Thursday, May 17, 2007

House: Christ, What an Asshole.

So as you may have noticed, Lori has been picking up the slack lately due to my inability to get home from work in time to watch TV (or eat dinner or do anything but collapse exhaustedly into bed, for that matter). Yes, ladies and gentleman, I have been almost entirely without television for the past week and a half. My DVR is now 87% full, and giving me an angry warning every time I try to set it to record something new. Not. Cool. That said, last night I began my mission to get caught up, and I am now fully apprised of the goings-on at the most killingest (most painful testingest?) hospital in New Jersey.

Last week, there was a vegan! And it was that chick from Coyote Ugly! And House totally looooves her! Of course, that's probably not interesting to the non-vegan world, so I'll move on to this week.

Foreman and House are still having a lovers' quarrel, because Foreman is too chicken to tell House he still has more to learn, and House is too passive aggressive to tell Foreman that he'd like him to stay. Or something. Cuddy tries to double Foreman's salary and make him independent from House in an attempt to keep him there, but he turns her down because he'd still have to go to House for help. Or something. Basically, everyone's acting crazy. Possibly due to the fact that House secretly sabotaged Foreman's big job interview in some sort of giant, back-stabbing, paranoia-creating love letter. 'Cause that's how they roll in Jersey.

Meanwhile, their patient is the second-biggest asshole to ever enter the doors of the Princeton Plains Teaching Hospital. He's a teenage chess-playing genius, and everyone's sure he's got some sort of evil asshole-creating disease (or alternatively, some sort of evil, asshole-creating disease). His mom, who not-so-secretly wanted him to die a horrible death (he's that much of an asshole), is relieved to hear that he might be sick, and not just a terrible person.

Uuuunfortunately, it turns out that he's just got some sort of iron over-production issue that went crazy when he stopped being a vegetarian (coughkarmacough), curable through some good old-fashioned bloodletting. However, while being an enormous jerk may not have been a symptom of his disease, it will likely still end up being the cause of his death. And pummeling may be a worse way to go than liver and kidney failure.