaaaally selling the "damsel in distress" thing hard. And the parallels with Michael's life seemed a bit too convenient. However, I was thinking that Lucy betrayed Michael and threw Evelyn at him to keep him in town. How small my imagination was...because Evelyn's an assassin! SWEET! Turns out, the "abusive husband" is really her target (an accountant thinking about turning State's witness on the mob), and Michael led her right to him. This show is so cool, you guys. Just when you think it's going to zig, it zags, and then explodes a flaming tank of propane all over the Charger.
And apparently, Michael and Evelyn have a history. Intriiiguing. He almost busted her in Istanbul seven years ago, and she's been quasi-stalking him ever since--a hobby made easier since he got burned and his personal files were unclassified. In the end, though, all her stalking and weird seduction stuff proves pointless, as Michael finds her on a rooftop getting ready to shoot his new client, the accountant. Rather than be captured, she tells him that she wishes things could've been different, and takes a tail dive off the building. Dramatic 'til the end, that one. I have to admit, though, I was a little perplexed. Was she secretly in love with Michael? Working for someone else who was interested (not that way) in him? Just really manic-depressive? Hopefully joking when she asked that clichéd "what if things had been different between us?" question? Hmm.
My only complaint about this episode would have to be the Fiona/Michael stuff. Too many whiny conversations (in sometimes hard-to-understand accents--I'm looking in your direction, Gabrielle Anwar), too little seeing them as an actual couple. And it's weird, because normally I'm all about the strong female characters, but there's something about Fiona that just bothers me occasionally. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it could certainly be the extreme bobble-headedness. Seriously, somebody should probably feed that woman before Fiona actually becomes invisible in profile. Just sayin'.
In any case, all's well that ends well, and Michael doesn't even have to go to DC after all! Because, in the crowning achievement of this show's awesomeness, Richard Schiff, the man who burned him, is coming to Miami! Next week! In the two-hour season finale! (Yeah, I'm psyched already. What of it? The guy is awesome! Just like everything else about this show! Exclamation points all around!)
Tell Me You Love Me: Umm...not so much
Well, I saw the first episode of HBO's Tell Me You Love Me last night, and all I have to say is this:
Congratulations, HBO, on finally creating a show that combines your love of high-concept drama with your love of quasi-pornographic programming.
(Of course, the drama is pretty terrible, and the sex scenes aren't any better. But still...)
Top Chef: One-hour layover
Let's face it: being on a plane is boring. You're just marking time as you go from one place to another. Sometimes you read, sometimes you sleep, but you're not doing anything productive. The same is true of this week's episode of Top Chef.
So what's worse than being awakened by a bounding, tickling, entirely too perky Padma at six in the morning? Having to do a Quickfire challenge minutes later in your jammies. The Quickfire was, quite simply, to make Padma breakfast. Based on her giddy behavior and what the chefs tell us about her taste for alcohol, I wonder if this challenge didn't spring from a bright idea of Padma's after a long night of partying. "I am sooo hungry! Hey, you know what would be AWESOME? If I had my CHEFS make me BREAKFAST! I'm gonna go wake them up right now!" After Hung won, playing to the judge by slipping Grand Marnier into her smoothie, Padma distributed them all plane tickets to an exciting mystery destination! Could it be Paris? Tokyo?
Yeah, it was Newark. The chefs were all excited to go to New York, but suffered yet another bitter disappointment when they were told they would have to earn their way to Manhattan. Until then, they were stuck at the Newark airport, cooking business-class airline food for Continental. Anthony Bourdain was there, and he and Tom got along like gangbusters, griping constantly like Statler and Waldorf about the dishes that were set in front of them.
For no apparent reason, other than the fact that nothing else really happened this week, the editors were straining to create some drama between Hung and CJ. They hate each other! Really! Look, CJ is blaming Hung for spilling the truffle oil in front of Padma! And there's Hung, not helping CJ finish up when he's already done! How dare he? Honestly, it all came to nothing, but they had to pretend that something happened this week. But as annoying as Hung can be sometimes, and probably as irritating as he gets to the other chefs, they tolerate him much better than I would have expected. The mentality of this season is much different from last season's schoolyard bullying of Marcel. Everyone pretty much leaves Hung alone; either they've found better ways of dealing with their frustration, or they just keep it bottled up inside.
This week's elimination was based mostly on one of those bizarre, irrational, all-consuming hatreds that the judges sometimes get for a particular dish (like Tre's salmon dish of a few weeks back, the one that earned Ted's unforgiving wrath). This time it was CJ's broccolini, and as Tom and Anthony kept telling each other how much they hated the broccolini, fanning the flames of their hate, it became more and more apparent that poor CJ was going to get the boot, especially after Tom called it the worst dish they'd had in all three seasons. So with CJ gone, I think Hung may very well be the winner of this season, unless Dale can pull out a dark horse victory. Dale is quiet, and not too flashy, but he does consistently well, and I think he could easily make it to the final. For now, so long, CJ, and I hope you eventually got your slice of New York pizza, because they owe you. And make them take you to a club, because they owe you that, too.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Damages: Patty Hewes knows all your secrets
Yes! There has been a mystery solved on Damages! Have you been wondering why Ellen will be wearing underwear under a trench coat when she finds David dead? Did it keep you awake at night? You can sleep soundly now, my friend; the explanation is that her clothes get stained with blood from the fight in Patty's apartment, so she takes them off. Thanks, Damages! So that's one down, what, forty-seven to go?
(You know the rule: don't read if you don't want to know.)
With one mystery put to bed, another one immediately cropped up in its place: Patty Hewes' omniscience. How did she know about Gregory's stock sale and the job offer Tom extended to Ellen, when none of them told anyone about it? Spy satellites? Robot surveillance pigeons? Hypnosis? And how does she have time for surveillance with everything else she has to do, like try a case, figure out TiVo, and mess with people's minds?
It's a wonder that she even found time for negotiations with her son this week. Michael, still at reform school and looking eerily like Piz, intended to play some mind games of his own with Patty when she came to pick him up, telling her that he didn't want to go. Patty, approaching parenthood the way she approaches everything else, as a case to be won, consequently drew up emancipation papers and offered them for him to sign. Michael wasn't stupid enough to call her bluff, and backed down and came home. But it wasn't all mental chess games and maneuvering; there was a newfound understanding between Patty and Michael by the end of the episode, and they passed a few moments together in peaceful harmony. It was one of those scenes that remind you that Patty does have a heart – it's just really, really tiny.
Good thing we have those scenes to keep her grounded and human, because the rest of the time, Patty sees all and controls all. Even the way she served Gregory with his subpoena was a devious bit of theater: Gregory got served with the woman he bumped into trying to escape the creepy-looking (but ultimately harmless) guy following him. But after Fiske released Gregory from his protection and Gregory fell into the custody of Patty and her bodyguard, there was a development she didn't foresee, and I don't blame her. Who would have thought that Gregory would have been able to overpower his huge bodyguard and escape? Especially when the guy had been hanging out in a hotel room eating snacks and watching daytime TV for some time? That's a combination that would leave anyone soft. At any rate, Gregory must be sitting on some huge testimony (or, at least, he'd better be), because, as eager as Gregory is not to be deposed, the Frobisher camp is more eager to kill him to keep him from deposing.
Also this week, Patty, possibly to amuse herself, played with the trust between Ellen and Tom, asking Ellen if Tom gave her a job offer a few weeks ago. Tom and I both agreed that if Patty's asking, it means she already knows, but Ellen lied anyway and then had a crisis of conscience about it. Should she tell Patty the truth? What if Tom told Patty? To whom should Ellen be loyal? In the end, Ellen made a pact with Tom that they could always trust each other, and I'll let you guess just how quickly it was broken. Yep, Tom confessed about the job offer. You know, in at least one way, Tom is more intriguing than any other character. Unlike every other duplicitous person on Damages, Tom tends to be an easygoing Boy Scout type, which just makes his double-dealings all the more dirty.
In our jaunt to the Future this week, Ellen and Tom reiterated (will reiterate?) that loyalty to each other, and Ellen begged Tom to find the missing Patty. While Tom claimed to have no idea where she was, of course he called her up straightaway. And to her credit, Ellen will have gotten a clue by then; she told Nye to follow Tom, as he'll lead them to Patty. After weeks of just crumbs, it was great to have some really meaty developments in the Future storyline. For the first time, I want to know what happens next to Future Ellen, not what came before. Damages has really turned the game around on that front, and now I can start to see what a second season would be like.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Eureka: Losing my religion
I mean, I'm willing to accept that a town like Eureka has a church, and that a few people in town actually attend it on a regular basis. There's no law preventing scientists from being spiritual, or even religious (aside from perhaps that big one...but we won't get into that here). However, I do take issue with the fact that a seemingly unrelated string of odd events--group laryngitis, red water in a fish tank, bioluminescent skin (which aren't even obviously religious in nature)--would send the genius scientists running into church to pray that the end times aren't nigh. There have been plenty of crazy, unexplainable events before that didn't cause everyone to abandon science altogether. That's not the Eureka we know and love! It just seems out of character to me, and thus distractingly contrived.
Plus, the cause of all the crazy problems seems similarly convenient. A grieving widow wants to go to heaven to see her husband again, and invents a crystal radiowave temporal-rift-creating machine, which just happens to cause the exact, but varied, biblical-style problems in homes with crystalline glass? I'm not quite buying it, which is surprising, because while Eureka's plots often seem far-fetched, the storytelling doesn't usually strike me as lazy. I'm also not quite sure what to think about Kevin/the artifact curing Allison vs. Carter curing her by turning off the machine. I'm sort of taking it as open to interpretation, although Stark seems pretty sure of Kevin's abilities.
A few other notes:
- Jerky Awesomington, or "Zane," is back! And dating a very, very hot-looking Jo. Like, wow. At any rate, I think it's sad that Jo's worried he's too smart for her, when she should really be worried that he's too much of a jerk for her. He totally bashed her practical job in favor of his theoretical work, which is just rude, even if he does believe his work is superior.
- Man, I can't wait for the Carter/Evil Henry situation to blow up. Now that Carter remembers Henry telling him that he blames Carter for Kim's death, and now that he saw Henry recklessly wondering whether Kim was on the other side of the "portal to heaven," I think he may realize the danger and extent of Henry's obsession (although probably not entirely what he did to Carter's memory). Although the episode ended with Carter confirming their friendship, I think Carter is probably feeling anything but.
- Carter looks really hot in his Sunday best (with no sign of the dry cleaner, hmm). And I sincerely hope that Zoe's fake tattoo (a cliché rose tramp stamp) isn't what she's really planning on getting. Because I expect better of Zoe.
Clark Duke: Awesome, or Super-Awesome?
By now, you guys know I love me some Clark Duke. He rocked my summer with both Clark and Michael AND his consistently scene-stealing (show-stealing?) performance as Dale on Greek. And who could forget his memorable turn as "Party Teenager #1" in Superbad?
Well, ABC Family has a funny video up on their site in which Clark and Trevor Moore (from The Whitest Kids U'Know) are unleashed at Comic-Con with a camera, a microphone, and a couple of ideas for awesome, awesome superheroes. Zach Quinto from Heroes is one of several special guests!
[Via Pop Candy]
Monday, September 10, 2007
Greek: Lies and the lying liars who tell them
Man, tonight's season finale certainly was action-packed! And as usual, we learned a valuable lesson from the good folks at Greek, this time about how lying is bad and prone to backfiring. Mostly. Except when it's kind of not. Thanks, Greek!
The trouble largely stems from a big expose on the Greek system and its partying, sex-crazed ways published in the campus newspaper (Dale: "Finally the liberal media gets something right." HA!). After the Dean of Students announces that everyone's on triple secret probation, Frannie's all for a witch hunt to find the "rat" feeding stories to the paper, until Casey points out that most of the examples published had to do with Zeta Beta Zeta, thus making their sorority the most likely source of vermin.
And (gasp!) Jen K is the rat! She fesses up to Rusty that she's been undercover all year for the school newspaper, which is quite competitive and goes for flashy articles. He's really upset, especially since he and his sister's personal lives were (albeit anonymously) described in the article. But, okay, I one hundred percent don't buy that the AP would be picking up this article for national syndication. I mean, how shocking could sex, cheating, and drinking possibly be in a large school's Greek system? That's hardly newsworthy, let alone on the national wires. But whatever. Casey and Frannie are also understandably upset when they find out, especially since a national representative from the sorority (played by Charisma Carpenter!) is coming to see if they deserve to keep their charter. Frannie tries to chalk it up to Jen K being a pathological liar, against Casey's advice.
Casey and Ashleigh lure Cordelia to a "Greek-Free Zone" (a poetry reading), and Casey lays some truth on her, agreeing to take the fall in order to save the chapter. Of course, this selflessness pays off (as it always seems to on television), and Cordelia ends up removing Frannie as president and installing Casey in the interim. Frannie and Casey have officially moved from frenemies to enemies, especially after Frannie goes to Evan and tells him that Casey stayed with him for political reasons after he cheated on her, and is totally still into Cappie. Evan doesn't take this very well, especially after Casey admits to kissing Cappie, and breaks it off with Casey. Fair enough, I suppose, although it's kind of ridiculous to see him getting all holier-than-thou when his cheating caused all these issues. "You jerk, you stuck with me solely for political gain after I cheated on you" just doesn't seem that sympathetic to me, somehow. I mean, not to use the obvious and dated example, but I don't think anyone's all, "Poor Bill--Hillary only stayed with him after he hooked up with an intern to keep up her image."
Aaanyway, in the meantime Casey has convinced an uncertain Rusty to break it off with Jen K. He wonders what makes this situation different from the situation when Evan cheated on her, and Casey claims it's because Jen K betrayed his friends and family as well as just him. I kind of think Casey might be using that as an excuse to keep Rusty from making the same mistake she made by staying with Evan. So this episode leaves Jen K sad, friendless, and boyfriendless, all because she lied to get ahead.
However, ABC Family would also like us to see the dangers of not lying, because family programming is all about the mixed messages. You see, Ashleigh, somehow, hasn't gotten the 411 on Calvin's sexuality, and awkwardly and horribly tries to seduce him after breaking up with Travis. So! Uncomfortable! At first, it seems like a total "don't lie to your friends about your sexuality because it will only end in awful, awful awkwardness" moral, but after Ashleigh gets over her embarrassment and decides to be a friend to Calvin, she accidentally outs him to his fraternity. Um, yikes. So...keep on lying to friends who are too ditzy to be trusted with secrets? Calvin's furious at Ashleigh, and the brothers are really uncomfortable and quiet around him until he just takes off his pin and leaves. Aww.
Finally, in his last night on campus before heading home for the semester break, Rusty stumbles upon Cappie and Rebecca Logan in bed at the frat house. EW. So to recap: Casey and Evan - broken up. Cappie: Just slept with Casey's sworn enemy. Rusty: Totally knows about it and is going on a ten-hour road trip home with Casey. Hmm...something tells me that the second season premiere in '08 might be a bit explosive. I kind of can't wait.
The 4400: All the cool kids are getting injections
You can't say nothing happened on The 4400 this week. With only a week to go before the season finale, there was enough action in this episode to get everyone who cares about the fate of the promicin-enhanced world keyed up for next week. Deaths! Shootings! Arguments! Kidnapping! Nanotechnology! And injections! Lots and lots of injections!
(Unless you want details, don't read any further.)
Evil "Tom" from the future was all about causing trouble this week, and I must say I liked it. "Tom" has turned out to be a very good villain; he's arrogant and irreverent, and I'll miss him when we inevitably have to go back to Vanilla Tom. Rocky Road "Tom" cut a swath of destruction starting with Maia, who he injected with a temporary inhibitor to keep her from having visions. This came after an extremely creepy moment when "Tom" picked Maia up from school and proved that "Don't talk to strangers" is a good rule, but is woefully limited when we start to talk about body snatchers. "Don't trust anyone, not even me, unless I give you the secret password, and even then, get ready to run" would probably be a better rule around the Skouris household. After Maia, "Tom" went on to kill Curtis Peck for talking to Diana and Meghan, and then harassed Diana a little bit about her inability to hold on to a man. It was after she had confronted him about being marked, and yes, he's a bad guy, but still – jerk. And why is that always relevant in cases like these? Every time you see a male-female pair of partners arguing, the guy always brings up the woman's lack of a love life and tells her that he is the longest relationship she's ever had. I think what I mean to say is: shut up, "Tom."
Everyone else at NTAC – who had a speaking role, that is – was concerned with only one question: how do you solve a problem like "Tom"? And what is the problem, anyway? The quasi-scientific answer was that the future agent personality is spread through the system with nanites, which you will remember, in their friendly version, from MST3K. The only way to get rid of them, explained Marco, was to subject Tom to a huge dose of radiation, which would kill both the nanites and Tom. But once Diana confronted "Tom," they knew that he knew that they were on to him, and they had to lure him to an ambush. "Tom" dispatched Meghan easily (NTAC bosses are never very resilient anyway), and then it was all down to "Tom" and Diana. He sneered at her a little, told her she'd never shoot him, but then she proved him wrong. Yep, she shot him, and right in the gut, too. Between that and their other confrontation, it was a good week for Diana kicking butt. And I never get tired of seeing that.
In other news, Tess got herself a bunch of useful and obliging p-positives and rescued Kevin from Promise City. Yay! Kev was then free to continue work on the compatibility test, which Danny (Farrell? Shawn's brother? You remember) took him up on. And thanks to Danny's massive corpus callosum, always a hit with the ladies, he was able to take the shot and survive. However, the same was not true of Danny's mother, who had a bad promicin reaction, what with the coughing up blood and the bleeding from the eyeballs. Was it his ability? Danny certainly talked enough about wanting to be a healer to tempt the fates and bring the irony of anti-healing down on his head.
Isabelle, meanwhile, did her thing and abducted Jordan from Promise City (it was a bad week for the Promise City security team), but not before getting some sweet lovin' from Kyle. And once Jordan was in "Tom's" clutches, "Tom" menaced that he would make Jordan a "traitor to his cause." Jordan underwent a similar procedure to being marked, in which they pumped some liquid into him that would make him use his ability to take away others. Apparently, the future has never met a problem that it didn't try to possess.
What will happen in the finale? Will Tom survive? Will "Tom" survive? Will Jordan and Danny go on unwitting rampages? I'm excited – are you?
Thursday, September 06, 2007
An Open Letter to the Food Network
Dear Food Network,
It has come to my attention that you recently fired Mario Batali, indisputably one of the best chefs on your network, while Sandra Lee's reign of terror continues unabated. This is simply unacceptable. I don't watch the Food Network to have someone tell me to sprinkle some spices on pizza crust from a can and call it naan. I'm pretty sure I could figure that one out by myself, or make actual naan with a little more effort, and for much less money. But I digress--surely there are people out there who appreciate being told how to spend half their time heating up frozen green beans, and the other half creating a "tablescape," otherwise Semi-Homemade wouldn't exist.
And I'd imagine Mario was costing you money without delivering in the ratings department, otherwise you wouldn't be cancelling his show. But isn't there something to be said for keeping a small group of talented chefs on your network, solely to maintain your reputation as a source for quality food programming? Pretty soon, you'll just be left with shows that feature deep-fried cheesecake and food prepared by racing around manically without pausing to enjoy the process, or shows that don't even have anything to do with cooking at home (I'm looking at you, every show on Food Network Nighttime).
Which, fair enough, you're not the "Cooking" Network, and you do still have Alton Brown, who is all kinds of awesome. But still, I have to wonder: if Mario Batali looked like Giada De Laurentiis (and did that crazy orgasmic moan every time he tasted a dish), would he have been given his pink slip? I'm betting not, no offense to Giada, who is certainly one of the your better chefs.
I understand that your network may be headed in a different direction, but I still think there's something to be said for the value of a cooking show featuring a great chef, even if it isn't flashy or targeted at some specific demographic. Is there no room on the Food Network for viewers who aspire to more than just weeknight meals and frozen vegetables? Sadly, it appears not. How disappointing. I'll leave Alton on my season pass, but I fear that my days of channel surfing to your network in hopes of finding something enjoyable to watch may be over.
Sincerely and disappointedly,
Liz
Top Chef: Every party has a pooper
Previously on Top Chef, Sara feared that everyone would start asking awkward questions about her prodigious chopping skills, acquired while she was a child chef for the mob. The secret love of Casey and Howie remained very, very secret. Hung got amnesia and forgot that he was better than everyone else. CJ continued cooking to make his parents happy, even though his real dream was to join the Harlem Globetrotters. Dale, due to an accident involving sweet and sour pork, developed split personalities: one friendly and smiling, the other bitchy and awesome. Brian confessed his addiction to uppers, weeping to Zack that he was "so excited… so scared!" Tre discovered Gail's evil plan for world domination, but she shut him up for good by dropping IQF blocks of capellini and alfredo sauce on him. Ted had a meeting with the mysterious Blog Lady. And Tom ran upstairs two at a time, flung open the door, and shouted, "Ha ha! Caught you, Padma!"
Or none of that happened, and we got a week off after Tre was cut.
We started out this week with what was probably the most entertaining Quickfire Challenge ever. It was also the most needlessly complicated Quickfire ever, as the chefs were all charged to make dishes using items in only one aisle of the supermarket, with $10 and a small selection of items from the pantry. But whatever, the rules didn't really matter – it was what the chefs created that was the point, and what they created was hilarity. Brian had a Spam epiphany (no, for real) and won the challenge, making a "Spam believer" out of the guest judge. CJ cracked everyone up when he mentioned that he'd sweetened his dish with salt. And then there was Hung, who completely let himself go and made what Dale called a "Smurf village" out of food. It was truly amazing. Unfortunately, Howie ruined all the fun by not making anything at all. Boo. It was all going so lovely, too.
The Elimination Challenge challenged the chefs to cater a party on a yacht, using the tiny yacht kitchen. Before you ask, it was indeed high enough to accommodate CJ, but that didn't stop him from banging his head on the ceiling a few times just to prove a point. The chefs made a wide variety of hors d'oeuvres, which was both good and bad: they were scarfed up almost as soon as they left the kitchen, but Tom complained because the appetizers were all average, and he wanted them to do three really well. And if they had done three, Tom, you would have complained about the lack of variety. Your job is to find fault.
However, I can't fault the judges for finding the hors d'oeuvres uninspiring, for the most part. I've actually made one of them – Hung's salmon cream cheese spritz on a cucumber, to be exact – myself. And I can't cook worth a damn. That is how mindless that particular appetizer was. So, even though the judges always seem to be disappointed in the contestants, I think they had some justification this week. And anyway, it was only Hung, Dale and his runny yogurt, Brian the team leader, and Howie and his two gross-looking appetizers who were really in trouble. Casey, for making the hors d'oeuvre that pleased the judges the most, won the challenge and was rewarded with a laptop. How bad must the chefs who won wine and books be feeling right now?
As for the one who went home – it wasn't Brian, who I feared it would be after he interviewed about how much he missed home. Noooo, Brian! Interview and ye shall receive! Instead – well, here's the thing. One of the storylines this week was "Howie becomes a team player, finally." Howie made an effort to work with everyone else, didn't complain so much or make as many difficulties, and felt so much a part of the team that he decided to quit to save Brian. Of course, the judges don't like having the power of elimination taken away from them, so they denied him. And then they ended up eliminating him anyway. The judges' point: their word is law!
So did Howie really become part of the Top Chef team? Probably, He certainly seemed to work better with everyone else this week. But he also wasn't really into the competition anymore – he looked listless and couldn't have been too interested in winning anymore if he was willing to quit. I think his change of heart had everything to do with losing his competitive drive. He didn't have to be a jerk anymore, he didn't have to finish the Quickfire if he didn't want to, and he could make up his past behavior by trying to do something nice for the others before he left. It seemed to be Howie's intention all along to leave.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Damages: She's not that innocent
Damages began with a simple premise: innocent law school grad gets tangled up with worldly, scheming attorney. Well, actually, it wasn't that simple, and things have only gotten more complex as the season has progressed. And now it seems that the naïve newbie is getting more complex, too. Could it be that our sweet little ingénue Ellen is becoming one tough chick? It's about time, considering that in three and a half months she'll be fighting with her would-be assassin and staring down the police in the interview room.
(Spoilers, people! Watch out!)
This week, Ellen located Gregory and coolly issued him an ultimatum: come to Hewes & Associates willingly within 24 hours, or get subpoenaed. Of course it didn't come from her, it came from Patty, but she still made it look like she was in control and she knew what she was doing. I haven't been rooting for Ellen much so far, but I was then. Nice one, Parsons. Ultimately, Gregory did decide to come in from the cold, but got spooked and ran off after he dropped the hint that it's not about the broker. And after nearly getting killed, Gregory ran to Ray Fiske for protection.
Oh, and by the way, Frobisher is the guy who's running the guy who's running Gregory, just in case you didn't know that. I honestly can't remember if the show's made it obvious before now, because I always just assumed that it was Frobisher behind it all. If they didn't, it is him, and you all can collect on your bets or say "I told you so" to your friends, or whatever you need to do to acknowledge the fact that you called it.
Aside from that, the Frobisher case mostly took the week off. Frobisher got the idea to write up his memoirs, in a desperate attempt to make himself less loathsome to the public, but the plan hit a snag when he assaulted his ghostwriter. Not to say that it wasn't tremendous fun, and somewhere along the way I ended up hating the sniveling little ghostwriter quite as much as Frobisher did. The magic of Danson, I tell you. Who knew it existed?
Fiske, meanwhile, was having weird dreams about his teeth falling out, which were apparently supposed to mean that he was afraid of other people finding out a secret. So it looks like Fiske is next in line to give up his dark secrets – everyone else has by now.
Hey, remember Lila, the girl that David was all set to have an affair with? Remember how I thought it would make David more interesting? Yeah, funny story about that. Lila, like every other character on the show aside from David and, arguably, Ellen, is not who she seems. She lied about her dead grandfather, will lie to the Future Police, stole David's keys, and did her level best to seduce David, but to no avail. So David continues his reign as the Perfect But Boring Boyfriend, while Lila is either a crazy stalker or working for someone. And on this show, it's probably the latter. Who isn't working for someone? But as Lila was inside their apartment while Ellen and David were in the tub, I wouldn't rule out "crazy stalker" just yet. It would almost be refreshing for someone on Damages to be simply a crazy stalker, with no other agenda – if it weren't just a tiny bit disappointing.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Eureka: Now you see them...
Let's tackle the invisibility crisis first. Seems there are certain chemicals missing all over town, as well as radioactive isotopes run amok at GD. Oh, and cars hitting invisible objects before turning invisible as well. Hmm. In fact, after Carter cuts himself on Zoe's now-invisible super-Smart Car, he starts turning invisible himself. Yep, the invisibility is infectious (also radioactive and deadly). Look, Sci Fi execs...I don't watch this show for an invisible Jack Carter, you know what I'm saying? Fix it!
Apparently, invisibility is illegal in Eureka, with a treaty to back it up. However, the likeliest suspect for the current crop of invisible chaos is a CIA surveillance expert who worked on the original invisibility research before it was shut down. An invisible Carter and an extremely scared Fargo go hunting for the invisible spook, and are successful in retrieving both his research (yay) and his invisible, radiation-poisoned body (uh-oh). The moral to this story, though, besides "invisibility is bad," is "ask for help," because it seems the spook could have been cured with a little teamwork and chemistry.
Thus, happily, Carter is cured and able to go on a date with Callie. Who's Callie, you ask? Why, she's the town drycleaner/invisibility expert who happens to be a hottie with a thing for men in uniform. What, you never noticed her before? Good job predicting the incoming non-Allison love interest, readers--it wasn't the veterinarian, but still! Allison, for her part, seems to be growing closer to Stark.
Speaking of Stark and the lesson about teamwork, his new alliance with Henry is pretty interesting. I mean, I know they used to be friends, but I feel like Stark is the shady new best friend for the shady New Henry, where Carter was the happy-go-lucky best friend for the happy-go-lucky Henry. They're both very worried about what Henry told Carter during his stupid period last week, and don't want Carter messing around with anything that could harm GD. I'm especially surprised that New Henry is trusting Stark with Beverly's recalibration device that sabotaged Kim's artifact project. I thought New Henry was all secretive and paranoid!
Back to the lesson about invisibility, we've got Zoe and her nerdy new boyfriend. See, at first, he was the socially invisible but perfectly nice geek. But after being partnered up with Zoe for a school project and calling her out for ignoring him just because he's all quiet and nerdy and she's a "hot girl," he totally gets some makeout action, and Zoe finds someone she really clicks with. Unlike Jasper, who doesn't respect her for her mind. Good for Zoe, I guess, although it's certainly bonus when the geeky quiet kid is also really hot. Ah, young TV love.
Finally, Jerky Awesomington, last week's sociopathic genius, seems to have gone missing for the duration of this episode. Or (dare I say it?) invisible... Well, here's hoping he'll be back next week. He was pretty interesting, and I'd love to see Fargo fight it out with him for Jo's affections.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Greek: A passive-aggressive throwdown
Tonight on Greek, passive-aggressive behavior was at an all-time high. And, for the record, it didn't pay off. So I wouldn't bother with that note you're about to leave for your messy roommate--it'll probably just turn into an escalating prank war, or backfire and make everything think you're a jerk.
First up on the passive-aggressive train are Dale and Rusty, who are having the oldest roommate conflict in the book, with a bit of a twist: Rusty wants the room to himself now and then so that he and Jen can hook up more often, but Dale's against sinning and all, so he's not really on board. Oh, Dale. Being sexiled is like a rite of passage freshman year of college! But fair enough--I guess you bring moral objections to the table as well as logistical ones. Anyway, at first Dale agrees to vanish for an evening so that Rusty and Jen K can do the nasty.
However, when Rusty ditches Dale at a nerd lecture, Dale gets all jealous and passive-aggressive, angrily denouncing the presence of Rusty's milk in his fridge and filling the fridge with his own, labeled milk. Rusty fights back in what becomes a war of passive-aggression at a level previously unknown to man. They're typing loudly, people, and tapping their feet against the bed!!! Dale finally bites the bullet and tells Rusty that he feels like Rusty is throwing their friendship out the window, and Rusty replies that they're not friends at all, just roommates. OUCH. Happily, Jen K patiently reminds Rusty that he and Dale are, in fact, friends, despite Dale's conservative religious views, so those two crazy kids are able to work it out and stay roommates. Phew. Rusty clearly handled this situation better than I did with my (first semester only...) freshman year roommate, though to be fair, my roommate and I were not at all friends, and she called my music "satanic" in the first conversation we ever had. (For the record, it was Moby.)
In other passive-aggressive news, we have an ugly situation at ZBZ. It's the time of the year when the "Omega Chi Sweetheart" is elected from the sorority ranks, an honor which is apparently mandatory for any incoming ZBZ president. (So, does ZBZ win every year, then?) At any rate, Casey is selected as the ZBZ finalist, which leads to much screaming and jumping up and down. However, Frannie (the current ZBZ president) is apparently in need of a few extra credits to graduate, and thus will be remaining in school for a fifth year. Aaaand, she decides to run for Sweetheart again, and gets very, very unhappy when Casey refuses to drop out of the race.
Thus, Frannie resorts to passive-aggressive warfare, which becomes openly aggressive when she calls a plumber and puts Casey's name on the work order, thus trapping Casey at the house during the Sweetheart ceremony until the plumbing work is completed. How Cinderella! Luckily, Jen K is able to help with the plumbing (riiight...), and Casey is able to attend the ceremony after all. She gives a really guilt-inducing speech about passing the torch and having a selfless mentor for all things Greek, and wins the vote for Sweetheart (oh-so shockingly). Frannie, it seems, wasn't too touched by the speech, either, and the race for next year's president is ON.
Last but most certainly not least, Cappie participates in a psychology experiment which entails sitting in a room for 30 hours with Rebecca Logan while she administers tests that I thought I'd never have to hear about again after I finished my psychology major. Nothing much happens (we learn that Cappie apparently has hippie parents and an embarrassing real name), though Cappie and Rebecca are getting along fairly well by the end of the experiment. Cappie uses his earnings to pay Casey back for last week's strip club bailout. Aww...he really does care!
And that's it for the penultimate episode--next week is the season finale, so start psyching yourself up now! From the preview, it looks like there will be some heavy drama.
Flight of the Conchords: Arf arf!
Dear HBO,
Seriously? Airing the season finale of the best show of the summer over Labor Day weekend? Seriously?? That's not cool, guys. Just not cool. However, I forgive you, since you renewed Flight of the Conchords for a second season.
Love, Liz
Well, if you were out treating Sunday night like it was Saturday (as I was), you definitely missed out on another quality Conchords episode--one which broke the mold a little. Light on Conchords songs, heavy on bongos and angry dances, the season finale saw Murray adding Todd, a bongo player, to the band. Todd, aside from being a terrible bongo player, has far less hair and is substantially shorter than Bret and Jemaine, and wears an unfortunate leather jacket. His interests include "kicking grooves," "banging tunes," "getting it on," making crazy intense faces while drumming, and ending all songs with a ten-minute bongo solo. Oh, and possibly hooking up with Mel. And renaming the band "The Crazy Dogggz," because "Flight of the Conchords" is apparently too long and boring.
When Jemaine tries to kick Todd out of the band, Todd convinces him to fire Bret instead, which actually works out pretty well for us, since Bret does a super-amazing angry dance. So cool, in fact, that words alone can't do it justice:
Meanwhile, Todd is taking over the band and trying to force Jemaine into playing "The Doggy Bounce," a cheesy dance tune that's apparently more about scoring chicks than playing quality music (much like Todd). When Bret isn't allowed back into Conchords, even as a roadie, he starts a new band called "The Original Flight of the Conchords" with Demetri, who plays the keytar. And what's even awesomer than a keytar? The fact that Demetri is played by the comedian/Daily Show correspondent Demetri Martin. Rock! Tension builds, though, as Demetri copies everything Bret does, and Todd becomes increasingly out of control with the bongos. However, Bret and Jemaine still think they're better off in their new bands, and the larger audiences at their gigs inexplicably seem to concur.
Murray comes up with the idea of a four-person supergroup, since both bands are playing the same songs anyway, but Demetri and Todd opt to quit and form the Crazy Dogggz instead. And yeah, they totally hit it big with "The Doggy Bounce" (Arf arf). Like, stadium tour big. They even steal Mel! And Murray, who is now wealthy! Which, good for Murray, since he was certainly abused (mostly unintentionally, of course) by the guys, but it seems he doesn't really have time for Flight of the Conchords and their gigs at the library anymore. Aww. The season finale ends on an angry note, with another angry dance by the guys. Don't worry, Bret and Jemaine--the Crazy Dogggz have "one hit wonder" written all over them.
Well, it's been a great season, and I'll definitely be watching and re-watching all the episodes on my DVR until the new season begins "sometime next year." I somehow feel like my favorite returning comedies will feel a bit disappointing without the characters breaking into hilarious, hilarious song, but I guess I'll get over it in time. Sigh...
Thursday, August 30, 2007
What has two thumbs and can't wait for The Office season premiere?
This girl!
"What The Office did on their summer vacation":
The awesomeness is almost too much to take. Too much to take! I'd quote my favorite lines from the above promo, but then I'd pretty much be transcribing the entire thing, so you should probably just watch it.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
K-Ville: The Big Not-So-Easy
Today marks two years since Hurricane Katrina made landfall in Louisiana, devastating the city of New Orleans. And in those two years, TV has done its part to acknowledge and remember what happened in the Big Easy and its aftermath, from documentaries, both Spike Lee- and Discovery-helmed, to special episodes of shows like Dirty Jobs and Law & Order: SVU, to Anderson Cooper, Keeping Them Honest as he does, and even plot points on failed shows like Runaway and Studio 60. Now Fox is bringing us K-Ville, an entire show about life in New Orleans post-Katrina, and it's the sort of show that makes you wish that it would last a while, to keep the focus on the rebuilding efforts. That is, the idea makes you wish it would last a while. The execution leaves something to be desired, as I discovered when I watched the pilot on Fox.com.
The writing is often heavy-handed, with one character more or less getting the words "REDEMPTION ARC" tattooed across his forehead, and another character hiding a Dark Secret that seems to primarily exist as an incentive to keep people watching. However, much of the ham-fistedness is focused in the character of Marlin Boulet, played by Anthony Anderson, who in recent years has almost entirely redeemed himself for Kangaroo Jack. Boulet is a dedicated cop fighting to rebuild his city, and particularly his hood, the Ninth Ward. They're admirable sentiments that unfortunately take the form of speechifying, and they don't always work, especially his paean to the cypress tree early on in the episode. (Of course, I freely admit that one of my pet peeves is laymen using the scientific name of something for no reason, as Boulet does.) However, K-Ville does prove that it can successfully marry the activist and cop elements of the show, by showing us how much Boulet knows and loves his hood, and how hard he tries to protect it. That, I think, is the line K-Ville should be walking.
That said, there is promise. The show does well getting across the flavor of New Orleans, as diluted by Katrina as it is. Boulet gets interesting when he drinks on the job and gets into tricky negotiations with his wife about moving back home with their daughter. Boulet's partner, Trevor Cobb (Cole Hauser), is the character who is Not What He Seems, and, perhaps because of that mystery, and contrasted against the fact that Boulet is pretty much an open book, he's the more compelling of the two. While I wasn't particularly impressed with the reveal of the Dark Secret, I won't deny that it makes for a potentially rich backstory.
But it's only the pilot, and I've only ever seen a couple of stellar pilots. The second episode is always the true test of what a show is going to be, and so, because I really want to like this show, I'll wait until I see that before I make any judgment. But that doesn't mean that you can't make your own snap judgment by watching the pilot here.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Eureka: Stupid is as stupid eats
Apparently (and sensibly), GD has a talent scout who travels the country searching for geniuses to recruit. His current find is a troublemaking young particle physicist who's been arrested for stealing millions of dollars from Border Control. Unfortunately for Carter, the new guy (we'll call him "Jerky Jerkington") is both incredibly obnoxious and incredibly smart, and manages to pimp out his jail cell with items purchased with Carter's credit card. Yep, he can hack a computer from his cell using nothing but a remote control.
Over at GD, Stark and Henry have built a device that will recreate the Big Bang in a contained facility. You know, just another one of those completely harmless little projects. At a GD barbeque, Jerky Jerkington refuses to eat the chicken because he's against the conditions chickens are kept in and killed under...and kind of grossed out by eating the results. Nice! I hereby rechristen him "Awesome Awesomington," although it's a wee bit clunky for a nickname. (In case you couldn't guess, I'm vegan.)
Back at the lab, Henry switches from carefully monitoring the device's containment shield to watching professional wrestling. Hee hee...I love that enjoying wrestling is a metaphor for burgeoning stupidity. I have an ex-boyfriend who would probably take offense at that suggestion. (However, though I appreciate the tongue-in-cheekiness of the reference, I'm not sure Dexter's Lab qualifies as stupidity fodder. It's pretty quality for a cartoon...and his teeny little accent is so cute!) Anyway, Henry's not the only stupid one--most of GD seems to have regressed to elementary school.
Upon being rounded up by Carter and a GD veterinarian who is unaffected, the other still-smart scientists point out that if radiation from the Big Bang device were the cause of the stupidity, only someone with a background in string theory and other fancy-pants molecular physics could have set it to the proper wavelength. Someone like...Jerky Jerkington (yeah, we're clearly back to the original nickname), who has coincidentally hacked his high-tech restraints and escaped. Upon his apprehension, Jerky categorically denies putting such an important scientific advance at risk, and helps shore up the containment field so that GD isn't taken out in the Bang.
Unfortunately, no one is getting any smarter post-Bang, and the veterinarian discovers that it couldn't have caused the stupidity after all. Ruh-roh. After a quick trip to Cafe Diem, Carter realizes that all the affected people ate chicken at the barbeque (there's a message here somewhere), and he heads out to the organic farm that supplied the meat. I start to reconsider my gloating when the farmer boasts about having ended the "avian holocaust" on her farm thanks to her technique of growing chicken meat in a lab. And, of course, the substance she's using to fuel the growth is what's making people dumb. Sigh. So...um...I guess the message is to stick with tofu or with actual meat, instead of trying play some kind of mad scientist middle ground. Or, don't mess with nature. Or chickens. Or something. With the stick of a needle, the dummies are cured of their stupidity, although Stark and Allison seem to have grown closer in the meantime. Hmm.
Jerky Awesomington decides to stick around Eureka when the Big Bang data and Jo's comely, polyester uniform-clad figure prove too tempting to leave. Carter's on board with this decision once he finds out that Jerky stole the money for a charity in the first place, and he even gives the guy tips on how to ask Jo out. Zoe is having less luck with the boys, though, with Carter intimidating the object of her crush into oblivion. Hey, at least he's not forcibly stuffing toxic chicken down the dude's throat...
Michael Cera: A Brief but Heartfelt Tribute
Having finally gotten around to seeing Superbad (hilarious!), I'd like to formally express my appreciation to Michael Cera for being incredibly awesome, and to Arrested Development for discovering him. Even back when he was a mere 15 or so years old, he was one of the best things about Arrested Development (what a fun, sexy time for all of us). This year, he substantially improved my summer with Clark and Michael, his hysterical internet show with fellow awesomeite Clark Duke. (Watch it. Watch it all.)
Thus, in tribute to Michael Cera's comic genius, I present to you two of my favorite viral videos ever--oldies but goodies. First, "Impossible is the Opposite of Possible," a parody of "Impossible is Nothing," a video resume submitted by a Yale student applying for a job with an investment bank (truly hilarious if you watch the original video, which is pretty damn hilarious in itself):
Second, a video of Michael Cera being "fired" by Judd Apatow on the set of Knocked Up. He's almost his character from Clark and Michael in this one:
So thank you, Michael Cera, for brightening up my summer. May you always have a condom and a tube of spermicidal lube handy.
Who likes to rock the party?
Okay, okay, I know this is a TV blog. But please excuse me this one lapse, so that I can briefly pimp my friend Heather's band, Old Springs Pike. They're being featured on MTV.com (which technically makes it at least TV-related, I think), and I'm just so damn proud I had to write about it. Plus, MTV has handy embeddable clips!
Anyway, they're kind of like a supercharged folk/indie-type thing with fantastic four-part harmonies, and MTV says they're "a brilliantly distinctive musical force." Whatever that means. (You can see why I'm not a music blogger...) Oh, and also in the band is John Gallagher, who just won a Tony this summer for his performance in the musical Spring Awakening. So if you happen to be a music fan as well as a TV fan, you should check them out on their website (I recommend "The Great Escape," which is one of the songs in the little player on the bottom of the screen), and for the love of God go see them live if you're in New York. Thanks for humoring me, and we'll return to our regularly schedule TV programming later today...
