Grease - YTOTIW: They're the Ones that I Want!

Last week on Grease: You're the One that I Want, Derek was tragically eliminated. Oh, and Allie was booted out, too. This week, it's finale time, baby! Max, Austin, Ashley, and Laura are battling it out. Well…Max and Austin are battling it out. Laura's got this one in the bag. And hey, all the eliminated Greasers are back to sing “We Go Together!” Even those two sucky ones. How sweet.

Apparently, this week the panel is, in fact, “completely powerless.” So there will be no last-minute rules change leading to a Derek resurrection. Nuts. And I have to say, all the sketchy rules changes paid off in that really any two of these final four could do a solid job as Danny/Sandy, as the judges agree. Hear that, America? It doesn’t matter who you picked! They're all winners! Except for the two who end up losing, of course. Right.

I’m going to skip over all the recapping the competition so far crap, because recapping a recap is just a bit too meta for me. Although interestingly, Kathleen Marshall says that coming out of Grease Academy, she would’ve cast Juliana and Derek. Derek, yeah. But Juliana? Makes me wish we’d seen more of her. Watching the clips, it becomes increasingly apparent to me that this is tough for Max. I mean, if Austin loses, he’ll totally get cast in something, because he’s pretty conventional and seems like a pro. But Max kind of needs this to validate his quirkiness for future roles, doesn’t he?

The final contestants sing “You’re the One that I Want,” with the girls in Slutty Sandy™ skintight shiny pants. They’re all good, honestly, and this has become somewhat boring to recap as a result. Sorry, guys. I’ll start making up stuff to make it more interesting. So…Austin totally grabbed Ashley’s ass. And she slapped him. And, um, Ashley pulled out a hunk of Laura’s hair and screamed, “Brunettes can’t be Sandy!” at her. And then they made out. It was hot.

Okay, back to reality…Billy Bush claims we are “minutes away” from announcing the winners. Well, since there are 40 minutes left in the show, I kind of doubt that. Billy sits down to interview the finalists. They all give boring-ass answers about being supportive of each other, and how they’ve already won by making it to the finals. I’m calling bullshit on that one. And Ashley totally tries to suck up to the religious crowd one week too late by saying that “having God in [her] life” has helped her make it through the past week. The religious folks have already voted along with everyone else, Ashley, and they voted for the chick who sang “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Duh.

Now we get to hear all the losers singing “Born to Hand Jive.” Now, in the movie, this is the scene during the dance contest where the judges walk through and tap the eliminated couples on the shoulder. How awesome would it be if Billy Bush walked around doing the same thing, in the order contestants were originally eliminated? I should totally be a producer on this show—I’m full of gems like that one. Call me, David Ian! This performance really serves to remind everyone of just how awesome Derek is. What’s the stage version for “the camera loves [him]” on America’s Next Top Model? The spotlight loves him? Well he’s great, at any rate. He’s as great as Matt sucks, to put things in perspective.

Oooh, we’re getting the Sandy results already, and it’s only halfway through the show! Oh wait, just kidding, another boring montage of interviews and clips of stuff we’ve seen. Ashley actually tries to be all, “Boo hoo! I look so much like Sandy! It made things so hard for me!” Um, yeah. Not buying it. Watching Laura’s clips, you realize just how much she’s improved over the course of the competition, in terms of taking command of the stage.

Okay, so now we find out who’s Sandy. Aaaand…it’s Laura, to no one’s surprise (including Ashley, who looks like she completely expected it). Huzzah! She totally deserved it. I mean, Ashley was great too, but Laura has that extra something. I wonder if they’ll make her wear a blonde wig.

Onto the Danny’s. This is more suspenseful, but I’m gonna say it’s Max. Austin’s clips are obnoxious. He’s obviously really full of himself, all, “It would’ve been horrible if they’d sent Link from Hairspray back to New York!” and, “The judges obviously expected a lot of me,” blah blah blah egocakes. Watching Max’s audition makes me realize just how lucky he is to have made it this far, given how unconventional he is. He’s good, though—he’s good. And he has a really, really cute little brother. Really cute.

And the winning Danny is…Max! Right on, America. No need to award Austin’s smug creepiness. And Laura is totally psyched. I kind of want Austin to snap and start screaming “I’M DANNY!” and singing “Greased Lighting.” I’m still not 100% convinced Max can pull off Danny, but he’s perfectly solid, if a little unusual, and he’ll do fine. He’s no Derek, though. He’s no Derek.

And here we go—a performance of “Greased Lightning” by the eliminated Danny’s, with Max as the lead Danny. Interestingly, I think winning may have given Max the confidence to portray Danny convincingly, because he’s actually better than he has been. Hmm. And now we get Laura singing “Hopelessly Devoted to You.” What about the eliminated Sandy’s? Are they on strike because Laura won? Laura kills it, though—she’s awesome.

Finally, here come the eliminated contestants to sing “Summer Lovin’” with the new leads. And in comes the Broadway cast! They look…waaaay too old to be in high school. So much so that it’s pretty weird. And a little sad-looking. Is Rydell High full of students who are repeating their senior year for the twelfth time? I guess that’s normal for Broadway productions of Grease, though, right? Like, you can’t tell from the audience? Max and Laura come onstage in costume to sing a verse of “You’re the One that I Want” with the Broadway cast, and that’s it for the show! Anyone planning on seeing it on Broadway?