Friday, June 08, 2007

Pirate Master: Did You Hear About the Pirate Reality Show?

Yes, it was rated TV-PG. What about it?

The fact is, we didn't get introduced to anyone on Pirate Master last week except the captain, his officers, and the three people he put up for elimination, so as I'm watching the credits this week, I find myself confronted with these anonymous people that I know I've never heard from before. Nessa, Jupiter, Azmyth, Christa, Laurel, Kendra – who are these people? Did they just get here? I've just finished the second episode and these random people are still cropping up. The show is not doing a good job of introducing the entire cast. They're only showing you the people they can make story arcs for. But if you watch, say, Project Runway, you can pretty much identify every designer, even the uninteresting ones, by the end of the first episode. At least give us interviews so we can put names with the faces, please, Pirate Master. There's one silent blond girl who's still completely throwing me. (She exists, right? I mean, the rest of the crew can see her? She's not a pirate ghost?)

So this week is all about what a bad captain Joe Don is. He feasts on bacon and eggs while the crew gets gruel, he sits on his ass while the crew swabs the deck and raises anchor, he stands around while everyone else jumps into the snakepit and searches for the treasure, and he still gets half the treasure. Everybody's complaining. Nobody thinks it's fair. And yet – no one does anything about it. Not a single person votes to mutiny against the captain. Which is strange, because they just got done with a Pirate's Court in which the crew aired their grievances and frustrations with the captain, so you'd think that Joe Don would get at least one vote. Specifically, Louie's, since we hardly see Louie in this episode but he's interviewing about how the captain has to go. Do they all just like complaining or does Joe Don have some power of blackmail over the entire crew?

And as for the elimination – look, last week's elimination at least made some sense. John was a nutty, nutty compass kidnapper/exotic dancer. This week, the crew is presented with three nominees, all of whom are chosen for their perceived physical weaknesses. Kendra can't swim, Joy hurt her knee, and Christian is big but slow. So, with what seems like a tremendous lack of foresight, because they'll feel his absence swabbing the deck tomorrow, they send home Christian. Meanwhile, I am left with questions which will probably never be answered. Was it because Christian called for a mutiny? Why won't anyone vote for Joe Don? And how many other crew members are hiding in the rigging?