The Amazing Race: It's Raining Men, Still

It's the finale! Three teams remain! One will win! Two are losers! Losers! Phil, in summarizing the remaining teams, tells some lies (Eric and Danielle's "growing respect for each other") and some euphemisms (Charla and Mirna's "brash tenacity," which, when you translate it out of Really Nice, means "annoying people until they get their way"). When it comes to Dustin and Kandice, he talks about their "prowess," which I only mention because it sounds real hot in a Kiwi accent. Sigh. The teams are sent off to Hawaii, which, by now, is the required last stop for every other eastbound race. And here we get another demonstration of the Charla and Mirna Paradox: laser-focused in airports, and discombobulated on the ground. Although they are able to wangle themselves the earlier flight to Honolulu, the other teams catch up to them in a run along the beach and pass them because of their completely sucktastic kayaking skills. Seriously, Dustin and Kandice get out of their kayak and capsize and they still beat Charla and Mirna. The Paradox: how they got this far, and why they were never, ever going to win.

The final city is San Francisco, and the test at the end this time is about how well the teams know each other. One person sets the combination to a safe based on their responses to a quiz about the other teams; the partner then tries to unlock that safe by guessing the answers. And which is the only team to finish within ten minutes? Eric and Danielle. And when you consider that much of the challenge hinges on how much you've complained about the other teams, it starts to make sense. Whatever the reason, their success with the task is what gets them across the finish line first. And because Rob does not body-check them out of the way, shrieking "Nooooo!" as he hurls himself at the mat, Eric and Danielle are the unimpeded winners. Dustin and Kandice come in second, and the cousins must settle for third. Eric shares the good news with his erstwhile partner Jeremy (no love for Dani?), who seems to think that he, too, is rich (beeyotch), even though he's not the one who was asked to come back. And since Jeremy kind of screwed Eric on the flag thing, I'd say Eric doesn't owe him a dime.

So, only one guy in the final three teams, and his is the one that wins. Damn, an all-female team is never going to win, is it? I mean, unless they do an all-female Amazing Race, and while that could be really cool, I'd hate for that to be what we have to do to get two women across the finish line.