Desperate Housewives: Suburb of the Dolls

Some TV shows lend themselves well to dolls and action figures. These would be the cult/sci-fi shows like Buffy, The X-Files, and Futurama, as well as any kids' show from the '80s or '90s. If you're in your twenties, dollars to donuts you had either My Little Pony dolls or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures. (And, if you're Liz, you had a cheesy TMNT video in which the Turtles sing about pizza.) All of these toys are fun, of course, even now, when they can be used as cubicle decoration and stress relief (pretend Zoidberg is your boss and crash the Planet Express ship into him!). But I don't see what the inherent fun is in the Desperate Housewives dolls that were recently unveiled. For one thing, they're Barbie-type dolls, but I can't see many little girls playing with them, unless it's to perfect their Mary Alice-style trite narration skills. For another, they're kind of creepy-looking. The Susan doll is particularly so, because, breaking the rule of pretty much every doll/action figure based on a real person, it really does look like Teri Hatcher. Of course, Teri Hatcher looks like a Barbie doll her own self, so that's probably why.

But of all the current TV shows, it's obviously Heroes that would make the best toys. Think of it: a Hiro action figure. He'd go "Yahoo!" when you pressed a button on his back, and if you dunked him in cold water, a little soul patch would appear and he'd be Future Hiro. That'd be sweet.