Ugly Betty: There's a Party in the Love Dungeon, and I Don't Want to be Invited

This week: everyone wants to find Fey's love dungeon. (This show, sometimes: so far over the top that the top is a dot to them.) Alexis wants to find it to locate Fey's most recent diaries, to fulfill everyone's hopes and free Claire. Because she hasn't done it yet, the lazy slattern. Free Claire! Wilhelmina wants to find it to get some clue as to how best to seduce Bradford. The answer: feet. Man, I knew that Wilhelmina trying to seduce Bradford would be awful, but I never anticipated foot seduction. Blurg. And Amanda – well, she just wants to show up Deputy Leo, who's been run out of Neptune by Keith and has now taken a job as Alexis' assistant. None of them finds the love dungeon, but we do. Oh, goody. You know, I really wanted to be the one to find it. Perhaps we can have more foot seduction, too.

Yeah, so you remember how Constance the Crazy Case Worker was crazy? Girl still crazy, and after a bout of normalcy – the eye of the crazy storm, if you will – kidnaps Papa Suarez and threatens to marry him. Oh, and also, she was totally fired two months ago for being crazy. So Hilda warns Papa, he tries to escape, but Constance steals his cell and forces him into a hideous powder-blue tux, and everything builds up to a big crazy head – until we discover Why Constance is Crazy. Yes, break out the tinkly piano music, because poor Constance gets forgotten by her charges as soon as they become citizens, and just once she wants someone to remember her. Oh, come on. All these weeks of crazitude and they slap a sad little bow on it and expect us to go "aww"? I hate it when this show goes all Full House on us.

In things that are actually sad: Betty and Daniel break up! Daniel's tired of being taken care of by Betty, and he tells her, despite all evidence, ever, to the contrary, that her job ends when she leaves the office. So when he calls looking for help with the statutory rape and blackmail he just got himself into (…yeah), Betty won't talk to him and Daniel is left to give himself an internal uh-oh five. Oh, she'll just go back to him right away. They have the second best relationship on the show - after Marc and Amanda but before Marc and Wilhelmina - and it would be tragic to lose it.