Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Boston Legal: What?! He has a wide stance!

Hey, remember that show? Takes place Boston? With lawyers? And the Shat? Well, it was finally back on tonight after an absence of several weeks. Minus side: Hello, we've been without Denny Crane for weeks! Plus side: They've got enough new episodes stored up now to last a month longer than most scripted shows. We'll be verrry thankful for Boston Legal when it's all Big Brother: Cobbled-Together Winter Edition and Lame Gameshow Idea #427. Trust me. Anyway, Boston Legal was back tonight, with a main plot ripped from the airport bathroom stalls.

Denny Crane vs. the Wide Stance: Denny, much to his dismay, gets busted in a courtroom bathroom for soliciting gay sex from an undercover officer. Apparently, trying to relieve oneself while constipated and soliciting gay bathroom sex share many of the same signals. Though I didn't notice any waving of fingers under the stall divider, Denny certainly did have a wide stance. At any rate, Denny insists upon fighting it out in court rather than quietly pleading guilty to a lesser charge, putting a lot of pressure on Alan to win the case. (And Paul Lewiston is back for the week! With a beard!) The assistant DA is played by Steven Culp, making me miss Rex on Desperate Housewives all the more. Despite a terrible turn on the stand in his own defense in which his "sleepovers" with Alan are brought up, Denny gets off with Alan's help (I can't even pretend there was no pun intended there). Which is just as well--the irony of his being brought down for gay solicitation after getting off scott free for actually soliciting a prostitute would be too much for even me to bear. And can I just point out that I really, really want the phrase "getting Larry Craig-ed" to make its way into our lexicon?

Free Speech vs. Old People: Robert Wuhl, a local shock jock and old friend of Shirley's, has been fired for saying on his radio show that old people should die. Thus leading to a big trial about free speech, political commentary, freedom of the press, etc. This case is largely notable for the fact that Bethany is back, baby, and feistier than ever. She and the judge, played by Loretta Devine (the Chief's wife on Grey's Anatomy), get into a bit of a fight when the judge makes fun of her size, and she gets thrown into jail for contempt for calling the judge fat. Whoops. Shirley visits her to clear the air between them, telling Bethany that things are tense between them because she's able to push Shirley's buttons. Bethany: "Is it because I was with Denny, and you still love him?" Shirley: "It could be many things, but...not that." HA! I love Bethany. Here's hoping she stays back.

Katie vs. "Lorraine": Wow, I did NOT see this plot coming. After her suspicions were ignited when Lorraine suggested that Denny "call 999" in case of emergency, Katie realizes that Lorraine looks familiar to her (and also like a criminal), and asks if she's spent time in England. Lorraine denies it, but Whitney and Katie discover that "Lorraine" didn't exist prior to law school. When confronted, Lorraine claims to be on the run from a murderous Pakistani husband whom she cheated on in London, where she's from. Say WHAT?! She begs them not to reveal her secret, as it could jeopardize her life, but Whitney's just pissed that Lorraine's putting them all at risk what with the fatwa and everything. Um, bananas. And we all know that Alan's only going to find her hotter when he discovers that she's got a British accent, plus whatever secret identity she's really hiding.

The Balcony: Alan and Denny discuss what life would be like if people thought they were gay, while sucking on phalluses (of the cigar variety), and look forward to their afterlives as soulmates in Hell. An interesting pair, those two...