Burn Notice: Michael Westen's Household Hints!

I love this show. I love the soundtrack’s Miami flavor. I love Bruce Campbell (yes, and Jeffrey Donovan). I love the dry narration. I love Michael’s charm, and I love that despite that charm, he still can’t manage to comfort an upset old lady when he’s not in character. I love this show. And, it’s full of helpful tips! For example, if you’re trying to catch a con artist, send in another con artist. Or a spy. Because they’re basically the same, apparently. Plus, bugs don’t plant themselves—“eavesdropping and fieldwork go hand in hand.” Oh, and something about breaking up teams and planting seeds of distrust and smoking the resulting…um…discord? Way more helpful than Heloise’s hints, if you ask me. I was just outside wiring a blasting cap into a car’s gas tank, and then I was all, “No, wait…Burn Notice taught me to put the blasting cap in the electrical system.” Thanks, Burn Notice!

At any rate, this week Michael is trying to track down information on some shady folk who’ve planted a bug in his mom’s house. Unfortunately, they are elusive, and willing to burn tons of expensive surveillance equipment (and records, presumably) to keep Michael from getting his hands on it. Also unfortunately, his mother basically blackmails him into helping her friend before she’ll give him any information on the mysterious men who visited her house. Oh, and he has to bring Fiona (the ex) home for an uncomfortable dinner, too.

Michael meets with his mom’s friend, who has been taken in by an identity theft scam and beaten up in the process. Gullible old people make me really sad. Michael is very uncomfortable around her, which is pretty funny, but also telling. Sam (BRUCE CAMPBELL!) agrees to help Michael with the case, but only if he can crash at Michael’s place for a while. Fiona and Sam…don’t get along. They’ve got a bit of an ugly business history, it seems. Fiona, incidentally, is ditching the Irish accent for the time being, now that she’s staying in Miami. Works for me.

After a few hitches (distrustful con artists, interrupted bug-planting, exploding cars, FBI surveillance…), and with Sam and Fiona’s assistance, Michael is able to essentially steal back the old lady’s money, along with a bunch of other retirees’. And get the bad guy arrested. But possibly not for what he actually did. …Score one for justice? As an aside, Michael has some mad one-handed texting skillz (and I mean that literally, although the phrase has excellent euphemistic potential). Is that something they teach at spy academy?

Anyway, Michael’s mom reveals that the men who came to the house asked all about Michael, his habits, and his relationship with her. She told them she and Michael have a great relationship, which can’t really bode well for his mom, can it? And it’s apparently not even true, as if we didn’t know that already. They also gave her a phone number to call if he ever came to Miami or tried to contact her. Michael, of course, calls the number. There’s “a friend” on the other end of the line, and I kind of can’t wait to find out what he wants (aside from destroying Michael, I’d imagine). Yay, mystery men! This show rocks.