24: Look Out, San Francisco, You're Next

As one of the few good Muslims on this show, Nadia was due to have her loyalty seriously questioned. I mean, come on, a few restrictions on her computer access? I get that at my work, and it's just because the execs don't want us to watch YouTube videos all day! So, to make up for Nadia's easy ride so far, the show this week accuses her of treason and tortures her. Which actually happens to everyone at CTU at some point, so it's not like it's totally due to racial profiling. And anyway, we all know she's innocent, because a) she's way too obvious, and b) Chloe reminded us that Nadia is still using Milo's login, which means that Milo is the real traitor. You know it has to be him. He disappeared for four seasons, and that facial hair is totally untrustworthy.

And if you're wondering what happened to Audrey, since The Nine got canceled and Kim Raver is now free – well, the official story is that Audrey is dead. Jack finds out this week that she "died" in a car accident in China, having figured out that the Chinese had captured him. You may sense some skepticism on my part. That's because Kim Raver is free, this is a very convenient story to be springing on us in the middle of the season, and IMDb does not agree that Audrey is dead, if you follow the link above. I suspect that Audrey is currently languishing in a Chinese prison, although what the Chinese want with her I couldn't guess. Jack does vow to track down the people responsible for "killing" Audrey, and I'd love to see that be the plot for season 7. Let's bring some mayhem and destruction overseas for once! Why should Los Angeles have all the fun?

Actually, San Francisco does get to join in this week (don't you feel lucky, Bay Areans?), because Jack nukes it. Just a little bit. See, when CTU (and Jack) invades the house where the guy piloting the drone with the nuke is hiding out, Jack takes over the controls. And I guess the Chinese didn't have any flight simulator games in their prison, because, while Jack does manage to keep the drone out of the city, he still biffs the landing a little bit. In the sense that the drone bursts into flames and leaks nuclear material. Which the Vice President decides is close enough to "another nuclear attack on our soil" that he orders a strike on the poor unnamed, unsuspecting Middle Eastern country whose only crime was letting Fayed and Assad be born there. He should really be ordering a nuclear strike on Jack, whose weak sauce flight simulator skillz let the radiation out in the first place. Besides, with his magical self-healing abilities, he'll barely feel it.

Oh, and Chloe is smooth like butter. Milo asks her to check Morris' breath, so she marches up and plants one on him, and then proceeds to tell him that she's checking his breath. Good old Chloe. After three and a half years, she still knows nothing about subterfuge or relationships.