Monday, July 16, 2007

Age of Love: Good gravy!

Last week on Age of Love, Mary cried. For pretty much the entire episode. Like a big, collagen-stuffed baby. Tonight, it's down to six women, and apparently we've got a lot more making out to look forward to. We join Mark in the bachelor suite, where we are greeted by a quote projected on the coffee table: "You're only as old as you let your heart make you." - Anonymous. Which gets exactly one hit if you google it, by the way. Not that I'd accuse NBC of practically making up cheesy, "Age is but a number"-type quotes, or anything.

Host Mark lets Mark know that Mark will be taking the women to do his favorite things over the next few days. First up: He picks Megan, Maria, and Mary to go surfing with him, because there's nothing he loves more than an alliterative foursome. They meet Mark outside, where he shows them his awesome woody. The car, guys, the car. Geez. Although Mark and the girls also have some fun with the word "woody." Because, really, how couldn't you?

The surfing doesn't go so well, although Maria manages to stay up on the board for about a second. Which is actually kind of an achievement. Megan gets popped in the head by her surfboard a few times, and although you can't hear it over the waves, I picture it sounding like knocking two hollow cartoon coconuts together. Meanwhile, back at the Apartment of Desperate Loneliness, stalker Amanda tries to distract herself from the thought of the object of her obsession being out on a date with three other women. Women whose names wouldn't force Mark to get all his towels re-monogrammed, in the event of their marriage. Jen and Jayanna, in the meantime, make fun of Amanda's mentally unbalanced ways.

After surfing, Mark and the M Squad have a picnic on the beach, and the girls all laugh uncomfortably loudly at his dumb joke about sand in his swimsuit. Mark invites Megan to go on a walk and they really hit it off, while Mary whines and Maria consoles her. But then- awkwardness! Betrayal! Potential crybabyness! Mary decides to join them on their romantic walk, all "Hey, guys! Just happened to be walkin' down this stretch of beach!" Weird. Maria sticks with her strategy of playing hard-to-get (the opposite of the Amanda Approach) while Mary uncomfortably plays third wheel, like she couldn'tve seen that coming.

Back at the apartment, everyone's jealous of Megan--especially Amanda. But Mark quickly texts over that he wants to see her and Jayanna next. Amanda isn't happy to be sharing her time. Jayanna isn't worried, though. Um, word to the wise, Jayanna: You may not be worried about the competition from Amanda, but you should probably be careful lest she stab you in the back. Literally. Chick is cuh-razy. And ready and willing to cut anyone who comes between her and Mark.

Their date is a movie night, and Mark asks Jayanna to share a drink with him outside first. Amanda sits in the shadows, plotting. Jayanna and Mark talk about relationships, and I have to point out--she looks HOT. Seriously. Not hot for 39, but just hot. And not creepy hot, like some of the other women. Do you guys think she's had work done? She looks almost too good not to have, but if so, it's really quality. Like, "I want the name of her doctor just in case I don't age well" quality.

Aaanyway, after their drink, Mark and Jayanna rejoin Amanda, and the three of them snuggle up to watch the movie. I say "snuggle up," because instead of the normal chairs or a couch, NBC has chosen to make the three of them watch the movie lying on down, with Mark in the middle. I don't want to know what's going on under those blankets, yo. According to Jayanna, Mark was paying the most attention to her because he was turned in her direction. According to Amanda, he likes her the best because they were holding hands the whole time. Mark walks Jayanna down to the car, they kiss a couple times, and he heads back up for some solo time with Amanda. He and the Stalker lie down under the blankets and discuss whether or not they talk in their sleep. Amanda, upon learning that he sleeps with his dog, plots Kia's untimely demise. She and Mark make out as the camera zooms in to an uncomfortable degree, and she interviews, yet again, that she loooves him. Mark says something about how seeing Amanda's boobs makes him smile.

The next day, Jen's feeling a bit left out. Not to worry, Jen! You're going to get the best date of all! Hint: It involves black leather. Mary spends some time crying while Jen gets ready to ride Mark's crotch rocket, because she wants a coo-oo-oo-ool rider. She and Mark speed off into the hills, and park at a scenic overlook. As they look into the murky stew of pollution that is Los Angeles (seriously--never look at that city from above), Mark and Jen share a romantic moment, and Mark hopes she'll be an easy rider. (Okay, okay, that was the last motorcycle joke...promise!) Back at the apartment, the twenties moan about missing out on the date. Megan, like a little kid hoping Christmas will come faster, suggests that they all go to sleep so that the date will be over sooner. In a scene that would reduce Mary to weeping and Amanda to murder, Mark and Jen play some serious tonsil hockey. It actually squicks me out a little, although that may not be the age thing so much as the sucking sound effects and Mark's "very soft lips" comment. Urgh.

Mary, however, is doing a perfectly good job of weeping on her own, this time about how she and Mark aren't connecting. Megan's response in an interview: "Good gravy!" Well, I think I know my favorite 20something (as if that wasn't already decided by process of elimination). "Good gravy" is now my new favorite expression. Awesome. Mary whines some about how she doesn't want to stick it out if she's not happy. Jen, in the process of "showing Mark what a 48-year-old is all about," makes out with him while beating him at flirty pool. He feels really comfortable with her, until she asks him where else those lips have been. If you have to ask, Jen, you probably don't want to know the answer. She returns to the house and somewhat meanly and obviously gloats about her fabulous date to the kittens (whatever, they deserve it). Amanda can barely contain her rage. Mary can barely contain her sobbing. Megan is bummed to a far more reasonable degree.

And it's elimination time already! Maria once again claims she'll quit, but the women are onto her empty promises. Mary also intimates that she doesn't know if her overused tear ducts can handle any more of this emotional turmoil. We're back up on the rooftop, and Amanda's dress can barely contain her silicon-filled funbags. (Crazybags? Stalkerbags? Could-be-used-to-suffocate-the-competitionbags?) Mark tells Jen that he had a great time with her, and asks her to stay. He says the same to Megan, as well as Jayanna (yay!). Amanda, who actually looks older than Jayanna with all the makeup she has caked on, watches on tensely. She's up next, and right as Mark is trying to ask her to stay, tearfully tells him about her frighteningly strong feelings for him. I'd tell you to run away fast, Mark, but I know you have a bum knee. Hobble away, dude, hobble away! He asks her to stay, leaving Maria and Mary, the almost-quitters, as the last two women standing.

Maria gives Mary a nice pep talk about carrying on in her absence before stepping up and, once again, failing to quit. Ha! He asks her to stay, and the women smile through their disappointment. Mary, of course, is out. Shockingly enough, she manages to get through her talk with him without crying, and actually gives a great little speech. There is, naturally, much sobbing both when she gets the group hug and in her final interview. Fair enough, Age of Love, although I'd hoped for something a bit more interesting involving Amanda being booted, going crazy, and shoving the remaining women off the roof. Ah, well. There's always next week!


Bob said...

I think you pointed out Amanda’s stalker-like qualities a week before the show did.

I hear that ratings are dwindling. My solution: your commentary running live at the bottom of the screen. Great job!

Anonymous said...

LOVE the commentary! Soo darned funny -- makes me feel less guilty about watching this show.

Seriously, though, Jayanna is MEAN! I really liker her before, but she's turning out to be horrible. And wondering about plastic surgery? Go to the NBC website and look at the picture of her in her 20's. Looks like a totally different person.

So glad Mary the crier is gone. Maria is a nutcase -- if you can't see that coming, you're completely clueless.

Amanda is whiny and annoying.

Are any of them reasonable? Jen maybe?

Liz said...

Thanks so much, guys!

I dunno, anonymous. Jayanna does seem a bit harsh, but if I were cooped up with those 20somethings, I think I'd be even meaner, so I sympathize. Really, she's mostly just saying what I'm thinking. So I'm still going to stick with her as my favorite, sorry! Interesting point about her pictures...she does look different, doesn't she?