The Amazing Race: The Great Phil Chase

News flash: the beauty queens are kind of dumb. You remember how, a couple of weeks ago, they blew right past a Detour clue and continued on their merry way without it? Do you think that such an experience might have convinced them that they need to pay attention? Yeah, it didn't, because they do the same thing this week, completely missing the backpacks they need to complete an avalanche locator task and find a clue. They are, in fact, so dumb that even Charla and Mirna call them dumb, which is kind of like the pot calling the kettle stupid. Mirna doesn't know what an avalanche is and Charla attempts to speak Spanish to residents of Mozambique, because you could take them to London and they'd still try to speak Spanish to the locals. Ladies! You're all idiots! There's no need to fight!

This week, the teams leave South America, finally, and fly to Maputo, Mozambique, where we get what is, without a doubt, the coolest Roadblock involving rats ever. The teams use rats that are specially trained to find land mines to locate hidden clues. The rats are cute, have adorable names like Tupac, Norman, and Xena, and, of course, they're smart. If you had any doubts about that last part, Charla and Mirna's rat takes her own sweet time finding the clue, as though she's trying to get them eliminated. You'll have to try harder next time, Twinkletoes, because they come in first this leg. To be (un)fair, it's because the stronger teams chose the longer Detour, and not because of any smart racing they might have done. And I think I might have to give Phil a tip for pointing out that this is the first time ever that they finished first. I mean, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way (because Phil, inexplicably, doesn't not like them), but the subtext I get from that is: they suck at racing. Incidentally, as I was afraid would happen last week, Mirna is indeed taking credit for knocking Rob and Amber out of the race. Girl, I can only assume that the race gods are keeping you in it so as to more thoroughly humiliate you when you do get eliminated, and on that day, I will do a little dance. No, a big dance. It'll be a big dance.

Meanwhile, Eric and Danielle have apparently gotten into some sort of rivalry with Bill and Joe, because while Bill and Joe are, as they call it, a "kinder, gentler Guido," they still get stressed and nutty about little things on the race, and that's what Eric and Danielle are responding to. Eric goes so far as to call the Guidos a couple of old women past their prime, and yet, they still smoked you in a foot race, didn't they? Perhaps it's because they're on a team of two and not one, Eric. And they're capable of having charming conversations about underwear with Teri and Ian. Not that it matters, I just wanted to mention it.

This leg is non-elimination, so Uchenna and Joyce are now marked for elimination, just like last season – come in first or get a half-hour penalty. But first? Greatest! Mat! Scene! EVER! Oswald and Danny, filthy from rolling around in charcoal, run up at Phil, threatening to give him hugs, and Phil? Takes off. What follows is this hilarious chase across the lawn that should be set to some appropriately zany music, with Oswald and Danny running with arms outstretched, and Phil taking evasive action, wheeling and careening across the lawn. Phil eventually avoids the hug, but it's still one of the most randomly awesome moments ever on the race. If there is any justice left on this race, and not just random luck, Oswald and Danny will win and take Phil out dancing.