Science of Love: Making love...with science

NBC sure is into the dating experiments these days. In the one-hour special Science of Love: A Modern Dating Experiment, NBC “pose[s] the question: Is finding your soul mate instinct, or can science make you fall in love?” God, science is so pushy sometimes! Repping science are “top experts in the field of love,” there to find one poor fellow’s “perfect match.” (I can already tell this is going to be amazing!)

The subject? Professional football player Adam Johnson, who is currently getting over a cheating girlfriend. Adam is looking for someone he can build something with, and he thinks he’s ready to meet the love of his life. Mark Consuelos is ready to help him out, and is backed by a stable of scientific experts who claim to have found Adam his true love, out of “50 million single women in America” (all of whom tried out for this show, I’m assuming). And not only have the experts chosen the girl, they’ve also engineered the date to maximize its potential for looove.

But that’s not all! Adam will be choosing a second girl himself based on instinct, from fifty potential choices. Mark, with the help of PerfectMatch.com (in the ultimate product placement), is an "expert" on these girls, and helps Adam narrow down the field. Adam nixes the girls with tattoos (18), the girls who can’t cook (10), and the girls who put career over family (17). Wow, I am SO not into Adam right now. Adam meets the remaining five women, and eliminates two immediately. He goes upstairs to spend a little more quality time with the other three women, and is reminded to follow his instincts.

Angelise gets in trouble by virtue of being a dog person. Nikki talks a big singing game, but can’t deliver with “Rock a Bye Baby.” Nina takes charge, and Adam feels immediate chemistry—he chooses her as his instinctive match. Incidentally, if Mark Consuelos mentions “making love” in the context of creating love for Adam one more time, I’m going to die laughing. Let’s everyone “take a look at how science…is trying to make love.”

Adam was put through “extensive scientific testing,” including a personality profile from PerfectMatch, pupil dilation tracking, handwriting analysis, and polygraph tests. These tests indicated that Adam’s subconscious isn’t into the same types of chicks that he typically goes for. (He claims to like short, straightforward extroverts when he really prefers tall, mysterious introverts.) This is the craziest thing I have ever seen. The scientists used PerfectMatch.com to narrow down matches, and found one woman after “weeks of comparative analysis.” I’m totally picturing an Adam Johnson War Room, full of charts, graphs, and drugged women in cages.

Adam’s perfect match, Casey Dee, is pretty cute. Although again, I’m not sure she was chosen “out of 50 million women,” so much as out of the however many desperados registered on PerfectMatch. Nina and Casey Dee both espouse confidence in the methods by which they were selected. Adam looks like he wants to choose Secret Option Three: Threesome City, and take them home right now. Mark informs Adam that he’ll be going on a date with Nina of his choosing, and a date with Casey Dee of science’s choosing. Butt out, science!

Nina likes to go out, stay in, and cook. Wow, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her so well in such a short amount of time. Adam takes her to a football stadium on their date, because football is a big part of his life. Nina isn’t really into it. How amazing would it be if she rejected him? They practice hiking each other the ball, and he takes the opportunity to check out her ass. They do a little giggling and hugging, but she’s ready to move on to the romantic portion of the date. Which is, in this case, a romantic dinner featuring conversation killer after conversation killer—“You should be afraid to meet my mom,” from Adam, and “Have you ever cheated on a girl?” from Nina. Yikes.

Still, they overcome the awkwardness (after Adam admits to being a cheater) with some dancing at a club. They seem to get along pretty well, from the grinding and ass-grabbing and all. After champagne and strawberries in the VIP room, Adam tries to kiss Nina. Unfortunately for Adam, Nina doesn’t kiss on the first date. ...Seriously? She wonders out loud if his “other date is going to be a ho-bag on the first date.” HA! I kind of love Nina. Go, instinct!

24 hours later, we join Adam and Casey Dee on the “Science Date.” We get about as much info on Casey Dee as we did on Nina. The date starts at the beach, where “higher oxygen levels encourage physical bonding.” Are you taking notes, everyone? Casey Dee is feeling the chemistry as they hike around (causing them to sweat and release pheromones, which increase physical attraction). Adam’s pretty into Casey Dee. They hug as they watch a plane fly by with the sign, “Adam and Casey Dee…Take the Leap!” Yes, these two potential lovebirds will be bungee jumping off of a crane. How…romantic? Apparently, high anxiety levels flood your brain with some chemical that increases sexual attraction.

They get strapped in together and raised up on the crane, sharing a kiss before they jump. Aww. Score one for science, and score one for ho-bags. The adrenaline rush apparently increases the emotional bond between the two potential lovebirds. Oh, and Adam "accidentally" straddles her during the jump. Ha. Science has prepared a meal of aphrodisiacs for Adam and Casey Dee, which they share on the beach by firelight. Casey Dee has a tough time talking about her mom, and actually starts to cry a little. They move to the fire, where they feed each other chocolate (another aphrodisiac). God, I’m shocked they aren’t throwing down and having sex right there on the beach. Instead, they have to have a five-minute staring contest, basically (to “imitate the sensation of being in love”). Wow. Five minutes is a looong time. They cuddle on the beach for a while, and the “love making” date seems to have worked well on Casey Dee, at least.

Adam’s really into both women, and isn’t sure how he’ll decide. Nina sees Adam as “boyfriend material,” while it seems that Casey Dee might be in it for a little more. Adam sits down for an awkward rooftop chat with the two ladies and Mark. Mark asks which lady was the better kisser, and Adam dodges the question. Nina at first proudly admits to not kissing on the first date, and then seems unhappy when Casey Dee talks about all the making out she and Adam did. Hilariously, Mark is all, “Nina clearly has values that she didn’t want to compromise, and Casey Dee…um…probably has values too.” Adam is getting more uncomfortable by the minute.

Nina says he should choose her because he…already did. And she also says she’ll kiss him on their second date. Casey Dee touts the PerfectMatch thing, and says she realizes after their date why she was chosen for him. Decision time. Adam chooses science over instinct, and goes with Casey Dee. I give them about four dates. But wait! Mark reminds us that “this is just an experiment,” and gives Casey Dee a choice. Tickets to somewhere really nice for a second date, or she can come back next week for the same experience Adam had, with science choosing her Perfect Match™. She sticks with Adam. Um, duh. That wasn’t a good twist at all! Ah, well. The happy couple is off to Hawaii, secure in their knowledge that “it is possible that science can make love.”