Last week on Age of Love, Maria was a big fat non-quitter! This week, the twenties and their hula hoops are moving in with the forties and their knitting, in what I hope will be a battle the likes of which non-sweeps television programming has never before seen.
We begin with a quote classily superimposed over the rooftop swimming pool: “It’s not the years in your life that count—It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln. Let’s all take a moment to reflect on that while the twenties move their belongings upstairs (yes, including the hula hoops…Amanda’s carrying them). Jayanna, who is now by far my favorite contestant, threatens in an interview to bend any misbehaving twenties over her knee and spank them if they don’t “respect their elders.” Horny pervs everywhere pray for rampant 20something misbehavior.
Maria makes fun of the kittens for bringing their hula hoops (told you!), and Mary gets all upset and defensive about being laughed at in an interview. Mary is hilarious, you guys. She’s crying! Because they made fun of her hula hoops! This show is amazing! Jesus, she’d probably cry for a week if she read my recaps. Please, God, let her read my recaps!
Mark interviews that he’s matured a lot since the show started taping, and realizes he needs to show the women how he feels about them. Apparently, he feels that they’re all sexy. Wow, Mark. Your newfound maturity is really admirable. Incidentally, from the previews I saw for this episode, it seems Mark will be doing a whole lot of “showing how he feels,” in the form of making out with each and every contestant. You think they screen for mono and mouth herpes on these dating shows?
The women are instructed to meet Mark downstairs in their workout clothes, where they pair up at the waiting tandem bikes. Host Mark informs them that Mark is waiting miles away on a fancy yacht which will serve as the finish line of their triathlon. Wow, seriously? I’m assuming it’s going to be some sort of mini-race, because otherwise…well…Mark would probably just have to date the sole survivor. Amanda is especially worried, calling herself “the least athletic” of the twenties. Um, isn’t she a professional hockey team dancer? Does that not require some sort of physical exertion? Or does this finally confirm that being a dancer for a sports team doesn’t require anything more than a fake pair of DD’s and the ability to jump up and down?
Okay, yeah, not a real triathlon. At all. Riding a tandem bike, jogging down the beach, paddling to the yacht on a surfboard. Fair enough, though all the drownings would have been exciting. First three to the yacht get to spend the evening on it with Mark. After bike troubles (Megan/Mary), thigh cramps (Jen), and a dramatic ankle-twisting requiring an ambulance trip to the hospital (Tessa), Jayanna (WOO! And Kiss #1), Amanda (Kiss #2), and Kelli win. Go Team Cougar—two out of three! Mary just misses out, and is a total crybaby about it. Mark, hilariously, interviews that all that biking, running, and paddling is way too much trouble to hang out with him, and he wanted to yell to the paddling women, “I’m not worth it! Go back! Go back!” Well, at least he has a sense of self-awareness about him.
The winners get all dolled up (did they have a courier run some clothes over to the yacht?), and Mark puts on a tux. God, he’s hot. The losing women, including Tessa back from the hospital, moan about the missed opportunity. Back on the yacht, the women split up the dinner courses. Kelli is up first with the appetizer, and Mark appreciates how easy she made the conversation for him. They kiss (Kiss #3), which she makes sure to tell the other two women, and Mark moves on to dinner with Jayanna.
Jayanna confesses to Mark that she has butterflies in her stomach around him, and tells him that she’s been around enough to realize that she deserves a really great guy (she does), and thinks he’s that guy (he isn’t). Mark says they had a lot of chemistry, and Jayanna has a “great personality.” I’ll take that at its face value, since she does have a great personality, and won’t assume that he’s saying that for lack of anything better to say, which is how I feel the “great personality” compliment is usually used. Amanda and Mark share dessert, and he seems more physically engaged with her than he was with the other women. They speak Greek and Spanish with each other under the stars, and Mark is feeling the romance. He kisses her (Kiss #4). It’s more than just a peck.
Later, the women are instructed to put on tennis outfits and meet Mark at the court. Mark mentions something about finding tennis sexy, and I wonder what his former opponents would have to say about that. The women enjoy watching him practice his hitting for a bit, and then he sits Tessa down with a bag of ice before showing the other women how to hit balls. Hee. (For the record, Mary also finds the word “balls” hilarious. So…um…apparently Mary and I have something in common. It’s scary, but I refuse to take back that “hee.” “Balls” is funny, dammit!)
Mark arranges a doubles tournament for the women—Kittens vs. Cougars. First up are Maria and Jayanna, who destroy Mary and Megan. Tessa decides that she wants to try playing, because dating Mark is worth more to her than her physical wellbeing. Mark loves it, because willingness to sacrifice one’s body to in order impress him is a quality he finds desirable in women. Tessa and Amanda face off against Kelli and Jen, and lose royally. But probably only because tennis is kind of an old person sport. And I say that as a twenty-something who is a huge tennis fan. Even though the cougars won the tournament, Mark picks Tessa to do something special with him that night. She smiles through the pain of what’s probably a shattered ankle, and accepts his invitation.
The women arrive back at the apartment, and things are a little bit tense. As Amanda points out, they were hungry, exhausted, and sore. And also they hate each other. Not exactly a recipe for harmony. I’m going to preserve this exchange for posterity:
Jayanna: I mean, guys, seriously, you act like total prima donnas!
Mary: Don’t call me a prima donna and tell me to shut up, please, I won’t say that to you [to your face, since I’m the meanest one in interviews], and I wouldn’t expect you to say that to me. Jayanna: Well…I said it, and I’m not taking it back…
Mary: [Leaves room crying.]
Hilarious! Amanda thinks the cougars are picking on the kittens because they’re insecure, rather than because it's like shooting enormous fish in a teeny tiny barrel. All the 20somethings comfort Mary, who sobbingly says that she was trying to “stick up for all of us.” What a freaking baby! She’s totally miserable about the situation. Megan thinks the cougars are being immature. Oh, please. You guys are such easy targets—you think they aren’t going to poke a stick at you once in a while?
Mark prepares for his dinner date with Tessa in the bachelor suite, and says she’s come across as a beautiful, intelligent woman. No. No, she absolutely has not. She’s come across as a plastic-looking, disturbingly big-breasted woman…is that what you meant to say, Mark? He’s really looking forward to staring at her breasts all night the date, anyway. She’s a bit bummed to be all dolled up and on crutches. NBC has bought out about five flower shops and a couple candle shops to decorate the bachelor suite for this date. It looks completely ridiculous, and also kind of like a fire hazard, but Tessa’s into it. Of course. There’s even a violinist playing, which seems much more weird and awkward than romantic to me, but whatever. The date seems to go well.
Amanda, in the meantime, has gone from being uncomfortably into Mark to being kind of a stalker. She brags to Mary that she “smelled his cologne,” and that it smelled like Mark. Um, okay. Freak. Mary cries in an interview about how she hasn’t spent any time with Mark, and the tragic situation she's gotten herself into. She feels horrible. She’d better quit, then, because she’s way too much drama for the NBC producers to let Mark eliminate her.
Back on the date, Tessa tells Mark that Amanda really cares for him, and something about how if Mark doesn’t have those initial attraction feelings towards Tessa, he should tell her now. It’s incredibly disjointed, weird, and kind of a turn-off, as Mark points out to us. So…Tessa is a crazy person. Who woulda thunk it?
Mark chats with Host Mark, telling him that Amanda is really standing out to him, as well as Jen. Jen? She’s barely been in this episode! Bad job, editors. Anyway, Mark, in a not-at-all-preplanned move, says he wants one-on-one chats with each of the women before he has to make his decision. Tessa is up first, and Mark calls her out for mentioning Amanda on their date. She gives a complete non-explanation. Jayanna’s next, and is aggressive about telling Mark that she feels a connection with him but thinks he’s holding back, because he hasn’t kissed her yet. Go, Jayanna! They kiss (Kiss #5). There’s tongue. Definitely the longest kiss of the episode that we see. Next up is Maria, who has to wipe lipstick off Mark’s mouth. Oh, snap! He tells her he doesn’t want to come across as a player, and Maria’s super-cool about it. They kiss (Kiss #6).
Kelli thinks this is her last opportunity to let him know that she’s interested. (It’s a popular strategy.) She gets a wee bit desperate-sounding when she tells him that it would “break [her] heart a little bit” if he’s not interested in her. Oof. They kiss (Kiss #7). Amanda gets all upset about Kelli saying she and Mark had a connection. STALKER! She’s having a hard time with his dating eight women, and almost starts crying telling Mark how hard it is for her to open up in this situation. They kiss (Kiss #8). She tells him that she was thinking about Kelli kissing him during their kiss. Ew! She is basically the opposite of Maria. The editors hilariously show him kissing Kelli like five times (three new kisses, so that’s #'s 9, 10, and 11). Amanda says that Kelli told the other contestants all about it, and Mark lies that she’s “the only girl [he’s] kissed, kissed.” HA! Amazing! This, no more than half an hour after he made out with Jayanna for, like, thirty seconds? Best. Ever. Amanda believes him and is mollified, and they kiss again (Kiss #12).
Mark tells Megan that he’s not sure how she feels, and Megan nervously (and apparently accidentally) says that she didn’t feel an instant connection with him. That may not end well for her. Mary tells Mark that she’s felt really distant from him, but definitely wants to stay when she does spend time with him. Jen asks Mark to kiss her, and it’s a pretty serious kiss (Kiss #13). Mark really enjoyed it. A quick peck on the lips (Kiss #14), and she’s outta there. Mark feels more confused than ever after talking to all the women, apparently, and really doesn’t want to hurt anyone.
He comes downstairs and sits everyone down on the couch for a more intimate, less formal elimination ceremony, or something. Where’s the Rooftop of Drama? This is all wrong! He eliminates Tessa right off the bat because of the Amanda thing. He eliminates Kelli because he doesn’t “think it’ll work out.” Bad night to be a blonde, eh? Kelli was pretty shocked by the elimination, and is very hurt. I’m just glad it wasn’t Jayanna. And that's all for now, I guess. Wow. That wasn't really even worth going up on the Rooftop of Drama for. Next week: More kissing!
Monday, July 09, 2007
Age of Love: Gentlemen don't prefer blondes
You seriously can't lie to family on 'The 4400'
Ah, family. You know, for all that everyone on The 4400 has to deal with – abilities, prophecies about a brave new world led by Jordan Collier – their family issues are just the same as the rest of us. Lying, going behind one another's backs, arguing, telling uncomfortable truths… if you don't recognize any of that, then, well – can I join your family?
Uncomfortable spoilers to follow.
So April, black sheep of the Skouris clan, came back, sporting a kicky new haircut and a kicky new power: she can make people tell the truth. Aside from the got-old-real-fast music cue that heralded her ability, which sounded like someone running a finger around a wineglass rim, April's ability was fun; it provided a couple of great laughs when she got Diana to admit how many times a week Diana and Ben… you know (three, if you must know) and Tom to confess to having fantasized about Diana. Not appealing, though, was her scruffy boyfriend/pimp, who made money off her ability. Sure, he said he loved her, and he said it to April, so we know we can believe him, but there was still something far too pimptastic about him for my taste. So when he turned up dead, I wasn't too broken up.
This turned out to be the week in which April learned responsibility, something I feel like the show had been threatening to do for a long time, and maybe actually did at some point in the past. But, whatever; April was forced to choose between running away again and helping secure a confession from the man who killed her boyfriend (who was selling defective body armor to the military, because murder wasn't bad enough), which would get her arrested by NTAC. For once, April chose the responsible thing and was rewarded with more responsibility: a job with the government, extracting the truth from people. Good for you, April. Come back anytime, and bring your cute hair back with you.
Diana, of course, is staying in Seattle, like we knew she would. But this means problems with Ben, who's not staying. Because they mentioned Maia's prophecy that they'll get married, you know the writers haven't forgotten about that; this just means they'll be finagling with things a bit before we get there. Of course, it's probably also a convenient excuse for Ben to be gone for a little while. And speaking of Maia, she must have laryngitis or something, because I swear this is the second week in a row in which she's been seen, but not heard. What's up with that? Throw her, and us, a bone, writers; she's awfully cute when she's not making dour predictions, and I miss her.
Shawn's a politician now, thanks to the encouragement of a former anti-4400 senator, and he started his campaign for Seattle city council. But to get support, he'd have to denounce Jordan Collier. So what did Shawn do? Well, he denounced Jordan Collier. In the mildest of terms, merely saying that Jordan should have waited to distribute promicin until the risks were lower, but it was enough for Kyle, who called him a traitor. Guess Kyle doesn't like it when you insult his messiah.
Because, yes, Kyle is now a true believer; witnessing Isabelle's escape last week converted him utterly. That was awfully quick. But on the bright side, no Cassie this week, so maybe I don't mind the fast conversion. Hmm. Anyway, Kyle stashed Isabelle away in a shack, and in return, she decrypted the coded pages in the book for him. Roughly translated, they said: "These 200 people have to get promicin shots before a wonderful paradise can exist on earth." The last name on the list? Tom Baldwin. Who, incidentally, now knows that his son is promicin-positive. And you know Tom, he's not going to take the shot quietly. So now it's Tom vs. utopia. Where's your messiah now, Kyle? Wait, he's in the previews for next week. Never mind.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Flight of the Conchords: Be my Yoko Ono
This week's episode of Flight of the Conchords focused less on the songs, and more on the story. And as much as I really, really love the songs, I think it was a good call on the part of the show's writers. Conchords has now proven that it's one of the best comedies on television, even without several hilarious songs to lean on (although there were a couple smaller songs, and one grand finale). We can now rest assured that the writing stands on its own. (That said, I totally hope there will be more big songs next week.)
The episode centers around Bret's relationship with his co-worker/girlfriend Coco, played by Broadway star Sutton Foster. After Bret skips out on the band's tour of bandshells (that's looking at bandshells, not playing at them), Murray worries that Coco may be a Yoko Ono, especially after Jemaine can't confirm that she doesn't like art, lying in bed naked, and peace.
Bret, for his part, is in love. He tries to write Coco a song, and ends up with a two-hour recitation of platitudes like, "I'd climb the highest mountain for you." With Jemaine's help, the song becomes more "realistic," shifting gears into "I'd hang out with you, if that's what you're into," and "I'd take off all my clothes for you." Oh, and something about Bret and her male roommate double-teaming her. It's a bit less romantic, though substantially shorter, than the original song:
When Bret politely suggests that maybe Jemaine doesn't need to accompany he and Coco on every single date, Murray's Yoko fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. During an explosive band meeting, in which Jemaine jealously accuses Coco of being Yoko, Bret quits the band. When Jemaine asks him to come back, but demands that Bret choose between the band and his girlfriend, Bret chooses Coco (over her possible objections). Jemaine lets him back in the band anyway. (So yay, more Sutton Foster! Hopefully they'll really let her sing in some future songs.)
All in all, another hilarious episode from my favorite new show of the summer. Join Mel's one-woman Conchords fan club--tune in Sundays at 10:30 on HBO.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Nine-ies Never Say Die
The Nine is back, baby! Sure, it's only ABC burning off the remaining six episodes. And sure, they didn't film the last one as a finale, so we probably won't come out of it knowing what went on in the bank. But still! This is what I've been begging for since it initially got cancelled! According to TV Squad, the show will air in its original 10 PM Wednesday timeslot, beginning August 1st.
As regular readers will know, The Nine was one of the saddest casualties of the Fall '06 season for me. It was about hostages in a botched bank robbery, and focused both on their lives after the robbery and what happened during the robbery. It was great. Good acting, good writing, interesting plot...it just happened to fall victim to the serial drama craze that plagued this past television season. So sad.
At any rate, it's back temporarily, so can I get a hells yeah?
Hey Paula: All bark and no bite
Oh, Paula. You befuddle me so. When I watched the premiere of Hey Paula last week, I was pretty tired. This, I believe, caused me to oversympathize with Paula, another supposedly tired soul. However, in retrospect, there’s no way she was acting that crazy without a little help. I mean, I’m no expert, but that was some serious crazy! I’m sure she was, in fact, exhausted, but she also had to have been taking a little something extra to get her flailing around on the floor of the perfume factory, right? I’m not going to speculate beyond that, but there you go.
This week, we join Paula in a meeting to deal with the aftermath of the disastrous press she’s been getting due to the fact that she totally did a bunch of on-camera interviews high. I mean…to deal with all the completely unfair bad press she’s been getting, for no particular reason. She’s all teary and hysterical and extremely overly made-up. Truth be told, she looks a little like a cross between Michael Jackson and Helena Bonham Carter in Planet of the Apes. At least when she’s in profile. Apparently, she doesn’t drink before she goes on-air, or do recreational drugs. So…legal prescriptions, then? At any rate, things are ugly. Ugly and weepy. Also, it seems like the show’s editors are unsubtly combining two different meetings—one with Paula and her staff, and one with just her staff. Unless her staff has been instructed to refer to her in the third person for half of every meeting.
After the meeting, Paula’s off to a “gifting suite,” some sort of magical event where designers give celebrities amazing free stuff. Of course, we’ve got some manufactured drama about how designers may not want Paula associated with their products in all her drunken glory, but it comes to nothing, just like everything else on this show.
And now we’re flying to Vegas, where she’s accepting a Woman of the Year award from some ballet group. Or something. It’s supposedly “a big deal,” with lots of press. But disaster! A magazine in LA is going to print an article tonight that could be damaging to Paula! How can she talk to the press when they’re being so mean to her?! Never mind that earlier this episode she suggested holding a press conference. Sigh. Once she does manage to get to the press, it doesn’t go that well. Except for the one interview that does go well. Which is apparently the most important one? So now the night is going fantastically well? Let’s be honest: I have no clue what’s going on here.
Ryan, Simon and Randy are on hand to present Paula with the award, as are a bunch of cheerleaders with pom poms. Simon actually steps up and reads whatever line the American Idol producers gave him about how great she is and how she’s totally not at all a drug addict or anything like that. So yes, again all the buildup comes to nothing and everything turns out perfectly. What a charmed life this Paula character lives!
Back at the Abdul Homestead, we find out that she’s been invited to be on Leno. And for some reason, her stylist who can’t drive is taking Paula there in Paula’s new car. The car, by the way, is a Land Rover so big it beeps like a truck when it’s in reverse. I anticipate they’ll get about halfway there before running out of gas. And that’s the show! (If you’ve been paying attention, you don’t need me to tell you how The Tonight Show went, but if you must know, it was uneventful. And Paula was vindicated, or the truth was vindicated, or whatever. This show is all foreplay and no main event, if you ask me.)
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Burn Notice: Michael Westen's Household Hints!
I love this show. I love the soundtrack’s Miami flavor. I love Bruce Campbell (yes, and Jeffrey Donovan). I love the dry narration. I love Michael’s charm, and I love that despite that charm, he still can’t manage to comfort an upset old lady when he’s not in character. I love this show. And, it’s full of helpful tips! For example, if you’re trying to catch a con artist, send in another con artist. Or a spy. Because they’re basically the same, apparently. Plus, bugs don’t plant themselves—“eavesdropping and fieldwork go hand in hand.” Oh, and something about breaking up teams and planting seeds of distrust and smoking the resulting…um…discord? Way more helpful than Heloise’s hints, if you ask me. I was just outside wiring a blasting cap into a car’s gas tank, and then I was all, “No, wait…Burn Notice taught me to put the blasting cap in the electrical system.” Thanks, Burn Notice!
At any rate, this week Michael is trying to track down information on some shady folk who’ve planted a bug in his mom’s house. Unfortunately, they are elusive, and willing to burn tons of expensive surveillance equipment (and records, presumably) to keep Michael from getting his hands on it. Also unfortunately, his mother basically blackmails him into helping her friend before she’ll give him any information on the mysterious men who visited her house. Oh, and he has to bring Fiona (the ex) home for an uncomfortable dinner, too.
Michael meets with his mom’s friend, who has been taken in by an identity theft scam and beaten up in the process. Gullible old people make me really sad. Michael is very uncomfortable around her, which is pretty funny, but also telling. Sam (BRUCE CAMPBELL!) agrees to help Michael with the case, but only if he can crash at Michael’s place for a while. Fiona and Sam…don’t get along. They’ve got a bit of an ugly business history, it seems. Fiona, incidentally, is ditching the Irish accent for the time being, now that she’s staying in Miami. Works for me.
After a few hitches (distrustful con artists, interrupted bug-planting, exploding cars, FBI surveillance…), and with Sam and Fiona’s assistance, Michael is able to essentially steal back the old lady’s money, along with a bunch of other retirees’. And get the bad guy arrested. But possibly not for what he actually did. …Score one for justice? As an aside, Michael has some mad one-handed texting skillz (and I mean that literally, although the phrase has excellent euphemistic potential). Is that something they teach at spy academy?
Anyway, Michael’s mom reveals that the men who came to the house asked all about Michael, his habits, and his relationship with her. She told them she and Michael have a great relationship, which can’t really bode well for his mom, can it? And it’s apparently not even true, as if we didn’t know that already. They also gave her a phone number to call if he ever came to Miami or tried to contact her. Michael, of course, calls the number. There’s “a friend” on the other end of the line, and I kind of can’t wait to find out what he wants (aside from destroying Michael, I’d imagine). Yay, mystery men! This show rocks.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Happy Independence Day!
Now get out there and enjoy some sweet, sweet freedom! Well, what freedom you have left, at any rate. Mmm...quasi-freedom...
You could also enjoy some sweet, sweet TV marathons. (My favorite!) Best bets: Mythbusters on the Discovery Channel, Project Runway on Bravo, Twilight Zone on Sci Fi, Monk on USA, and Eddie Izzard (from 1-7) on BBC America. Personally, I'm going to try and get my DVR down to 65% full. It's a long shot, I know, but a girl's gotta dream!
Monday, July 02, 2007
Age of Love: Kiss of Death
Previously on Age of Love: A bunch of old biddies and a bunch of young sluts got thrown into the reality TV equivalent of a cage match. It was amazing.
We begin this week on the 40th floor, immediately after the elimination. The cougars are a bit unsettled by the kittens’ presence, but shift immediately into offensive mode, pointing out that the kittens are probably really poor and unsuccessful, comparatively. Um, yeah, because they spent all their money on boob jobs (Tessa). Botox is way less expensive.
Down on the 20th floor, the kittens realize that they may have less life experience than the cougars. However, they also realize that since Mark is 30, there is a far greater age difference between Mark and the cougars (up to 18 years) than there is between Mark and the kittens (up to 9 years). Good math, kittens! Have a cat treat.
The NBC quote-finding intern is at it again! “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” –Mark Twain. The intern is clearly on Team Cougar. Back the bachelor pad, Mark meets with Host Mark to discuss the elimination. Host Mark points out that the older women were really sad to see Angela go, while the younger women practically pushed Lauren off the roof once she was eliminated. Mark acknowledges that the kittens may be a wee bit competitive. Moving on, he selects Kelli (40) and Amanda (25) to go out to lunch with him (I’m assuming he had to choose one old and one young). Kelli because she “seems more sexual” than the other old hags, and Amanda because she seems genuine. Aside from her boobs and lips, I’m assuming.
As NBC helpfully points out, Kelli and Amanda think it’s going to be a one on one date, but instead it’s going to be a threesome. And not the cool kind. Hmm…why would they think that? Maybe because the text message invite called it “an individual date.” Oh, NBC! Please continue to cruelly toy with their hearts like that. Building up desperate women’s hopes only to dash them on the rocky shore below is the bread and butter of Age of Love. The women, as expected, are unhappy to see each other. They sit on opposite sides of the restaurant, with Mark free to move in between tables. They’re instructed to keep Mark at their tables as long as possible (is taking your top off against the rules?), because whoever is sitting with him at the end of the date gets to share dessert with him as well. By all rights it should be Kelli, then, because Amanda would probably barf the dessert back up immediately afterwards anyway, by the looks of her.
Mark valiantly tries to run back and forth, keeping both ladies happy. The ladies valiantly try to hold his attention. Meanwhile, the kittens are summoned to the pool by Host Mark. While the tennis player’s away, the host will play? No, he’s there to give the kittens the chance to “create the perfect date.” …For the 40somethings! Dun dun DUUUUN! Yes, each team will be creating the other’s group date. I’d totally make the kittens go ice skating. Let’s see them all wear bikinis there!
Back at the threesome, Mark decides he wants to try and have dessert with Amanda. With five minutes left, Kelli tries to run out the clock. Right as Mark moves to make a break for it with seven seconds left, Kelli pulls out the old “hang on, you’ve got imaginary food on your face that I need to brush off” gambit, ensuring a cougar victory against Mark’s will. Hilariously, Mark tries to muffle the alarm so that Kelli might not hear it and he can go back to the other side. Needless to say, it doesn’t work. I almost feel sorry for Mark, but not as sorry as I feel for Kelli, since making Mark resent having to share dessert with her is definitely going to backfire. Pretty quickly, it turns out, as Mark and Amanda share a romantic walk back to the car, and he gives her a kiss goodbye. On the mouth! Back at the table of unmitigated desperation, Mark and Kelli share dessert as Kelli fools herself into thinking it was voluntary on Mark’s part.
In the Apartments of Catty Scheming, the kittens and the cougars brainstorm date ideas. The kittens, obviously, try to come up with a date that will make the cougars look old. They suspect that the cougars will be trying to make them look young. Oh, kittens. The fact that you think your vulnerable point is your youth only makes you seem all the stupider. In the end, though, the cougars do choose to attack the kittens’ age rather than their teeny tiny brains. Bad move, if you ask me.
The young’uns get sent to an “indoor playground” to play with Mark and a bunch of little kids at a birthday party. It’s pretty funny and fairly clever, because as Megan points out, the kids’ presence kept the alone time with Mark to a minimum. Way to go, Team Cougar! However, Mark is impressed with Adelaide…not so much with Mary, though, since he totally walks off to play “Duck, Duck, Goose” when she’s in the middle of a story. Ha! Mary sucks. Adelaide, who is totally going to win this thing, gets picked to ride back with Mark in the limo and then gets a goodnight kiss (Mark, you hussy!). Tessa is disappointed to be “one of the girls in the sea of women that haven’t gotten to know him.” Well, Tessa, those giant buoys on your chest should keep you from drowning. (And I mean that on multiple levels.)
The next morning, Amanda’s jealousy of Adelaide grows in leaps and bounds. Mary expresses confidence that Mark will choose a 20something, saying, “There’s too much natural beauty here [for him not to],” as she and Amanda layer on pounds of makeup and hair products. As the kittens, ah, enhance all that “natural beauty,” the cougars arrive for their date with Mark—a water aerobics class with old people. Funny, kittens, but a tactical error, as the 40somethings point out. These women work hard (and pay lots, I’d wager) to look hot in a swimsuit, which Mark notices. Plus, putting them next to real old people only makes them look much younger in comparison. Mark, for his part, loves that they’re laughing and enjoying the activity, and has a great time himself. They actually do seem like a fun group. Mark picks Maria to ride back with him in the limo, and invites her up to his apartment. (oooOOOoooh!) They chat for a bit, and Maria notices his stand-offish body language. Tragedy strikes when she gets a goodbye kiss…on the cheek. Kittens: 2. Cougars: 0.
Elimination time already? Everyone’s nervous. Maria says that she doesn’t think she’s found a “love connection” with Mark, and will just quit and cut her losses. Ah yes, the old, “Dump him before he dumps me” strategy. Whatever, wuss. (Jayanna, incidentally, has an awesome “safe from elimination” dance. She is totally my favorite contestant.) All the 20somethings are packed and ready to go except for Adelaide, who is supremely confident. Fair enough, Adelaide—seems like it’s yours to lose at this point.
Up on the Rooftop of Doom, a supposedly nervous Mark begins with Tessa and her gazongas. The three of them are safe, as is Amanda, whom Mark is “really looking forward to kissing some more.” Didn’t your mother teach you not to kiss and tell, dude? Megan is also still in, leaving Adelaide and Mary in suspense. Mark tells Adelaide that he really feels like a kiss can tell you something about a person, and that he didn’t feel like she gave him anything. No! WAY! She’s out!!! Jesus, did she bite him or something? How bad can a little peck on the lips be? Mary is practically peeing herself with relief. This is the craziest damn thing I have ever seen, including Sam’s elimination in the last season of Top Chef. Madness, Philippoussis, madness! Unless…NBC? Did you have something to do with this? At any rate, this competition is wide open now that Adelaide’s brief but intense reign of terror is over. Seize the day, old ladies!
But before any day-seizing can begin, Mark has to complete the elimination. After complimenting Mary’s boob-revealing dress, he asks her to stay and moves on to the cougars. Jen, whom he calls confident and attractive, is in, and Maria is up next. Mark starts by saying that he has tons of fun with her, and that he’s looking forward to getting to know her more. He says that he hopes she feels the same way, giving her the perfect opportunity after an awkward pause to…totally not quit, after calling him out a little for being hard to read. Jayanna’s elimination dance, it seems, was premature. Kelli’s smile becomes somewhat strained, and more so after Mark asks Jayanna to stay. However, Kelli is safe, and Lynn is the one getting the boot because of her shyness. I guess that pact she made with Satan/her plastic surgeon to look thirty forever isn’t going to pay off after all.
Host Mark comes out to announce that…the kittens will be moving into the retirement community on the 40th floor with the cougars! Will they be able to bring their hula hoops and bikinis with them? Will we have a (likely justified) mass murder on our hands? Find out next week!
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Flight of the Conchords: I wish I had a rapping alter ego
So I've taken to tricking people into watching Flight of the Conchords in an attempt to make it the runaway hit of the summer. I lure them to my apartment with promises of hanging out, and then I innocently propose watching the "You're So Beautiful" song from the first episode, because "I know you'll find it hilarious." After they inevitably do find it hilarious, I suggest we watch the whole episode, "since it's just a half hour." I've seen the first episode five times now, but I'm pretty sure that slowly but surely, I'm creating an army of Conchords fans. Follow my example, Conchords Army, and the world will be ours!
Tonight's episode kept up the momentum of the first two, and taught us all a valuable lesson about friendship. And muggers. The episode begins with Bret's mom and Murray expressing concerns about the guys' safety in New York. Murray helpfully outfits Bret and Jemaine with New York City-themed apparel, maps, and reflective suspenders in a bizarre attempt to keep them safe, which gets them mugged pretty much immediately. Bret tries to ward off the pair of muggers with his rapping "rhyme-noceros" alter ego (with Jemaine backing him up as the hip-hop-potamus):
Unfortunately, the muggers are not deterred, and give chase. Bret runs away while Jemaine gets caught on a fence, crying for help. Two days later, Bret returns to the scene of the crime with Murray and Dave, but Jemaine is nowhere to be found. They assume he's dead, until the police inform them that Jemaine has simply been stuck in jail making friends with John, one of the muggers, the other one having run away when the cops showed up. (Ten points to whoever can tell me where else I've seen John. It's bugging me.) Jemaine is understandably upset that Bret left him to die, and Bret doesn't appreciate being hassled about it. Wanting Jemaine to accept his apology, he arranges a meeting with the John-deserting mugger to get back some of Jemaine's property. All's well that ends well, and the two muggers hug and make up, setting a good example for Bret and Jemaine to follow.
I've said it before, but I'll say it again: This show rocks on multiple levels. It rocks so hard that it's sedimentary, igneous, and metamorphic. It rocks so hard that it goes all the way to 11 on the Moh's Scale of Rock Hardness. It rocks so hard that...um...yeah, I'm out of geology jokes. But it rocks really hard, is my point. Sunday at 10:30 on HBO.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Studio 60: R.I.P.
Last night the lights went out on Studio 60, my most anticipated show of the season (as well as my biggest let-down of the season). Since I've already covered the show's disappointing performance, and don't want to upset Studio 60's diehard fans in their time of mourning, I'll just say that the final episode was very satisfying. Aaron Sorkin tied up all the loose ends, and wrote in plenty of happy endings for the show's characters.
Contrary to my prediction, Jordan came out of the episode a-okay, complete with adoption papers for Danny to sign. Their new daughter, Rebecca Tripp, is pretty dang cute. Unlike every wrinkled, owlish, actually newborn infant I have ever seen. While Jordan was still in danger, Danny and Harriet got to spend some quality time together dissecting the whole Matt/Harriet thing.
After hearing that Matt has been getting high since fighting with her a few months back, Harriet decides that he's the man she wants to be with. Because...I don't know why. At any rate, she and Matt have a lovely "I'm the person you tell about these things" scene at the end of the episode, in which they confess their as-yet-undying love for each other and make out like crazy. Incidentally, both this scene and the above "Danny and Jordan looove each other" scene are schmaltzy sweet enough to remind me that Aaron Sorkin is also the man behind The American President (probably my favorite romantic movie ever).
Meanwhile, Simon and Jack continue to spend quality time together, and Steven Weber pulls out all the stops. Seriously, the dude's awesome. Give him his own show now, please. Jack finishes the story of how Matt and Danny left the show all those many years ago, and really seems to regret the way things were handled. In the end, he quite seriously demands that Simon not apologize, which is enough to get Simon to agree to apologize, of course. But they're interrupted by...
Tom's brother, on the phone from a helicopter containing his rescue team and the two other missing soldiers! So...that ransom thing really went nowhere, huh? Jubilation all around, anyway, and cigars too, as Danny arrives to celebrate his fatherhood. So happy endings for all (except for me, because Cal is barely in this episode), and we're out. It's been fun, Sorkin. I may not have loved this show as much as I wanted to, but I'm sure you learned some valuable lessons about ego projects and will move on to bigger and better things.
Hey Paula: Welcome to Paula time!
True confessions time: Until I heard the opening credits of Hey Paula, Bravo’s new reality series starring Paula Abdul, I had no idea what Paula’s biggest hit was. I’m pretty sure that back when she was popular I was still listening to my Barbra Streisand and Queen albums, because apparently I was a miniature gay man as a child. Hmm. So obviously, I’m not going into this show with a lot of Paula Knowledge. Thus, allow me to allow her to describe herself. Paula Abdul sees herself as an “everyday girl,” a “businesswoman,” and a “warrior.” I see Paula more as a drunken American Idol judge, whose CD all my friends used to have.
We join Paula on Grammy night, where she’s admiring her millions of dollars worth of loaned jewelry, and play-dressing her tiny dog/rats in the necklaces. Oh, and letting one of them chew on a zillion-dollar ring. Somehow, I doubt the jeweler would find that as funny as Paula does.
Horrifying Paula fact: She’s producing a live-action feature based on the Bratz dolls. She designed all the clothes and jewelry for the dolls, at her own expense. “And now they’ve stopped returning calls.” Oh, man. Is this going to be a sad show? Am I already finding myself sympathetic to Paula? Total disaster! I’m going to take a moment to steel myself. Aaaaand…okay. The Bratz producers are apparently finally returning Paula’s calls now, and want to see her designs immediately. I smell manufactured drama! Paula is hurt that they ignored her for months, and she’s not okay with it. She knows these Bratz dolls better than anyone! And hell, with all this makeup on, she even kind of looks like a Bratz doll. Incidentally, it apparently takes four hours to do Paula’s red carpet makeup. If I put on four hours worth of makeup, I’d probably look like a crazed mannequin, too.
Paula doesn’t understand why she’s always appearing on the worst-dressed lists. She ends up picking an expensive Valentino dress to wear to the Grammy’s, and I don’t really know much about fashion outside of Project Runway, so I’m just gonna say it looks fine to me. One of her dogs, by the way, may or may not be a morbidly obese Chihuahua that’s, like, the size of a basketball.
At the Grammy’s, Paula does the red carpet, and Joan Rivers loves her dress. Victory is Paula’s. After the Grammy’s, Paula has to be whisked off to the airport to get to a QVC taping on the opposite coast. Paula, unfortunately, is wandering around downtown in search of her limo (in a freaking ball gown). After she and her assistants finally connect (one hour before her flight) and she gets in the limo, Paula talks about how much everyone liked her dress…except for that darn Joan Rivers. (As you may recall from earlier in this paragraph, Joan Rivers did like her dress.) Her belated comeback: “I wanted to say to Joan, what doctor is your face wearing?” Amazing! And she totally cracks herself up with it, too. God, I really do kind of love Paula.
However, Paula throws a total hissy fit over the lack of comfy sweats to fly in. Diva, much? She actually starts crying a little because the pants her assistant picked out are so tight. She may be the most bipolar person I’ve ever seen on television. And that’s counting Janice Dickinson. Janice! Dickinson! They roll up half an hour before her flight, and Paula is still being insanely picky about the outfit she’s flying in (“I want my white tennis shoes!”). Cuh-razy. She’s totally going to miss her flight because of her outfit. And she’s all “Can you freakin’ believe this? Kids.” to the camera. Yeah, “kids.” Those crazy assistants, bringing you jeans to wear on the plane, and black tennis shoes.
She makes her flight with virtually no time to spare, still complaining the next morning about her tight jeans and how she couldn’t sleep on the plane. Losing…sympathy… At the QVC, she’s greeted like a big star. The QVC folks lose patience with her fast, though, as she micromanages every detail of her jewelry collection (“No! I didn’t want an indentation there! And that was supposed to be shinier!”). Paula, hilariously, keeps giving the camera Jim Halpern-style shrugs and eye-rolls, like we’re gonna be all, “Oh, those incompetent QVC-ers. If I had a nickel for every time they screwed up the finish on the bracelets I designed…”
Paula’s a bit worried about sale numbers since American Idol isn’t getting her free press that time of year, but she ends up selling out. Yay, Paula! At 5 a.m., after less than 24 hours at QVC, Paula heads back to LA. Wow, you guys. Is it possible that she’s just crazy all the time from exhaustion? This show is blowing my mind.
Bravo goes straight into the second episode, where we find Paula in New York receiving the Fashion Icon Award from the YMA Fashion Scholarship Fund. Fashion icon? Really? She’ll also be working on her fragrance line and doing American Idol press. She’s exhausted already. So one week, Paula’s talking about how she’s always the worst-dressed, and now she’s getting a fashion award? She looks at her speech for the first time fifteen minutes before the awards, which may have been a mistake. Oh, and she’s way late to the awards. And starving and tired. This is gonna rock. No, wait, this more than rocks…it ROCKS, ‘cause Tim Gunn is presenting the award! Tim Gunn and Paula Abdul: A perfect storm of class and crazy.
Paula’s speech is…out of order. And upside down. And rather than fix the pages, she chooses to ad lib. It’s awkward. Her biggest laugh is a Simon joke. Reflect upon that, fair readers. I bet it’ll be a familiar refrain with this show. Afterwards, she meets Tim, who claims to adore her and calls her a role model. Losing…respect…for Tim… After hugging a few fashion students, Paula calls the evening magical and poses for the paparazzi. After an addled middle-of-the-night Starbucks run, she heads back to the hotel at 4 a.m. to not sleep, because she apparently has insomnia and sleeps no more than an hour a night. Man, that sucks. No wonder she’s crazy.
The next day at her perfume meeting, Paula smells little pieces of paper and people’s arms and says, “mmm.” It’s pretty funny. Then, she gets to wear a lab coat and play scientist. Which is also a funny image, as you can imagine. The whole time, she’s so tired she acts like a small, oddly affectionate child. Everyone just tries to laugh extra-hard at her jokes, and she’s barely conscious by the time she gets to her hotel. But does she sleep? Not so much. And she’s also sick. So the live satellite interviews for the American Idol press junket the next morning should go really well, right?
And yes. She’s completely insane in the interviews. All over the place, not answering questions well, and increasingly falling apart as the day goes on. And there are, like, 50 interviews. She tries to stay energetic, but as she loses focus her answers just seem totally unhinged. It’s actually pretty hard to watch, because she really does look like she’s on drugs or having a nervous breakdown or something. I’m going to vow right here, right now that I will never, EVER go without sleep for that long. Because it’s an ugly, ugly thing. And the resulting press is also an ugly thing—she’s drunk, high, self-destructing, etc. And she’s about as happy with that press as you’d expect. Sad to say, I think I’m one of those people who watched a clip on The Soup and assumed Paula was hitting the sauce on TV. Have I mentioned that this show is blowing my mind? Here’s hoping it continues to blow my mind all summer!
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Top Chef: Ted! You came back to us!
Praise Ted! Finally, the prodigal judge (can a judge be prodigal if he only appeared in the prelude to the season?) returned to us. Although I notice that he was sitting in Gail's seat, so perhaps he and Gail will be tag-teaming it this season. If the previews for next week can be believed, Ted will be on the panel then, too, and that can only mean good things. No offense to Gail, but Ted is a little more articulate and considered in his food opinions, whereas Gail agrees with other people a lot.
This week's challenge: update classic family-style dishes. I thought this was a pretty cool and creative idea, until I remembered the TGI Friday's challenge from last year, from which this challenge only differed in that the chefs were given a set menu of dishes to recreate, and they were required to make them lower in cholesterol. Also, the dishes were served to Elks, not firefighters.
As soon as I saw the previouslies, which were all about Howie, his fight with Joey, and his bottom-feeding in the first couple of challenges, I knew that one of two things would be happening this week: either Howie was going to redeem himself or he was going to go home. The latter was true; Howie won with his pork chops, while Micah went home for disrespecting meatloaf. Seriously. I mean, I'm no meatloaf defender, I could happily spend the rest of my life not eating meatloaf. But even I – like the judges – was a little offended by Micah's attitude toward meatloaf, which she treats like some gross foreign food that those nutty Americans glomp ketchup all over.
By the way, I know Keckler addresses the terrible spelling in Bravo's graphics quite a bit, but as I'm an editor, too, those spelling errors hurt me just as much. This week's offense: "Sloppy Joe's." See, some people just can't spell, and that's okay. But if you don't have a copy editor handy, then Google and the dictionary are your friends. Especially if you're writing something for work, and even more especially if it's going to be shown to a national audience.
Burn Notice: And you thought being an active spy was hard?
Burn Notice, USA’s latest summer offering, is a clever, well-acted, generally awesome summer drama. You’ve got action, you’ve got comedy, you’ve got sarcastic narration, and you’ve got Bruce Freaking Campbell. What’s not to love, right? We begin with Michael Westen, a contractor for the CIA who is having a Very Bad Day. You see, right in the middle of arranging a big deal with a warlord wannabe in Nigeria, he gets a “burn notice” from the CIA. Blacklisted. Can’t work for them anymore. Ruh roh. Being the super bad-ass spy that he is, he just barely manages to escape with his life. You know, after a fight, a motorcycle chase, and a semi-conscious plane flight back to the States.
We rejoin Michael in Miami (his hometown), where he wakes up to find himself under the reluctant care of his ex-girlfriend Fiona (who used to rob banks for the IRA), and under surveillance by the FBI. After giving the feds the slip, Michael checks into a hotel…or at least tries to, until he discovers that his accounts have been frozen. When the CIA fires a spy, we learn, they remove all avenues by which the spy does his or her job, since the CIA can’t really remove the spy’s skills. Michael tries to contact his case officer by payphone (do those really still exist?), but the CIA operator refuses to connect him. One fake pipe bomb in the mail later (works for me every time), and Dan the case officer gets in touch with Michael, instructing him to lay low and stay in Miami. Dan can’t give him any information on the burn notice, other than to tell him that whoever issued it really wanted to shut him down.
After giving his watchers the slip again, Michael goes to see Lucy, an ex-spy. She doesn’t know why he’s been burned, but calls the awesomely named Sam Axe (BRUCE CAMPBELL!!!), “The Buddy,” to see if he’ll share a job with Michael so’s Michael can get some cash. Sam, apparently, is a drunk womanizer who also used to be a spy.
The job is for a rich businessman’s caretaker, Javier, who seems to be in a spot of trouble. The businessman was robbed of $22 million in jewelry and paintings, and only the caretaker had the security code. The businessman seems pretty sure the caretaker is innocent, and a quick trip to Barry the Money Launderer gets Michael in touch with an art dealer, who puts him on the trail of the real thief. Javier’s boss. Who robbed himself for the insurance money, only to set Javier up as the fall guy. Apparently, the rich guy is something of a crook. With a little bit of blackmail, a jury-rigged listening device, a carjacking, and a foiled kidnapping attempt, Javier is safe.
In the midst of all this, Michael finds an apartment with a Russian expatriate landlord who is well-familiar with Michael’s reputation. The apartment is apparently above some sort of underground club, and in an angry drug dealer’s turf. I smell a prank war! It’s all fun and games until someone’s knees get shot, man. So yeah, not so much with the drug dealer anymore. Michael’s also got a nagging, hypochondriac mother, but I doubt he’ll deal with her in the same way.
So basically, we’ve got a spy who’s not allowed to spy anymore (or know why he’s not allowed to spy anymore), with three true allies in Miami: Fiona, Sam, and Lucy. Oh, and apparently Sam and Lucy are talking to the feds, but hopefully just enough to keep them off Michael’s back. Anyway, seems the feds can be kept happy if Michael keeps his head down and stays out of trouble. Anyone see that as a possibility? No? Okay. Let’s all get psyched for next week’s episode, then, because Jeffrey Donovan is rockin’ this show hardcore. Thursdays at 10 on USA, baby.
Traveler: Who can you trust?
It's taken a surprisingly long time for such a conspiracy-laden show, but Traveler has finally reached the point where its main characters have run out of people to trust.
(Caution: spoilers.)
Before, Jay had his girlfriend, Kim, and Tyler had his dad, Carlton, to turn to for help. (Although, in the case of Carlton Fogg, it was rather dubious help to begin with.) Now, however, the boys have no one. Kim left New York without even saying goodbye, except in a flashback. And Carlton turned out to be just plain bad. He was the one who sold shares of that fine art insurance company before the bombing, and when Tyler confronted him about this, Carlton pretty much confirmed that his plan was to a) make lots of money on the bombing, and b) get rid of his wastrel son in the process. Now that is a bad dad. And, granted, I've never been much of a Tyler supporter, since I always thought that he was the dumber of the two runners, but he was in his element this week. When Jay and Tyler followed the paper trail of the stock trades, it was Tyler who knew what to do and what to look for, because this was his world, and he came off rather well. So, Carlton, your son really isn't as worthless as you thought he was. (Or as I thought he was. Sorry, Tyler.)
Will, too, had problems trusting his former friends this week, although that could have been because he'd just launched his Summer Revenge Tour and the Conspiracy had orders to take him in. He had to shoot a colleague of his when she tried to take him down, and, thanks to some torture that Jack Bauer himself would have been proud of, learned that he had something they wanted – the painting, presumably. And can I just say what a joy it is to watch Will work? Fighting, pickpocketing, interrogating, amassing a little stockpile of weapons – it's like watching some fresh, new version of 24. Go Will!
As for the FBI, they just get smarter and smarter. And I'm not just talking about Marlow, who I could almost call psychic, except that she knows what Jay and Tyler have done after they've already done it. But those flashes of insight she gets, such as her sudden certainty that Jay and Tyler went back to New York, are just as uncanny. No, I mean that the entire unit learned more about what was really going on, including, finally, getting a glimpse of Will Traveler and realizing that he was still alive. Also, the prints the FBI got back on the escapee – Bleached-Blond Conspiracy Guy – revealed him to be an undercover federal agent.
Now, all this time, I've been calling these guys the Conspiracy, because I was assuming that they had some nefarious anti-government scheme going. This could still be the case, but it's much more unlikely if everyone is actually a government agent. So the question becomes: why does the government want all this stuff to happen? Why pin it on Tyler and Jay? What do they want with the painting? And if the government really does want the painting, why can't they just take it?
Finally, and most importantly, those trust issues affected the relationship between Jay and Tyler too – the boys fought over Carlton's involvement in the bombing, Tyler punched Jay, and they went their separate ways. Will they find each other again? Are they just on a break? Can Tyler outrun the feds, who just spotted him on the corner? Those are questions for another week, but if I had to guess, I'd say the answer to all three is "yes."
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
On the Lot: Okay, that's it.
It is with great pleasure that I announce to you that I am no longer watching On the Lot, mostly because it is a giant turd of a show that I could barely sit through, even when fast-forwarding through every section involving Adrianna "nodding emphatically with each line is what I call good delivery!" Costa. Seriously, the show is a giant piece of crap. How do I hate thee, On the Lot? Let me count the ways (in no particular order).
- It's boring. For reals.
- The contestant films are largely stupid and unimaginative, and the ones that aren't total garbage aren't that much better than whatever I'd be watching other than On the Lot, anyway.
- I can't keep up with all the format changes.
- Adrianna Costa.
- Adrianna Costa.
- Adrianna Costa.
- Kenny's crappy movies. And Hilary's, and Jason's, and...
- America refuses to get rid of Kenny for making the aforementioned crappy movies.
- Gary Marshall is quite possibly going senile before our very eyes.
- All the (extremely necessary) fast-forwarding is wearing out my DVR.
- The guest judges are always better than the resident judges.
- House reruns would get better ratings...and yet I have to watch this crap instead.
- There is no mean British judge.
- Going over On the Lot in my mind in order to come up with this list is making my brain liquefy and run out of my ears.
- Aghlugmrshblachzzzzzzz........
So yeah, I'm putting my foot down before the next episode sends me into a coma. Goodbye, On the Lot. It's been truly horrible.
'America's Got Talent': If I can make it there…
For the final week of auditions, America's Got Talent came to New York City, the city where America's dreams of the stage begin, and, in many cases, die. But who cares about the ones who fail, unless they're so appallingly bad as to make good TV?
Take, for example, the Pennsylvania Hand Band. They had two guys in tuxes who claimed that they were classically trained. But that was neither here nor there, unless you can be classically trained in making fart noises with your hands. The other member of their group, by the way, was a man in a giant hand costume whose entire job, as near as I could tell, was to stand around in a giant hand costume. Clearly, these guys were never going to make it, but the Big Giant Hand assured their place in the final cut of the episode.
So remember last week's drama over Boy Shakira, the act that the Hoff hated and Sharon and Piers put through anyway? New York brought about exactly the same thing, thanks to Leonid the Magnificent. You may remember him as the guy who auditioned last year wearing a pair of angel wings and some body paint; this time he was dressed as, I think, an Aztec priest wearing body paint. Again, Sharon and Piers said yes, and again, David stormed off. And again, I agree with David Hasselhoff. It was cool that Leonid refused to apologize for who he was to David, but the fact remains that the act was baffling. (What was with the girls with chains?) By the way, it feels strange enough for me to say that I agree with David Hasselhoff, but what's even stranger is that I seem to be making a habit of it.
Some of my favorite acts of the night:
- Illmatic Styles: You will be inspired by this dance troupe. From the moment that the tearjerking strains of "I'll Stand by You" assailed your ears in the intro clips, it was pretty obvious that these guys were going to sail through and provide a great story. And they did; one of their members, Luka, aka "Lazy Legz," had a muscular disorder that left him with little mobility in his legs, but he came out and spun and jumped around along with the rest of his crew. They were a good act, but Luka and his crew would have been just as inspirational without the show telling us how inspirational they were.
- Philadelphia Plowden: A stand-up comic who was brave enough to do an entire set about Hurricane Katrina. I wasn't sure at first, but he got in some pretty good barbs. I'd like to see what other material he's got.
- Glamazons: They were the plus-size Pussycat Dolls, according to – well, everyone – and their performance of "Lady Marmalade" scored a point for normal-sized women everywhere. Thank you, Glamazons, for giving me the confidence to eat that cookie dough ice cream in my freezer.
- Three Redneck Tenors: Another one of those unexpected gems. Three guys came out in ridiculous mullet wigs, sang an a capella version of Beethoven's Fifth, and it was actually fabulous.
And while we're on the subject, there were a couple of acts that I appreciated for what I will freely admit are frivolous reasons. One was Rubberboy, a contortionist who inspired the line of the night from David Hasselhoff: "You hurt me, Rubberboy." (I'm going to try to use that in casual conversation.) The other was The Great Throwdini, a "dangerous creepy reverend" (Piers' words) with a knife-throwing act. The act itself was all right, but what I really loved about Throwdini was that he went by the same stage name as Dave's knife-throwing nemesis on NewsRadio. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you owe it to yourself to find out.
Meet you back here in two weeks for the Vegas callbacks!
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Science of Love: Making love...with science
NBC sure is into the dating experiments these days. In the one-hour special Science of Love: A Modern Dating Experiment, NBC “pose[s] the question: Is finding your soul mate instinct, or can science make you fall in love?” God, science is so pushy sometimes! Repping science are “top experts in the field of love,” there to find one poor fellow’s “perfect match.” (I can already tell this is going to be amazing!)
The subject? Professional football player Adam Johnson, who is currently getting over a cheating girlfriend. Adam is looking for someone he can build something with, and he thinks he’s ready to meet the love of his life. Mark Consuelos is ready to help him out, and is backed by a stable of scientific experts who claim to have found Adam his true love, out of “50 million single women in America” (all of whom tried out for this show, I’m assuming). And not only have the experts chosen the girl, they’ve also engineered the date to maximize its potential for looove.
But that’s not all! Adam will be choosing a second girl himself based on instinct, from fifty potential choices. Mark, with the help of PerfectMatch.com (in the ultimate product placement), is an "expert" on these girls, and helps Adam narrow down the field. Adam nixes the girls with tattoos (18), the girls who can’t cook (10), and the girls who put career over family (17). Wow, I am SO not into Adam right now. Adam meets the remaining five women, and eliminates two immediately. He goes upstairs to spend a little more quality time with the other three women, and is reminded to follow his instincts.
Angelise gets in trouble by virtue of being a dog person. Nikki talks a big singing game, but can’t deliver with “Rock a Bye Baby.” Nina takes charge, and Adam feels immediate chemistry—he chooses her as his instinctive match. Incidentally, if Mark Consuelos mentions “making love” in the context of creating love for Adam one more time, I’m going to die laughing. Let’s everyone “take a look at how science…is trying to make love.”
Adam was put through “extensive scientific testing,” including a personality profile from PerfectMatch, pupil dilation tracking, handwriting analysis, and polygraph tests. These tests indicated that Adam’s subconscious isn’t into the same types of chicks that he typically goes for. (He claims to like short, straightforward extroverts when he really prefers tall, mysterious introverts.) This is the craziest thing I have ever seen. The scientists used PerfectMatch.com to narrow down matches, and found one woman after “weeks of comparative analysis.” I’m totally picturing an Adam Johnson War Room, full of charts, graphs, and drugged women in cages.
Adam’s perfect match, Casey Dee, is pretty cute. Although again, I’m not sure she was chosen “out of 50 million women,” so much as out of the however many desperados registered on PerfectMatch. Nina and Casey Dee both espouse confidence in the methods by which they were selected. Adam looks like he wants to choose Secret Option Three: Threesome City, and take them home right now. Mark informs Adam that he’ll be going on a date with Nina of his choosing, and a date with Casey Dee of science’s choosing. Butt out, science!
Nina likes to go out, stay in, and cook. Wow, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her so well in such a short amount of time. Adam takes her to a football stadium on their date, because football is a big part of his life. Nina isn’t really into it. How amazing would it be if she rejected him? They practice hiking each other the ball, and he takes the opportunity to check out her ass. They do a little giggling and hugging, but she’s ready to move on to the romantic portion of the date. Which is, in this case, a romantic dinner featuring conversation killer after conversation killer—“You should be afraid to meet my mom,” from Adam, and “Have you ever cheated on a girl?” from Nina. Yikes.
Still, they overcome the awkwardness (after Adam admits to being a cheater) with some dancing at a club. They seem to get along pretty well, from the grinding and ass-grabbing and all. After champagne and strawberries in the VIP room, Adam tries to kiss Nina. Unfortunately for Adam, Nina doesn’t kiss on the first date. ...Seriously? She wonders out loud if his “other date is going to be a ho-bag on the first date.” HA! I kind of love Nina. Go, instinct!
24 hours later, we join Adam and Casey Dee on the “Science Date.” We get about as much info on Casey Dee as we did on Nina. The date starts at the beach, where “higher oxygen levels encourage physical bonding.” Are you taking notes, everyone? Casey Dee is feeling the chemistry as they hike around (causing them to sweat and release pheromones, which increase physical attraction). Adam’s pretty into Casey Dee. They hug as they watch a plane fly by with the sign, “Adam and Casey Dee…Take the Leap!” Yes, these two potential lovebirds will be bungee jumping off of a crane. How…romantic? Apparently, high anxiety levels flood your brain with some chemical that increases sexual attraction.
They get strapped in together and raised up on the crane, sharing a kiss before they jump. Aww. Score one for science, and score one for ho-bags. The adrenaline rush apparently increases the emotional bond between the two potential lovebirds. Oh, and Adam "accidentally" straddles her during the jump. Ha. Science has prepared a meal of aphrodisiacs for Adam and Casey Dee, which they share on the beach by firelight. Casey Dee has a tough time talking about her mom, and actually starts to cry a little. They move to the fire, where they feed each other chocolate (another aphrodisiac). God, I’m shocked they aren’t throwing down and having sex right there on the beach. Instead, they have to have a five-minute staring contest, basically (to “imitate the sensation of being in love”). Wow. Five minutes is a looong time. They cuddle on the beach for a while, and the “love making” date seems to have worked well on Casey Dee, at least.
Adam’s really into both women, and isn’t sure how he’ll decide. Nina sees Adam as “boyfriend material,” while it seems that Casey Dee might be in it for a little more. Adam sits down for an awkward rooftop chat with the two ladies and Mark. Mark asks which lady was the better kisser, and Adam dodges the question. Nina at first proudly admits to not kissing on the first date, and then seems unhappy when Casey Dee talks about all the making out she and Adam did. Hilariously, Mark is all, “Nina clearly has values that she didn’t want to compromise, and Casey Dee…um…probably has values too.” Adam is getting more uncomfortable by the minute.
Nina says he should choose her because he…already did. And she also says she’ll kiss him on their second date. Casey Dee touts the PerfectMatch thing, and says she realizes after their date why she was chosen for him. Decision time. Adam chooses science over instinct, and goes with Casey Dee. I give them about four dates. But wait! Mark reminds us that “this is just an experiment,” and gives Casey Dee a choice. Tickets to somewhere really nice for a second date, or she can come back next week for the same experience Adam had, with science choosing her Perfect Match™. She sticks with Adam. Um, duh. That wasn’t a good twist at all! Ah, well. The happy couple is off to Hawaii, secure in their knowledge that “it is possible that science can make love.”
Monday, June 25, 2007
Age of Love: Meet the Kittens
“The Great Dating Experiment Continues…” We rejoin Mark as a curtain drops, revealing six 20somethings striking their sluttiest fiercest poses. Sadly for Mark, he won’t get to meet them until the next morning. Later, on the 20th floor (thanks for making it easy for me, NBC!), the 20somethings hang out in their underwear, discussing the lack of competition due to the bountiful number of eggs in their ovaries (seriously). Nice to see they still have a team mentality. I wonder how long that’ll last.
Hey, NBC got some intern to look up “age” in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, and we’re treated to this educational gem: “It’s all that the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date” –George Bernard Shaw. Wow, that quotation replenished about twelve of the fifty IQ points I’ve lost watching this show so far. Thanks again, NBC!
Meanwhile, on the 40th floor, the elderly contestants obsess over Mark and the date he must be planning. Um, yeah, because Mark totally plans all these dates himself. Last week he was all, “Hmm…a picnic in the park? A walk on the beach? No, I think we’ll rappel down a 12-story building.”
The 20somethings head up to the roof in their bikinis, ready to meet Mark. And they’re doing it in broad daylight, not under the cover of darkness like the 40somethings. Feel the shame of your advanced age, 40somethings! You must hide from the sun like the monstrosities that you are! Mark is pretty darn psyched to meet the meat. I mean, meet the intelligent, capable, not at obnoxiously mean 20somethings.
Lauren, a 27-year-old lighting designer, isn’t very worried about the competition. Start worrying, Lauren—even you are a bit older than Mark’s average girlfriend. Mark thinks she’s hot. Next up is Adelaide, a 26-year-old photojournalist who claims to have been born in Australia. Mark thinks she’s beautiful. Then we have Amanda, a 25-year-old “hockey team dancer.” Mark’s all, “I love Amanda’s enormous, round, perky, silicon…um…smile. She’s got a great smile.” Amanda wants a man who’s really “ready to get into this,” and do more than “just play a game.” Um…you’re on a dating show, Amanda. The whole thing’s a game. Did they siphon off some gray matter to fill those saline bags you’ve got hanging off of your chest?
Next, we have Mary, a 24-year-old dialysis technician who’s a bit of an awkward talker. Tessa, a 23-year-old in surgical sales, thinks she brings “a sense of humor,” “great morals,” and “great thoughts” to the table. I assume that’s along with her enormous pair of fake breasts. Mark readily admits his difficulty maintaining eye contact. Next is the comparatively flat-chested 21-year-old student, Megan. Don’t worry, Megan! You’re still young…you’ve got plenty of time ahead of you for ginormous implants. Mark loves her blue eyes, and takes her over to join the rest of the girls poolside. He interviews that he’s hanging out with six beautiful young women in bikinis, and thinks he’s up for the challenge. Is that some sort of double entendre? ‘Cause I bet he’s up for the challenge.
Mark picks Tess and her enormous ta-ta’s for a one-on-one chat. Tess…doesn’t come across as the sharpest scalpel on the plastic surgeon’s tray. Props, by the way, to the NBC editors who included a shot of two enormous beach balls bouncing side-by-side past Mark and Tess as they’re talking. Hee hee. Lauren and Mary, impatient with sharing Mark, lure him and Tess into the pool. Mark is pretty much living out his wildest fantasy. However, once the crazy rock music stops playing, it’s actually pretty quiet and awkward. If only there were some worldly 40somethings to liven up the conversation!
The 40somethings, as it happens, are partying back on the 40th floor. You know, doing what all 40somethings do—shrieking as they lick whipped cream off one another, bouncing around, stripper dancing… Bust out some bikinis and hula hoops, and they’d be doing it up 20th floor-style. Definitely a livelier scene than up on the roof, where conversation is still nonexistent. As Mark he talks to all the women separately, he realizes that they are all still figuring out their career paths and lives, and don’t really know who they are yet (other than hot young babes). Mark isn’t finding the conversations hot at all. Not like those successful, barren 40somethings. Oh, the dilemma! He manages to make a connection with Adelaide, flirtress extraordinaire. Mary is disappointed with her performance.
Host Mark shows up to tear Mark away from the hotties, and tells the ladies that some of them have a date coming up, but others won’t see Mark again until elimination. Mark isn’t pleased with the 20somethings’ performance, and claims he misses the older women. Okay, Mark. Whatever you say. It looked like you were enjoying Tessa’s chest quite a bit from where I was sitting.
Mark looks forward to his date with the 40somethings, which is… roller skating? To remind Mark that the 40somethings grew up in an era when roller disco was actually cool, instead of retro? They have to put on humiliating 70’s costumes, which they sort of seem to enjoy. Whatever, desperados. They skate their old lady asses off, putting Mark to shame. It’s all fun and games until someone breaks a hip, guys.
Meanwhile, on the 20th floor, Mary is sobbing inconsolably due to her lack of alone time and awkward interactions with Mark. Apparently, “[She] had the power within [her] to prevent all of this!” Um, yeah, by not being a fame whore and coming on this show. Or is that not what you meant? The house is “somber.” No bikini hula-hooping today, y’all.
Back at the roller disco, the 40somethings have a limbo contest to win alone time with Mark. Incidentally, Lynn’s entire ass is hanging out of her costume. These chicks are very good sports. Angela wins, ish. During couples’ skate, she expresses her surprise to Mark that he thought she was shy. Jen, the oldest contestant at 48, interrupts Angela’s alone time with Mark. After he complements her youthful looks, she claims “good genetics.” Sure, if by “genetics” you mean “plastic surgeons.” Mark freaks out a bit at the thought that Jen’s old enough to be his mom.
Mark picks Amanda, Adelaide, and Megan for his date with the 20somethings. Mary’s a bit too dumb to work the fancy cell phone the girls have been provided, incidentally. Amanda, cleverly but incorrectly, wonders if maybe Mark picked the girls he was considering eliminating instead of the girls he’s interested in. The chosen few head over to his place for an evening of Dance Dance Revolution, ‘cause that’s what the kids are into these days.
Mark “had a chance to see a side of Megan that [he] never saw before.” Before, as in during the one previous interaction you had with her? Riiight. He finds her fun to be around, anyway. Mark feels that the girls in general did a good job representing the 20somethings. Before they leave, though, Adelaide asks for a minute alone with Mark. Dun dun DUUUUN! The other girls aren’t really on board with it, but can’t do anything about it. So…Amanda tries to hold a glass (or a conch shell?) to the door to listen in. Adelaide basically tells Mark that she’s into him, and wants to break out of her shell when she’s around him. Mark’s happy to hear it. Well-played, Adelaide! Amanda doesn’t necessarily feel the group date went as well for her.
The 40somethings discuss the upcoming elimination while the 20somethings drink to the 40somethings, “with their crow’s feet and saggy boobs.” Ah, Tessa. Your boobs are certainly anything but saggy. They could save small children from drowning. Mary jokes about menopause, thereby karmically ensuring herself a future filled with hot flashes and a waning sex drive.
Apparently, tonight Mark has to send one woman from each age group home. So…not so much choosing between the two yet, eh, NBC? The 40something women congregate on the rooftop, and Mark fears invoking their mighty wrath, subdued with Botox though it may be. And then, the bombshell: the 20somethings descend from a slut-evator, wrecking the 40somethings’ hopes of happiness and hot tennis star sex forever and ever. Mark looks like he wants to throw up. Poor guy. Come by my place and I’ll comfort you, Mark! I won’t even judge you for doing this show (much), I promise!
The 20somethings stand next to the 40somethings, who despair at first, but quickly rally back with nervous laughter. The 20somethings take offense, assuming they are being laughed at. It only lasts for about 10 seconds, but trust me, it’s hilarious (especially the quick shot of Mary trying to look dignified in the face of what she sees as open ridicule). God, this show is amazing. It’s the little moments, you guys.
After Host Mark explains the premise of the show, Mark has to make his decisions (made much less suspenseful by the fact that he won’t have to choose which age he prefers at all). He restates that age is but a number, and calls Tessa to the front of the class. Making a valiant effort at eye contact, Mark asks her and her knockers to stay. Maria’s up next, and also gets asked to stay. Mary, Jayanna, Megan, Lynn, Amanda, and Kelli are all still in as well.
That leaves Lauren and Adelaide on the 20something side, and things don’t work out so well for Lauren. He just doesn’t see himself attracted to her (‘cause she’s all of 27 years old, I bet). Adelaide, of course, is still in. On the 40something side, we have Jen and Angela. Mark tells Jen that he feels like there could be something there, and asks her to stay. Seriously? Well, okay… That sucks for Angela—I really liked her! Mark just didn’t feel the connection with her, and tearfully says he doesn’t see it working out. Tears all around. Next week, the competition gets ugly. Well, uglier.
TV on DVD: Kitchen Confidential
Kitchen Confidential is one of those shows, like Andy Richter Controls the Universe and Undeclared, that I always intended to watch until Fox's itchy trigger finger got in the way and I never got a chance. Admittedly, Kitchen Confidential doesn't have quite the reputation of those other two shows. Still, it was supposed to be solid, quirky fun, and it had a better-than-solid cast. Plus, I had heard great things about the book on which it was based, a tell-all about gourmet restaurant kitchens by Anthony Bourdain.
Happily, two years later, the entire series has been released on DVD, including 9 unaired episodes. Even more happily (and in the interest of full disclosure), Fox provided me with said DVDs to review. Thanks, Fox! I've finally watched all 13 episodes, and I have to say, I'm pretty favorably impressed. The show stars Bradley Cooper as "Jack" Bourdain, a recovering drug/alcohol/women addict who's given a fresh start in the form of Nolita, a fancy restaurant in immediate need of a head chef. He assembles the usual team of misfits and rascals, including Buffy's Nicholas Brendan and Harold and Kumar's John Cho, and the show pretty much goes from there. Yay, wacky kitchen hijinks!
Watching the DVDs, it becomes clear that Kitchen Confidential was really just starting to get off the ground when it was cancelled. The sixth episode in particular, "Rabbit Test," explored the characters more deeply, giving the writers access to greater comedic potential in that episode and future episodes (none of which aired in the US). Although a few of the episodes seem out of order (characters appear and disappear somewhat randomly), the story arcs are engaging, as is Cooper's portrayal of Bourdain. (However, having seen the real Bourdain on Top Chef, it seems to me that Cooper is way too adorable to truly embody the man his character is based on--a man who, let's face it, would probably make a pretty unsympathetic main character)
The show's ratings trouble may have been partly due to the fact that it straddles the line between traditional multi-camera sitcoms and newfangled critical favorites like Scrubs and The Office. It doesn't have a laugh track, and has jokes more complex than the usual sitcom fare, but fails take the format somewhere different like most of the new school of sitcoms. This may have made it more difficult for Kitchen Confidential to carve out a niche, although it is far from a weak point (lack of a laugh track is never a weak point in my book).
Kitchen Confidential's strong point was definitely its cast, although the writing provides helpful support. The actors really seem to enjoy doing scenes together, and the comedic chemistry between the lead group of characters is fantastic. My only complain is that John Cho wasn't in enough episodes--his character Teddy's scenes almost always made me laugh.
In summation, Kitchen Confidential was never going to be the next Arrested Development, but it certainly deserved more of a chance than Fox gave it. It was often smart, usually funny, and improving with every episode as the writers refined their voice and the characters became three-dimensional. While the DVDs don't have a lot to offer in terms of extras (cast interviews and commentary, mostly), they're worth checking out solely to see the remaining nine episodes of a show that should have made more. Especially if you liked what you saw when it originally aired.
'The 4400': Together again, naturally
Finally, things are back to normal on The 4400.
(Spoilers, of course.)
Whatever normal is, anyway. The extra crispies are still running rampant, and Shawn's brother wants to take promicin, and Tom may be giving up on Alana, and Isabelle is being transferred, after some shadowy men first determined that she can't get her abilities back ever, and weird old cults are cropping up, but at least Tom and Diana are back together. Hey, we always knew she'd come back, right?
We also know that Diana's staying, despite her protests that she only wants to find April. Tom and Diana are the foundation of this show, after all; they can't break up for long. Tom, in fact, illustrated precisely why he needs Diana around this week when he suggested nearly killing himself again to get the future to listen to him. Great idea, Diana pointed out – unless the future decides to ignore you. Tom and Diana like the MythBusters in that way – one is impetuous and apt to do something stupid, and the other is more level-headed and careful, and can talk the other one down. And, just like the MythBusters, that's why they make a great team.
This week's extra crispy: an autistic boy whose ability made people see their worst fears. The show tried to make you guess about who had the ability, but, if you were like me, I'm sure you were yelling, "Don't pick up the train!" as soon as you saw the autistic kid, because that's how he got Garrity. Why introduce an autistic kid if not to have him go off, er, spread his ability around later? Since his father only gave the kid promicin to try to help him, the story ended up with a very touching scene in which Shawn healed the kid's autism and he recognized his dad for the first time. Aww.
And hey, remember Cassie, the faux art school girl? She introduced Kyle to an old cult called White Light, which believed in a messiah who looked suspiciously like Jordan Collier. So Jordan might be a messiah? Yeah, and water is wet, so what else is new? Well, the fact that the White Lighters also predicted a shaman who could see visions – who Cassie thought was Kyle. Why haven't we seen any of these visions yet, you ask? Oh, but we have – because his visions are of Cassie! Yes, Kyle's developed the ability to see a spunky redhead who tells him what to do. Unfortunately, like Ed Asner, I hate spunk, so I'm not real sold on this ability yet. But I'm interested to see what's going to happen, because I do like the idea.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Flight of the Conchords: Are you watching yet?
Although the only other new summer shows that I've watched with any regularity have been On the Lot and Hidden Palms, which aren't exactly daunting competition, I'm ready to call Flight of the Conchords the best new show of the summer. Tonight's episode of Conchords was just as funny as last week's, and made clear that the show has the potential to soar to even greater comedic heights. (Get it? Concords?? Soar??? Hahahacough.)
Friday, June 22, 2007
Top Chef: Have you seen Ted?
Oh, Bravo. What the hell? You promised me Ted Allen. I distinctly remember being promised Ted Allen this season. He showed up in the season one vs. season two challenge, but since then, where's he gone? Instead of my favorite Queer Eye guy, instead I get the same old: chirpy Gail, "I'm not your mommy" Tom, Lady Padma, and the guest judge, who I believe this week was a young Dick Van Patten.
This week's barbecue challenge was pretty cool. I like that the show has managed to come up with unique challenges so far; now that Top Chef is in its third season, there is every danger that it'll start to repeat itself. But with some smart challenges, it's managed to avoid that, and I like to think that it's because of Lee Anne's influence behind the camera. Nice job, Lee Anne! The editors will also be getting props from me this week, because of their giant fake-out concerning Sara N. For the entire episode, they showed nothing but what made Sara look incompetent: her stumbling introduction of her Quickfire dish, her fuzzy math at the meat counter, and her problems getting the grill started. And then she turns out to be in the top three! You win this round, editors.
By the way, I thought I had a handle on who all the chefs were, and then suddenly in the Elimination Challenge, they cut to this brunette who started interviewing like she was a contestant. Camille? Who's Camille? How long has she been here? Check her credentials!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Studio 60: Just a little bit of history repeating...
Sigh. I just- sigh. You guys had better appreciate this recap, because I ended a perfectly good (very good, in fact) date early so I could get home in time to watch this episode in which, again, nothing happened. I've reached a point where I don't even know what to say about Studio 60 anymore. The good characters are wasted while we spend time focusing on bad relationships and crazy plots (which may or may not be dropped from one week to the next, coughMatt'sdrugaddictioncough). The show's perfectly good original premise has been all but abandoned in order to make it into another West Wing. What used to be fun, with a good political edge, has become absurdly overdramatic. Every week Aaron Sorkin uses Studio 60 as his own personal soapbox, sacrificing art for ego. The list goes on and on.
All of that said, it's certainly far from the worst show on television. In fact, it's pretty good. How could it not be? Amazing cast, great dialogue most of the time, the best set on television, good directing... It's just that, given all that, how could it not be better? How could it not be great? I'm not mad, Sorkin, I'm just disappointed. And even though I know a lot of you out there disagree with me, in my opinion NBC wasn't wrong to cancel Studio 60. They gave it a first chance and a second chance, and the show just failed to reach its enormous potential. And, let's face it, was pretty freaking expensive to make. Ah, well. Some of us will just have to agree to disagree. On to the episode...
This week was part three of three episodes, although it might as well have ended with a "To be continued." Jordan's still hovering between life and death, Tom's brother is still being held hostage in Afghanistan, Simon is still in trouble with the press, and we're still flashing back to yesteryear, where Matt and Danny are still, to paraphrase The West Wing, allowing their demons to shout down their better angels.
While this show may not have plots that can advance even one night over a period of four episodes, it does have an incredible depth of characters to work with. Tonight, for example, I gained a greater appreciation for Jack Rudolph, and the incredible burden it is to have to be the bad guy, even when you know that the people you're chewing out (and apparently firing) are in the right. More of this, Sorkin! More character-driven action, and not action-driven action, if that makes sense. Not every episode has to be a sweeps episode. You're not ER, and John Wells isn't in charge of this show. Oh, well. Guess it's too late for advice. I'll just continue wailing about wasted potential.
The episode left us with Jordan still in critical condition, leaving Danny's paternal rights uncertain; Tom ready to pay the terrorists a huge ransom in order to retrieve his brother; Simon still refusing to apologize for telling the press he wants to blow them up; and Matt and Danny on the verge of being fired for refusing to apologize for airing a political sketch that bothered advertisers. Which we pretty much already knew would happen, since it's in the past.
Next week on Studio 60: Hopefully some of these plots actually get resolved, since it's the last episode and all.
