Ugly Betty: It Ain't Over 'Til the Cute Kid Sings

I am telling you, this show is Broadway-crazy. They make the Sondheim title-poaching Desperate Housewives staff look like dilettantes. There are musicals all over this episode, from the guest appearance of Kristin Chenoweth as the world's perkiest hygienist to Justin's starring appearance in West Side Story, and I'm pleased to say that Mark Indelicato is really quite a good singer. So when he sings "Something's Coming" over the final montage, it's rather sweet. I mean the singing, not the stuff that it's over. And another cast member gets to sing in this episode: Vanessa Williams performs "The Way We Were" over a touching montage of Marc and Wilhelmina moments. So how long do you suppose it'll be until they actually do a musical episode? Half a season?

Ah, but you probably want to know what actually happens, since it's the season finale and all. Here we go: Wilhelmina briefly trades Marc to Fabia in exchange for a cathedral booking for her wedding, but decides she can't do without her minion. A good thing, too, because Fabia tests her products on Marc, and I can't support that kind of cruelty to Marc. Claire breaks out of prison, because she's finally found a posse of bad girls just like her. Christina and Amanda get locked in Fey's love dungeon, and discover a birth certificate that says that Fey is Amanda's mom. What about her dad, though? I mean, it couldn't be Bradford. Not with the thing she and Daniel have going on. …Right? Speaking of Daniel, he has a bit of a breakdown and takes a bunch of pills and booze. But as Alexis is taking him for help along a dark, twisty road, she discovers that the brake line has been cut. It's her own fault for taking that twisty road, and for hiring that guy to take out her dad without warning her not to use her dad's car. Henry's finally broken up with Charlie, and he and Betty make plans for their first date, which Charlie ruins. Because she's pregnant. Henry, being the good guy we love, goes back to Tucson with her, but Betty and Kristin Chenoweth figure out that Charlie's been secretly dating Dr. Farkus – remember him? – and that the kid may be his. Hey, as long as it gets Henry back for next season. But please, please, no more of those longing looks. And finally, Santos is killed in a convenience store robbery. I was always perfectly ambivalent about Santos, but Ana Ortiz sells the hell out of the final scene, and yeah, I was crying. Damn you, Ugly Betty, for having to end on such a sad, sad note. I didn't even care about Santos!