Tyra Banks: Quasher of Dreams

The America's Next Top Model website has an application up for Cycle 9, and it looks like my dreams of becoming a supermodel by submitting to verbal abuse and humiliating challenges on national television may be over. Number 8 (of 27) on the list of eligibility requirements: "You must be at least five feet and seven inches (5'7") in height." Hmm. That puts me a solid five inches below minimum supermodel stature. And I'm not sure dressing in stripes and buying a Chihuahua would make up the difference.

Interestingly, there's no maximum weight requirement, even though anyone who's ever seen the show can tell you that if your body mass index is above the "starving" level, you're probably not gonna make the cut. I guess the network would rather weed out the healthy girls behind the scenes, rather than making painfully visible ribs an open requirement. Sure, they claim they're looking for "a variety of models including plus size models," but I'm not buying it. How many cycles has it been since we've had a real plus-size contestant? And no, Anchal doesn't count.

I suppose, though, it's generous of Tyra to publicly discriminate against us shorties (apparently "short," and even "of average height," do not fall under the "a variety of models" umbrella) and save us the trouble of filming an audition tape. But must my supermodel hopes and ambitions end so abruptly, in a tiny item buried in a legal document? WHY, Tyra? WHY?!?!

On the plus side, I guess this means I can have cake this afternoon.