Hey Paula: Straight-up boring

Another crazy week for Paula…and I’m not sure she means “crazy” in the same way that I mean “crazy.” First up, an In Defense of Animals event that Paula’s hosting. Now, keeping in mind that this is an animal rights event, here’s what Paula has to say when they’re running late but she wants to stop to eat: “We haven’t eaten anything, and, uh, [shifty eyes] I could probably eat a dog.” I’m going to assume she meant that to be extra-inappropriate, but I’d run, run, run if I were one of her basketball-shaped Chihuahuas, just in case.

Animals, apparently, are very important to her. And according to Paula, “you have to make time in your schedule.” Cut to Paula trying to find a Panda Express when she’s already really late for the event. Oh, the editors are not kind to Paula. Let me guess: They’ve already used exhaustion, so this week the excuse for Paula being crazy is hunger. On the way to this event, benefiting an animal rights organization (again, I feel the need to point this out), Paula suggests stopping at several fast food places that are definitely not animal-friendly. And you might say, “But Liz, this event is to benefit stray former companion animals in New Orleans, not chickens!” And to that I would reply, chick suggested eating a dog not five minutes ago, so no animal is safe from her ravenous insanity! Although not at the IDA event, since all the food is plant-based, much to Paula’s dismay. (Seriously, though, she’s pretty great with the animals, and god knows it’s not the most popular cause, so good on you, Paula.)

And now, at a staff/Paula meeting the next morning, we’re back to the exhaustion theme. I have to say, I feel like 99% of this series so far is “Paula’s tired, Paula’s hungry, Paula’s overscheduled, Paula’s running late, Paula’s begging people who make far less than she does for cash…” And does that sound like an interesting show to you? Because it’s really, really not. At all. It’s actually making me a little tired. And I don’t have any uppers to pick me back up, unlike some people. CoughPaulacough.

Paula’s off to QVC, and complaining about her assistants. Because assistants messing up is another thing that can be added to the long, looong list of things that make Paula crazy. On QVC, Paula comes across as extremely loopy. You know, some people just aren’t made for live television. Or are made for live television, depending on how you look at it. In between her early morning and late-night shows selling her jewelry line, Paula decides to shop at the QVC store rather than nap. Even though she’s supposedly ridiculously tired.

And…manufactured drama! Will Paula have enough of her jewelry line left over to bring back as gifts for the male American Idol contestants? Does anyone in the entire world care, including the contestants? No. No one cares except Paula, including the merchandising representative she chews out. But we’ve got a few minutes of drama about it anyway. This show is the freaking stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. And I recap Age of Love, guys. AGE OF LOVE.

Now Paula is supposedly feeling sick, but they have to drive up to New York from Philly so she can do Letterman. But no! There’s a blizzard! Can’t drive, no flights! PANIC! She’s exhausted, she’s angry, and I really couldn’t care less. Which is lucky, since my DVR cut out the last minute or two of the episode. If something monumental happened, feel free to fill me in. Somehow, though, I doubt it.