Monday, April 02, 2007

Save the Cheerleader, Save the Crappy Straight-to-Video Movie!

Before she was a cheerleader, Hayden Panettiere was...a cheerleader. Only instead of super healing powers, she had super cheer-krumping powers. Yes, Hayden starred in the latest installment in the Bring it On series: Bring it On: All or Nothing, a 2006 straight-to-video gem which I had the pleasure of catching on ABC Family this weekend.

Hayden plays Britney, a high school cheerleader of the Clueless type, who moves from Beverly Hills to Crenshaw, where she attends "Crenshaw Heights," a predominantly African American school. There, she joins the cheerleading squad (despite an oath never to cheer again) and butts heads with the captain, played by Beyonce's little sister.

Highlights include a scene in which Britney brilliantly incorporates krumping into a cheerleading routine, more OMG's and IDTK's than you can shake a spirit stick at, and a cheer-off at the end between Britney's old and new squads, which requires multiple suspensions of disbelief.

Lessons learned: Hayden Panettieri can dance, can manage to not look totally ridiculous in a part as stupid as this one (aside from the krumping scene...she's not a miracle worker, people), and thus deserves our respect.'t tell your new cheer squad that you're missing a big game because you have to go to your dog's funeral when you're really going to homecoming with your quarterback boyfriend, because that'll come back and bite you in the ass.

Money quote (thanks, IMDB!):
Camille: We're gonna use these steps ya'll came up with for the competition.
Britney: Wait a minute. I've told you since day one, add krumping, and you've just...
Camille: Are you done yet?
Jesse: [Grabs Britney and covers her mouth] Yes she is.
Camille: Good. Now get ya lil white ass over here and show me the steps.
Kirresha: What's the matter with her?
Leti: I think it's caffeine withdrawal. Coffee's like crack to white people.

Yeah, did I mention that the movie might actually perpetuate racial stereotypes while purporting to shatter them? Let's all just be grateful that Hayden has moved on to bigger and less racist things.


Lori said...

An oath never to cheer again? What could possibly -- no, you know what, never mind. I don't really care enough to find out.

Liz said...

Um, DUH, because that would make her a "cheer whore." Like, OMG!