Tuesday, April 24, 2007

America's Next Top Model: Brittany needs this like she needs a(nother) hole in the head.

One of these days, I'm gonna make it home from work by 8 on a Wednesday. One of these days. So last week on Top Model, Tyra Banks proved once again that she is not afraid to look completely effing ridiculous to get a couple laughs or surprise the girls. In this instance, the girls are met by Tyra hopping around in a giant kangaroo outfit (as furries all over the world rewind their Tivos over and over again), joined by an actual kangaroo who hops around gamely but confusedly. Yes, the girls are headed to Australia, land of vegemite and hot accents. Also lots of snakes (mostly venomous), which I hope will prove entertaining later this cycle.

Upon their arrival, the girls have to memorize Aussie slang terms, which they will use while dazzling the locals with their fabulous interviewing skills (taught by April from Cycle 2 before they left the states). Brittany is worried because after an accident a few years ago (and the resulting eight staples in her head), her short term memory is only slightly better than the guy from Memento's. Don't worry, Brittany! Carson Daly does a perfectly mediocre job interviewing people, and just think how many times he must've been dropped on his head as a child!

After the interviewing challenge, which Natasha inexplicably manages to win, the girls meet Orange Jay out in a park to shoot the fabled Covergirl commercial (the Waterloo of many a promising Top Model contestant in the past). Oh, and they'll be reading their lines with Aussie accents. HA! It's no Catalan, but still... Natasha is rightfully worried, as is poor half-wit Brittany.

The filming is just as hilarious as you would expect. Renee does a fine job with her lines, but her accent is insanely over-the-top, and she appears to be wearing an absurd cravat of some sort. Which isn't really her fault, but still works against her. Dionne is pretty blah, but Jael is ridiculous, like a depressed model who took uppers and is now a caricature of herself. Jaslene struggles with her lines, but ends up pulling it out, and Brittany (predictably) can't get through the lines at all. Natasha is overly serious (it's a Covergirl commercial, dude, not a PSA about herpes), but gets the job done.

The end result is amazing. Worst. Accents. Ever. I'm laughing as hard as I can only imagine people who speak Catalan did upon watching last cycle's commercial. It's so nice to finally be able to share their mirth. At judging, it becomes apparent that Renee thought she did way better than she actually did. Ah, the old "be an actress and a model" conundrum. It's felled many a good contestant before you, Renee. Brittany cries like crazy about her head wound, and the panel is all, "tough titty!" It's awesome. Tyra stretches the bounds of hyperbole by saying she almost thought she was looking at a real Covergirl commercial. Covergirl commercial actresses everywhere stick pins in their Tyra-shaped voodoo dolls.

Natasha, Renee, Jaslene, and Dionne are in. Do we even need to do the rest? So long, Jael! ...Okay, okay. According to Tyra, Brittany needs to be able to do a Covergirl ad successfully to be a Top Model, and Jael is absurd on film. Brittany stays, Jael is out, and TV is now 100% more sane.