Thursday, December 21, 2006

The 2006 Geiger Awards, Day 4

The Sydney Bristow Memorial Award for Best Improvised Weapon: Veronica, Veronica Mars. Only in Veronica’s irony-loving hands would a lame toy unicorn become a deadly weapon.

The Harsh Realm Memorial Award for Biggest Disappointment: 6 Degrees. This show, like so many dogs with fantastic pedigrees, turned out to be full of congenital defects.

“The Truth Is Out There” Award for Most Overexposed Tagline: Save the Cheerleader, Save the World, Heroes. The only useful thing Peter has done so far on Heroes is to save the cheerleader, thus saving us from hearing this tagline every five minutes.

The “Screw the Ratings” Golden Middle Finger Award: Bill Lawrence, Scrubs. By writing for the fans, and not for the Nielsens, Bill Lawrence has ushered in a new era of creativity on Scrubs. We have happily reaped the hilarious benefits.

The JAG Medal of Honor for "Who the Hell Watches that Show, Anyway?": NCIS. Raise your hand if you know anyone who watches this show. Yeah. Didn’t think so. And yet, it was the most-watched program last week. I blame the elderly.

The Al Gore Golden Beard for Most Improved Facial Hair: The men of CSI. About time, too. We were on the verge of organizing a grassroots campaign to send razors to the set of CSI, since a lack thereof was the only explanation for Grissom's scruff/beard and Nick's horrifying mustache.

The Herman’s Head Award for Gimmickiest Show Ever: Monk. Monk is blind! Monk goes to his college reunion! Monk is a garbage man! Monk meets his father! Monk has to coach a girls basketball team! What wacky situation will that crazy Monk get thrown in next? (Answer: He’ll be in black and white.)

Best TV News of the Year: Futurama is coming back! And hopefully it, unlike Family Guy, will be just as funny upon its return.

Hottest Dental Trend: Snaggleteeth. Joanie from America’s Next Top Model. Elliott Yamin from American Idol. These days, there’s no better predictor of almost-success on a reality show than a snaggletooth.

WTF, World?: CSI: Miami is the most popular show in the world, and David Caruso’s pact with Satan has finally paid off.


Colleen said...

*raises hand* My parents watch NCIS. Not as regularly as they watched jag tho.

Also, after watching dozens of futurama episodes on dvds owned by one of mikes roomates, i have to say that i realized what i missed and am glad its coming back. Also, id like to share, that in the internet realm and on audio chat while playing wow, i have changed my "hooray" from a long, drawn out cartman "Hoooo-ray" to a short enthusiastic "Hooray!!" like Zoidberg.

Lori said...

Excellent! Futurama claims another victim. Mwahaha.

vance said...

So I was stuck in a hotel jetlagged awake in the middle of the night in Hong Kong this week and nothing else was on (in English) except NCIS, so I finally watched an episode. And you know what?

It sucks as much as I thought it did. Holy cow it sucks. How does anybody watch it, let alone continually stay in the top 20? This furthers my theory that many people are complete idiots, or just too lazy to change the channel.

Liz said...

Old people, man. It's GOTTA be the old people.