24: This is Definitely Not Light Treason

Now, the burning question holding America riveted: who is Morris' sponsor? Is it Bart Simpson? Is it some guy who has some sort of weird hair, apparently? Is Morris okay to work? Is Chloe being too paranoid? The answers are no, yes, not really but he is anyway, and it looks that way. Anyone else confused? Morris does such a sharp U-turn from alcoholic with serious problems to the only sane one in his plot that I'm surprised he didn't get pulled over by the cops. Was this whole story just an excuse for The Simpsons to reciprocate Kiefer's guest appearance?

In the presidential murder plot, Carson the Assassin shows up, duct tapes Tom to a convenient pipe, and gets to work with his Highlighters of High Treason. As is usually the case when someone on TV is tied up, everyone else is all, "Where's Tom?" and they all act mildly concerned, but no one really cares enough to get up off his or her duff to try to find him. But Chad Lowe, for some reason, gets worried that everyone's concern about Tom will ruin the plan. I guess he doesn't watch much TV. Or maybe his mind is elsewhere, because he's the one recruited to kill the president. And since he can barely choke out the lie to the president about Tom's whereabouts and acts suspiciously nervous the whole time, Chad is officially the fourth worst presidential assassin ever, behind Squeaky Fromme, Sara Jane Moore, and that guy who tried to kill Andrew Jackson. Especially because he screws up – not only do they not blame it on Assad, but Assad looks like a hero because he pushed Palmer out of the way. Nice one, Chad.

Next week: Jack goes back to his first love – cutting off digits.