Armed and Famous: Don't Tell Tito!

So I watched Armed and Famous last night, the show where allegedly famous people are sent to join the Muncie, Indiana police force. (Hey. I did it for you. Because I am committed to covering television.) At its core, it's nothing more than Cops with celebrities. The most surprising thing about it is that someone didn't have this idea earlier, because there are certain things about law enforcement that are naturally more entertaining with famous people. Take what I'm sure is the real reason why the show is located in Indiana: tasering. Under Indiana law, you can only carry a taser if you've been tasered yourself, which means that all of our "stars" have to get shocked. Haven't you ever wanted to see Erik Estrada get what's coming to him? Well, if you watched this show, you did. Hey, Erik, were you on a cop show? Did you play some guy named Ponch? Because it's been at least three minutes since the last time you told us. Clearly haven't been doing anything since then, have you?

Probably the best part of the entire show, and the only reason to watch, would be La Toya Jackson, who is just precious. She's been sheltered her entire life, to the point of never having done laundry, has never used a coin slot (she keeps trying to feed a dollar bill into it), and is used to eating at restaurants with tablecloths and finger bowls (so of course they take her to Texas Roadhouse, the place where you take peanuts out of a bucket and drop the shells on the floor). The producers were probably hoping to get some freakouts or moans of disgust at the horrible lifestyles of the lower middle class from La Toya, but she's just so game and excited about everything that you have to like her. She really wants to do it! And it's very sweet how she calls her brother Jackie and begs him not to tell Mom, lest she get worried. But then she has to go and undercut it all by also begging him not to tell Jermaine, Tito, or Michael, because those guys are the instant punchlines of the Jackson family. Admit it, you laughed right there. Tito is comedy gold.