Last week on Grease: You're the One that I Want, Derek was tragically eliminated. Oh, and Allie was booted out, too. This week, it's finale time, baby! Max, Austin, Ashley, and Laura are battling it out. Well…Max and Austin are battling it out. Laura's got this one in the bag. And hey, all the eliminated Greasers are back to sing “We Go Together!” Even those two sucky ones. How sweet.
Apparently, this week the panel is, in fact, “completely powerless.” So there will be no last-minute rules change leading to a Derek resurrection. Nuts. And I have to say, all the sketchy rules changes paid off in that really any two of these final four could do a solid job as Danny/Sandy, as the judges agree. Hear that, America? It doesn’t matter who you picked! They're all winners! Except for the two who end up losing, of course. Right.
I’m going to skip over all the recapping the competition so far crap, because recapping a recap is just a bit too meta for me. Although interestingly, Kathleen Marshall says that coming out of Grease Academy, she would’ve cast Juliana and Derek. Derek, yeah. But Juliana? Makes me wish we’d seen more of her. Watching the clips, it becomes increasingly apparent to me that this is tough for Max. I mean, if Austin loses, he’ll totally get cast in something, because he’s pretty conventional and seems like a pro. But Max kind of needs this to validate his quirkiness for future roles, doesn’t he?
The final contestants sing “You’re the One that I Want,” with the girls in Slutty Sandy™ skintight shiny pants. They’re all good, honestly, and this has become somewhat boring to recap as a result. Sorry, guys. I’ll start making up stuff to make it more interesting. So…Austin totally grabbed Ashley’s ass. And she slapped him. And, um, Ashley pulled out a hunk of Laura’s hair and screamed, “Brunettes can’t be Sandy!” at her. And then they made out. It was hot.
Okay, back to reality…Billy Bush claims we are “minutes away” from announcing the winners. Well, since there are 40 minutes left in the show, I kind of doubt that. Billy sits down to interview the finalists. They all give boring-ass answers about being supportive of each other, and how they’ve already won by making it to the finals. I’m calling bullshit on that one. And Ashley totally tries to suck up to the religious crowd one week too late by saying that “having God in [her] life” has helped her make it through the past week. The religious folks have already voted along with everyone else, Ashley, and they voted for the chick who sang “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Duh.
Now we get to hear all the losers singing “Born to Hand Jive.” Now, in the movie, this is the scene during the dance contest where the judges walk through and tap the eliminated couples on the shoulder. How awesome would it be if Billy Bush walked around doing the same thing, in the order contestants were originally eliminated? I should totally be a producer on this show—I’m full of gems like that one. Call me, David Ian! This performance really serves to remind everyone of just how awesome Derek is. What’s the stage version for “the camera loves [him]” on America’s Next Top Model? The spotlight loves him? Well he’s great, at any rate. He’s as great as Matt sucks, to put things in perspective.
Oooh, we’re getting the Sandy results already, and it’s only halfway through the show! Oh wait, just kidding, another boring montage of interviews and clips of stuff we’ve seen. Ashley actually tries to be all, “Boo hoo! I look so much like Sandy! It made things so hard for me!” Um, yeah. Not buying it. Watching Laura’s clips, you realize just how much she’s improved over the course of the competition, in terms of taking command of the stage.
Okay, so now we find out who’s Sandy. Aaaand…it’s Laura, to no one’s surprise (including Ashley, who looks like she completely expected it). Huzzah! She totally deserved it. I mean, Ashley was great too, but Laura has that extra something. I wonder if they’ll make her wear a blonde wig.
Onto the Danny’s. This is more suspenseful, but I’m gonna say it’s Max. Austin’s clips are obnoxious. He’s obviously really full of himself, all, “It would’ve been horrible if they’d sent Link from Hairspray back to New York!” and, “The judges obviously expected a lot of me,” blah blah blah egocakes. Watching Max’s audition makes me realize just how lucky he is to have made it this far, given how unconventional he is. He’s good, though—he’s good. And he has a really, really cute little brother. Really cute.
And the winning Danny is…Max! Right on, America. No need to award Austin’s smug creepiness. And Laura is totally psyched. I kind of want Austin to snap and start screaming “I’M DANNY!” and singing “Greased Lighting.” I’m still not 100% convinced Max can pull off Danny, but he’s perfectly solid, if a little unusual, and he’ll do fine. He’s no Derek, though. He’s no Derek.
And here we go—a performance of “Greased Lightning” by the eliminated Danny’s, with Max as the lead Danny. Interestingly, I think winning may have given Max the confidence to portray Danny convincingly, because he’s actually better than he has been. Hmm. And now we get Laura singing “Hopelessly Devoted to You.” What about the eliminated Sandy’s? Are they on strike because Laura won? Laura kills it, though—she’s awesome.
Finally, here come the eliminated contestants to sing “Summer Lovin’” with the new leads. And in comes the Broadway cast! They look…waaaay too old to be in high school. So much so that it’s pretty weird. And a little sad-looking. Is Rydell High full of students who are repeating their senior year for the twelfth time? I guess that’s normal for Broadway productions of Grease, though, right? Like, you can’t tell from the audience? Max and Laura come onstage in costume to sing a verse of “You’re the One that I Want” with the Broadway cast, and that’s it for the show! Anyone planning on seeing it on Broadway?
Monday, March 26, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: They're the Ones that I Want!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: Shut up, America.
Last week on Grease: You're the One that I Want, Chad and his barely-above-average voice (but well-above-average cuteness) got the boot. This week, we'll hear the final competitive performances, and the field will be pared down to the final two. To kick off the night, we get a group sing of "Rock and Roll is Here to Stay," which is largely notable for the fact that 75% of the singing (all but the solo lines) is pre-recorded. Possibly not even by the contestants. Um, guys, if you can't sing and dance at the same time now, how are you supposed to do it in a few months on Broadway?
The panel is powerless tonight (until, I assume, America chooses wrong and they write a rule saying that the panel can resurrect a past contestant and pick him/her as the winner). The bottom two are Allie (duh) and Derek (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!). You SUCK HARDCORE, America. What the hell?! This is all kinds of lame (and Kathleen Marshall completely agrees, telling Derek that she’s sure they’ll work together on shows in the future). Austin is totally creepy, and Max is totally not Danny. Derek, if you want a shoulder to cry on (and then maybe someone to make out with), drop me a line. Here’s hoping they have that new rule written for next week.
Okay, moving on, we finally get some Grease songs. The girls take turns singing verses of “Hopelessly Devoted to You,” allowing us to compare them on the same song. Good call, show. And HA! They have these photos of “Danny” on the little desks they’re singing from, and they’re framed headshots of Max and Austin. Laura and Ashley are both really good, to be honest. I’d give the edge to Laura for emoting more, but they’re really both great.
Aww…Laura was supposed to get married next weekend (it’s postponed), and her fiancé sent in a really sweet video showing her the wedding plans he took care of since she was away. Ashley’s older sister sent in a way less touching, and in fact rather bitter and jealous video. And…apparently she’s here in person, since fans bought her a plane ticket out to LA. Wow, that's actually pretty impressive, Grease fans. But, um, what was the point of the video, then?
The guys are both singing “Sandy.” All I can think of is how much I’d rather see Derek singing it. They both have great voices, but if I were a producer, there’s no way I would put a multi-million dollar production on either of their shoulders. They just don’t have that Danny charisma/hotness. Austin chooses to emphasize how old he is in his interview (“Could be my last chance,” etc.), which I find to be a questionable tactic. Max tearfully talks about how he had bells palsy when he was younger, and I feel like an asshole for saying he’s not hot, or whatever. I guess he’s the de facto new favorite, since I still find Austin creepy. Also, apparently, there was only a 1% margin between the two guys last week. Interesting. I’m guessing Laura was way ahead of the other two girls.
And now…a “Duets Duel.” Austin and Ashley, and then Max and Laura sing “Endless Love,” because if there’s anything this show loves, it’s a cliché. And both pairs kiss! It’s not exactly hot. I’m not sure if I’m just hearing things, but I feel like both girls may have been a teensy bit pitchy at times. Laura’s body language with Max was more believable as a lover, and Austin was more believable as a leading man. And what’s the deal with the judges? Are they just here as set dressing? No opinionating? They’re really letting America loose without any hinting or prompting? Okay…it’s your show, not mine, guys.
Oh god, the second duet they’re singing is even barfier! It’s “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life,” and they’ve switched couples. Really, these couples are all so solid with their singing that it comes down to chemistry and stage presence. I have to give the edge to Laura (obvs.) and Austin (much as he still seems creepy to me, at least he’s holding my attention). Ashley lacks the presence, and Max just isn’t quite there yet.
Here we finally go, judge-wise. There's not really any criticism, but Kathleen picks Max and Laura as the most believable greaser/high school sweetheart. Jim picks Max and Laura as well. Aaaand...Ian picks Max and Laura as well. Max must be a really good actor, is all I can assume. Derek’s sing-out makes me hate America all the more. His soulful eyes see deep into my heart! Goddamit, America.
I have to say, based on Google referral stats alone, I predict that the judges will get their way and Max and Laura will win. (Pretty much no one has showed up here searching for "Ashley," tons have searched for "Laura" and "Max," and most of the "Austin" searchers combine his name with search terms like "gay" and "sucks.") See you next week with a recap of the finale!
Monday, March 12, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: Rob Marshall!
Last week on Grease: You’re the One that I Want, Kathleen was finally eliminated. I say “finally” because, although her acting was very good, she looked like she was thirty. Which is a problem. Also, it was her third time or so in the bottom three, so it was just a matter of time. The Danny’s performed, and Chad really, really sucked.
This week, the special guest judge is Rob Marshall! COOL! (He’s Kathleen Marshall’s brother, for those who didn’t know.) Billy Bush informs us that the Danny’s stuck in the bottom two are It Doesn’t Matter and Chad. Just kidding, it’s Austin and Chad. But seriously, Chad’s dead meat.
Tonight, the girls will be showing Sandy’s “emotional” side, and the boys will be singing Elvis. Because Danny is rock and roll, or something. MORE BROADWAY SONGS, guys! If I wanted to watch American Idol, I’d…well, I do sometimes watch American Idol. But it would be way better with more Broadway songs and less of the same Aretha songs every season. Just sayin’.
Allie sings “Natural Woman.” (See, with the Aretha? SO American Idol.) The lower notes are nice, but the belted “YOU make me feel” bits sound forced and shrieked. The judges think it wasn’t her best vocal performance, but wasn’t terrible.
Derek sings “Devil in Disguise.” I love him. His singing is expressive, he’s got great charisma and stage presence, he has a lovely voice, he can move, and he’s super-cute. What’s not to love? (When his voice doesn’t crack on high notes, that is…) AND he cries a little when his dad says how proud he is of Derek. Aww. The judges think he was great.
Laura is up next with “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” She’s great, as usual. Love! The judges love her.
Max sings “Suspicious Minds.” He’s perfectly good, and he’s a great singer, and very emotional and whatever, but…come on. We all know this guy can’t play Danny. They can dress him up in leather, grease his hair back, make him sing rock and roll, whatever they want. He’s still just not believable as the gorgeous, charismatic leader of the pack. However, he has an adorable little brother. So props for that. The judges still seem to think he’s got a shot, though. Whatev.
In honor of Rob Marshall, they do a group performance of “All That Jazz,” from Chicago. W00t, Broadway song! It’s actually pretty good. Austin isn’t really the Fosse type, though—“subtle sexuality” is not in his vocabulary as a performer.
Time for the sing-off! Austin was actually America’s least favorite Danny (ha), but this is why we have the “judges actually pick the winner” system (although this is supposedly the last week of it). They sing “Rock & Roll Party Queen,” and Chad does seem to be the crowd favorite. Hmm…I’m no Austin fan, but this is odd. Chad is bland and average compared to Austin in every way but looks. Ah, America. So shallow. The judges choose to save Austin, DUH. That was the least suspenseful one yet. Good move judges, bad move America.
Ashley sings “You Keep Me Hanging On,” and finally manages to stand out after dropping to the middle of the pack from being an early favorite. Way to claw your way back up there, Ashley. I can’t imagine Allie will be in it past this week if America has any sense at all, and the judges agree.
Austin sings “Can’t Help Falling in Love.” Much as I don’t love him, the dude really does have the chops to be a romantic lead. However, this lovely, romantic performance couldn’t be any less Danny. The judges were impressed with his singing performance, but thought he didn’t let enough personality through.
The panel picks Austin, Max and Laura as their favorites tonight. Apparently, this is the last say they’ll have, and so I expect Allie to make it through over Ashley, because America sucks and votes for whoever gets the most airtime. Guy-wise, it’s tougher…I’d get rid of Max, but America seems to love him, so who knows?
Monday, February 26, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: It Obviously Doesn't Take Much to be Better Viewing than the Oscars
Yes, I missed the beginning of the (as it turns out incredibly, painfully, horrifyingly boring) Oscars so that I could watch Grease: You’re the One That I Want. And I did it for you, readers! I did it for you. So here we go…
Last night on Grease: You’re the One That I Want, they changed the rules. Again. Presumably in response to the outcry from when they changed the rules the last time. Now, apparently, the judges can only save contestants until the semi-finals, at which point presumably the remaining contestants are so good that America can’t fuck it up no matter how hard it tries.
This week is Sandy week, and the songs will show both the sweet and sassy sides of Sandy. Also, the contestants paired up and worked on acting scenes with Kathleen Marshall last week, so it appears that we’ll finally be able to judge based on something more than just vocals. Only…not so much. We just get brief clips of the contestants awkwardly kissing each other in the scene, plus a quick opinion from Marshall on how they did. Real helpful, producers.
Before we get going with the performances, some perplexing news: in the bottom four this week are forgettable Kevin and old-looking Kathleen (predictable), plus Chad, who had one of the best performances last week, and Kate, who has the best female voice in the competition. Intriguing choices, America.
Ashley kicks off the night first with a brief clip of her acting scene with Kevin, and then with an average performance of “These Boots Were Made for Walking,” which is mostly memorable for the hysterical backup dancing provided by the male contestants. Vocally, she doesn’t knock my socks off. Reach your potential, Ashley!
Allie and Max were scene partners, because according to Allie, “In real life, Max is my Danny.” Riiiight. Apparently their chemistry doesn’t translate onstage due to her poor acting abilities. She sings “It’s Oh So Quiet,” by Björk (awesome!), and this may be the first time I’ve really been impressed by her voice…probably because the song’s not too low for her range, like most of her previous songs. Still, the highlight (aside from seeing Björk sung on national television) is probably her (bra-clad) boobs popping out of her top.
Laura did her scene with Derek (good choice), and from the five-second recap it appears she may have been too sweet, or something. However, she quickly blows “sweet” out of the water with “Fever,” by Peggy Lee. It’s hot. Laura is now officially my new favorite. Brunette Power!
And now, it’s sing-off time. Or shattered dreams time, if you listen to Billy Bush. America, apparently, chose to boot off Kevin and Kate. Kate? Really? The best female singer in the competition? For the millionth time ever, what the hell, America?
During the sing-off (“Blue Moon”), it quickly becomes apparent that Kevin has a better voice than Chad. And yet I almost forget about him while he’s doing his solo. Yeah, that boring. And he pays the price when the panel wisely kicks him out.
Kathleen’s voice seems a bit tight, and she’s looking weirdly like a slightly bigger Amy Poehler to me tonight. Just thought I’d share that. The panel isn’t unanimous, and rightfully so, because they save Kathleen and boot Kate out. What the hell, two-thirds of the panel? Kathleen had better be a freaking awesome actress, given that she’s not as good a singer and looks like she’s thirty. And also wasn’t as good in the obviously inconsequential sing-off. Goddammit.
Kathleen sings “Let’s Hear it for the Boy,” and has, like, eight out of tune notes in the first line alone. The judges are probably all, “Oh, shit,” right about now. She’s flat and out of breath for pretty much the whole song, and it’s distracting enough that I don’t notice if she’s managing to be sweet and vivacious, or whatever the judges said they're looking for.
Special guest not-judge Frankie Avalon is here to perform “Beauty School Dropout” with the Sandy’s. Presumably he’s not coherent enough to be a guest judge (like you have to be coherent to be a judge), although his voice is still surprisingly good.
I’m guessing Ashley and Kathleen will be in the bottom next week, and the judges agree with my new choice of favorite and pick Laura as the best Sandy. Right on! Finally, for the record, Kevin and Kate rock the sing-off. They really are both great singers. Ah, well. I guess this just means it’s finally more than just a singing competition.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: Don't Know Much About Chemistry
Tonight is duets night on Grease: You’re the One that I Want, which unfortunately means no more Broadway songs (even fake jukebox musical ones). Bah. The "special" guest judge is Jon Secada, which is a bit of a plunge from Andrew Lloyd Webber. From the opening interview montage, it looks like Kate “The Voice” Rockwell and Derek “Stamos-Lite” Keeling are being painted as the favorites. And rightfully so, I’d say, although I still have high hopes for Ashley.
The producers have wisely move the contest-fixing sing-off bullshit to the top of the show where it belongs. Jason, Juliana, Kevin, and Kathleen will be singing “Those Magic Changes,” which has always seemed like the title of a Sex-Ed video to me. America picked Jason and Juliana as the worst, and the judges agree after the sing-off. Jason tells us that he’d love to go to David Ian’s house and “do it” for him. Yeah.
First up with the duets are Allie and Chad, singing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” I think they do a good job, although the orchestra is so loud during their harmonizing that it could be covering up any number of off-notes. And I think Allie and Chad are confusing “chemistry” with “cheesy dance moves and a semi-porny ending.” The judges are practically peeing their pants over how “hot” it was, though, so what the hell do I know?
Billy Bush reminds us that the duets could be “a match made in heaven…OR IN HELL.” Ah, Billy Bush. He has that special Ron Burgundy cluelessness where I feel like you could feed him any line through the teleprompter and he’d read it.
Moving on, Austin and Laura sing “Don’t Know Much.” And instead of it being that catchy “Don’t Know Much About History” song, it’s that cheesy “I don’t know much…but I know I love you” song. Bah. However, they really picked one that could show their acting abilities, and they actually do a really great job. It even seems like it could almost be a Broadway ballad with the way it’s staged and acted. And I say that still thinking that Austin is totally creepy and their song is totally cheesy. So that should tell you just how good a job they did. You guys, I think Laura might be the dark horse candidate for Sandy.
Max and Ashley sing “It Takes Two.” Ashley does a good job, but Max misses “passionate” and lands on “kind of angry at Ashley, in a creepy kidnapper sort of way.” The judges again fail to read the subtext, and love Max like crazy while giving Ashley backhanded compliments like, “This is the first time you’ve seemed really spontaneous on stage.” WTF, judges?
Superpair Derek and Kate sing “From This Moment On,” and Derek’s voice is unfortunately not at its best. The performance isn’t really dynamic, either (boring song, no chemistry), but it’s solid, and Kate sings the hell out of it. It’s weird that such a great pairing would fall so short, though.
So I’m assuming the bottom four all learned the same song, so that the remaining two could pair up to sing it this week. Either that, or the sing-off was bullshit and the decision already made and announced to the bottom four. But that’s just crazy talk for a show with so little behind-the-scenes manipulation, right?
Kevin and Kathleen (vowing grossly to “perform [her] butt off and sing [her] brains out”) sing “Something to Talk About.” I love that song! What’s with the weird costumes, though? He’s in a black long-sleeve shirt, jeans, and a green quilted outdoor vest. She’s in a pink satin zebra-striped mini-dress. Yeah. They overcome the costumes to do a pretty solid job, although it’s a pretty easy song, so I’m not going to give them too much credit.
Austin, Chad, Ashley, and Allie are the judges’ favorites tonight. And, for the record, Juliana totally rocks the sing-out.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: Stretching the Meaning of “Broadway Songs”
Wow. I don’t even know where to start in describing last night’s two-hour slaughter of everything I know and love about musical theatre. How to put it into perspective? Let’s say you were watching a revue of what was purported to be great rap songs, and the closest thing to rap was Nelly’s “Hot in Herre.” You’d be pissed, right?
Last night on Grease: You’re the One that I Want, contestants ostensibly sang Broadway songs. Now, given that Andrew Lloyd Webber (symbol for everything that is wrong with Broadway today, and supremely creepy dude) was a guest judge, I expected the episode to be heavy on the Webber and light on the Sondheim. But Jesus freaking Christ—virtually every song that wasn’t written by Webber was from a goddamn jukebox or movie-based musical, and thus not even a Broadway song. In fact there was only one exception: a song from The Wiz, which is hardly a Broadway classic. Sigh. I’ll try to put my intense wrathfulness behind me and focus on the performances, but it’s gonna be tough.
Moving on…we have a new surprise twist! Apparently, the four Danny’s and Sandy’s with the fewest votes will compete in a sing-off for the judges, who will ultimately determine which two are eliminated. Considering this twist was totally unannounced prior to this episode, I’m guessing America screwed up last week and didn’t eliminate Matt and Ashley A., and the producers needed to give the judges a fail-safe, so that whoever they pick as best has no chance of being eliminated. Fair enough—America can be pretty dumb sometimes. Kind of ruins the point of the whole “America voting” thing though, eh?
First up tonight is Max, singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” from “The Lion King.” His singing is fine, but the song requires no acting ability to pull off, and Max just comes across as kind of weird.
Next is Laura, singing “Jesus Christ Superstar,” which is coincidentally by our guest judge. I’m no Webber fan, but brave choice, since it’s not an easy song to sing (Max), requires acting (B-, Laura), and wasn’t written for a woman, or even one person. Fine job.
Derek sings “Footloose.” I’m sick of this shit already. You disappoint me, favorite Danny. Although that sleeveless top is making a valiant effort at assuaging me, as is the choreographed dancing. Rock on! And shame on the judges for not giving him more credit for the dancing, especially since it’s clearly not a requirement.
Ashley S. tells us she’s having vocal troubles this week, but forges ahead with “Take That Look Off Your Face,” from Webber’s “Tell Me on a Sunday.” Too bad she didn’t sing the titular song—I actually kind of like that one. At any rate, favorite Sandy, you are NOT rocking this song as well as I know you can. Do better! And act more, if your voice isn’t 100%. And pick a song you can dance to, since that’s one of your strengths. Nice belting at the end, though.
Kevin sings “Burning Love” from some Elvis jukebox musical, and does NOT rock it. Props again for dancing, though. Negative props for the weird giant hair. You have dropped off my favorites list, Kevin.
Juliana sings “Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina,” from my least-hated Webber musical. At least it’s a challenging song to sing, and she does a good job keeping a steady pace. I feel like not rushing would be the hardest part of singing this song. Well-played, Juliana, well-played.
Chad sings “My Eyes Adored You,” from “Jersey Boys” (the Four Seasons jukebox musical). Nice voice, but booooooring song choice and execution. Jesus Christ.
Kate sings “Buenos Aires,” also from my least-hated Webber musical. Nice, challenging song, too. Appropriate, since she’s one of the better vocalists. Well-acted, even. All right! Not her very best vocal work at times, but it’s a deceptively tough song, so I’ll forgive her. You’re on the favorites list, Kate!
Austin continues his creepy-but-talented-man-child streak with “Ease on Down the Road,” from “The Wiz.” I won’t criticize at all, since he’s the ONLY performer singing a song that isn’t either by Andrew Lloyd Webber or from a jukebox/movie-based musical.
Kathleen sings “Memories,” from “Cats.” Ugh, what a predictable choice. Stupid, if you ask me. Do you really want to beg a comparison to Betty Buckley or Elaine Page, Kathleen? Because trust me, that’s not a flattering comparison for you, however talented you may be. Fine job, and good emoting, but she seems a bit too mature for Sandy, possibly because she picked a song originally sung by an aged cat. Just sayin’.
And now, it’s time for the America Sucks Sing-Off. I really hope there’s a trap-door with a pit full of alligators involved! Oh, and America apparently likes talentless underdogs, because as I suspected, Matt and Ashley A. weren’t the bottom two. I don’t particularly love Jason and Allie, but what the hell, America? You obviously can’t be trusted with important decisions.
The sing-off is, as predicted, totally a bullshit way for the judges to pitch their least favorites. They take turns singing parts of “Tears on My Pillow,” a pretty easy song that even Matt is able to manage without totally screwing up. And…shocker of shockers…Ashley A. and Matt are out, and order is restored in the world. No thanks to you, America.
Jason, saved from elimination, sings “That’ll Be the Day,” from some Buddy Holly jukebox musical. This is so much bullshit I can’t even handle it. Billy Bush doesn’t even bother naming the musical it’s from! If the show can’t find decent, recognizable songs for guys to sing outside of jukebox musicals, they just aren’t looking hard enough. What about “Beautiful Morning,” from “Oklahoma!” or “Hey There,” from “The Pajama Game,” bitches? Or anything else John Raitt ever sang, for that matter. Is there some sort of pre-Andrew Lloyd Webber ban in effect here? Whatever. Jason does okay with the singing and dancing, but kind of kills the spirit of the song. Much as this show is killing the spirit of Broadway.
Allie sings “I Don’t Know How to Love Him,” from “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Ah, I was wondering when this oversung gem would turn up. I don’t think Allie gets what this song is about at ALL, but she does an okay job.
Compared to the obviousness of last week’s decision, there aren’t any clear losers this week that I can tell. However, I’d probably kick out Jason and Allie, actually. But that could just be because by the time they performed, I was so sick of Andrew Lloyd Webber and non-Broadway songs that I would have hated the best such performances in the world. My favorite Danny is still definitely Derek, but I think Kate was my favorite Sandy this week. However, this show had better break out some Rogers and Hammerstein or Lerner and Lowe next week, or I’m gonna have to go knock some heads together.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: Final 12ish!
Last night, Grease: You're the One That I Want had its first live show, where we got introduced to the final twelve fourteen potential Sandy’s and Danny’s and were forced to look at Olivia Newton-John’s extremely plastic face for two hours. Overall, I’m actually pretty impressed with the talent they found—is this what American Idol would be like if they brought in ringers?
Since I love me some judging and opinionating, here’s my breakdown on the final twelve fourteen:
Derek— This guy is SO my new secret boyfriend (even though, let’s face it, he’s probably gay). Billy Bush nicknamed him “Wholesome Danny,” but I definitely don’t see the wholesomeness. Derek, who sang “This Thing Called Love,” is super-hot (sort of a Stamos/Clooney combo), has a great voice and tons of stage presence/charisma, and can actually move well. Go, Derek!
Austin— I find Austin pretty creepy, and I don’t think it’s just because he stands out as the only blonde Danny, or because he’s 30 years old trying to pass for 18. And he’s definitely not “Hot Danny,” despite what Billy Bush may claim. However, Austin’s got a great voice (although not really shown off singing “Mony Mony”), and can certainly dance, so that’s something.
Allie— At 19, she’s the closest to Sandy’s intended age, earning her the moniker “Baby Sandy.” Unfortunately, Allie chose to sing “I Love Rock and Roll,” which, while a great song, didn’t show off her voice at all, especially in the low register she chose to sing it in. So…judgment reserved.
Kate— “Serious Sandy” sang “All by Myself,” which is a pretty intense song choice for the first live show. So props for that, and for the impressive voice. Despite the voice, she didn’t really blow me away, and I think it’s because she’s lacking in the stage presence department.
And now, for the lamest twist ever…they’re bringing back two eliminated contestants! Gasp!
The new Danny is Matt, the guy who got eliminated for having no experience and not enough talent. Come on, producers. He wasn’t even that good the first time! Bad dancer, average singer, total lack of charisma. Sigh. “Second Chance Danny” chose to sing “Pretty Woman”…in the character of a child molester scouting for new victims. Seriously, enough with the creepy mannerisms, dude! And he looked seriously uncomfortable up there, and can’t even hold his notes without breaking. I’ll just assume America will send him home this week, because he is SO not deserving of a third chance.
The new Sandy is Ashley A., the nervous crybaby who kept missing notes in the auditions. I can think of, like, a half-dozen eliminated girls who were WAY better than Ashley A., in every way except her perfect sweet Sandy look. And she was a total choker! Sigh. “Emotional Sandy” sang “Still the One” with a nervous, wavering voice. Just…not that good. Man. These second chance people were obviously cut for a reason, NBC. And now back to the people with an actual chance of winning…
Jason— He’s 31, which is a bit iffy, but totally mollified me by singing “Faith,” by George Michael. That song cracks me up every time I hear it. Love! Plus, “Boy Band Danny” is Mormon, which makes it all the more hilarious (I’m not sure why, but it totally does). He’s got a strong voice, although not as good as Austin and Derek, and good stage presence and movement.
Max—I hate to be mean (LIE), but Max is just not hot enough to be Danny. He seems like a nice, cool guy, but Danny needs to be a heartthrob. Otherwise the show just doesn’t make much sense. Sorry, Max. “Slacker Danny” sang “Summer of ’69,” and while he has a very good voice, he seemed awkward and trying-too-hard, like his movements were choreographed and unnatural. And he’s not too charismatic, either. And holy crap with the Britney Spears chest-shaking shimmy thing. Yeah.
Laura— She’s 21, engaged, and planning her wedding (BARF). “Small-Town Sandy” sang “Why Do Fools Fall in Love,” and, aside from the annoying fake-giggly thing, did a great job. She has a really beautiful voice.
Kathleen—She and her husband love going to church together, where she’s a “worship leader” (BARF). Hate to break it to you, Kathleen, but as I’ve told many an Amazing Race contestant, God doesn’t care if you win. “Spiritual Sandy” chose “Suddenly I See,” and actually did a pretty great job. She’s got a good voice, and really felt the song as she was singing it, if that makes sense. Good…emoting, I guess.
Kevin— “Bellhop Danny” (um, okay…) sang “Walkin’ in Memphis.” I love that song! So he gets mad points for the song choice, and for being a total cutie. Also for having a great voice and good charisma. Did they just stick all the average Danny’s in the middle of the show, and leave the best for the beginning and end? (Answer: Yes, and the Sandy’s too.)
Chad— For some reason, I don’t really like Chad. Yeah, he’s good, yeah, he seems likeable, but there’s just something about him that seems weird…oddly childlike or something. I dunno. He’s “Ambitious Danny,” and he sang “Signed, Sealed, Delivered.” He’s got a great voice, and seemed really excited, which is endearing, but got a little over-the-top at times.
Julianna— “Rock Chick Sandy” sang “The First Cut is the Deepest,” which may have been a bit too modern for this competition. She’s got a lovely voice, and a good personality, but doesn’t really seem like Sandy. And I don’t think it’s just ‘cause she’s a brunette, or sang a Sheryl Crow song.
Ashley S.— Let’s face it: There are a number of strong singers in this competition, any whom could sing a lead part in Grease. Logically, then, it should come down to acting and dancing ability, which I hope will be showcased in later episodes. And in Ashley S., we have an actual legit dancer. “Ballerina Sandy” sang “It’s in His Kiss,” and had a great stage presence, a strong voice, and is generally totally adorable. Go, Ashley S.!
And that’s all the contestants! David Ian has managed to steal my picks for Danny and Sandy (Derek and Ashley S.), so let it be known that I’m NOT copying, and that they were even my faves from last week. Now let’s hope we get to see some acting and dancing challenges in two weeks, so that we can stray further from the American Idol mold. Oh, and the special guest judge at that time will be...Andrew Lloyd Webber. Say it with me: BARF!
Monday, January 08, 2007
Grease - YTOTIW: It's Electrifying!
Last night, NBC debuted the eagerly-anticipated (by me, at least) show Grease: You're the One That I Want, which is essentially an extended audition for the roles of Sandy and Danny in a Broadway revival of Grease. As someone who has always enjoyed cruelly mocking American Idol contestants, but wished they sung more songs from musicals (yes, I love musicals) and made the uncoordinated people dance, Grease: YTOTIW is very appealing to me. To the other 99% of America, maybe not so much. I mean, even I was sick of hearing the bridge of "Hopelessly Devoted to You" by the end of the episode.
The show does have legitimacy on its side, partly because the judges have a personal stake in the outcome, which I appreciate. David Ian, mean British guy, is actually producing the revival. Jim Jacobs, potential Paula Abdul, co-wrote the original Grease. Finally, Kathleen Marshall is a fantastic, Tony-winning Broadway director/choreographer, and it seems like she'll be directing and/or choreographing the Grease revival. I've seen four of her productions ("The Pajama Game," "Wonderful Town," "Little Shop of Horrors," and "Kiss Me Kate"), and she's the real deal. I'm honestly pretty surprised that she's attached her name to this show.
Not on Grease: YTOTIW's side is originality. The show is basically American Idol with two co-hosts and dancing. Oh, and the "prestigious" "Grease Academy," where the 50 semi-finalists will be sent to learn all things Grease.
Type-casting will be an interesting issue as the weeks go by. They put a couple of overweight girls through to the second day of auditions (dancing), but neither made it to Grease Academy. Interestingly, one of those girls was actually a very strong dancer, so one would assume that if she was good enough to get into the dancing round, she should have been good enough to make it out. And the judges would never be cynical enough as to make those contestants go through the second round to quell criticism that no heavy girls were considered, only to cut them immediately after. ...Right?
Oh, and while apparently Sandy can't be overweight (which I can kind of understand, if they're not trying to be radically different from previous incarnations of Grease), it's totally cool for Danny to be 42 years old. Because that guy made it through to Grease Academy. I guess a middle-aged Danny and a teenage Sandy would add a whole new element to the show.
Grease: YTOTIW will totally be this year's American Idol for me, but if you aren't a fan of musicals, don't have a leather jacket/greasy hair fetish, and don't want to watch multiple talent reality shows, I see no reason why you wouldn't watch American Idol instead. Making fun of Paula Abdul's drunken ramblings is a hard habit to kick, after all.
