The Amazing Race: Welcome Back, Most of You

It's finally here! The new season of The Amazing Race! The all-stars! The other people who are supposed to make good TV! The Phil! Obviously, we've got eleven teams, and since we already know them, there's no point in introducing them. But it's been a few years, in some cases, since we've seen them. Some things are the same: the Guidos still clink their glasses in the credits, Mary still carps at Dave, everyone is still obsessed with catching Rob and Amber, with good reason, and Mirna is still overly familiar (she calls it "good") with the locals. Some things have changed: Jill and John Vito have broken up, Eric and Danielle have hooked up, Joyce's short hair is ludicrously cute, and Mary has decided that she can't be sweetness and light to everyone but her husband all the time, so she lies to the beauty queens about which flight to Quito is faster. In fairness to her, she has raced with them before, and is probably over them at this point. She's not over the Chos, though, who appear in the form of her "Missing: Cho Brothers" T-shirt. Nice throwback to the Phil shirt, Mary, although I wish they'd lent you that one. (Bushel of kiwis. Hee!)

What I was most excited for in this race was the interaction between these teams we've come to know, and in some cases love, but it's too early in the race for all the drama to happen. Instead, everybody's all nice and friendly with each other. Weak! But there are some friendships that seem to emerge from this first episode. Mary (of course) hits it off with Charla and Mirna, while Oswald and Danny appear to make friends with all the loud, self-important blondes (Mirna plus the beauty queens). And for that, I find myself very disappointed in the boys, who got off to such a good start with a crack about how they recognize Rob and Amber "from [their] own cable channel." Good point, guys, but don't say it too loud: you don't want any TV execs to hear you.

Speaking of the Couple Of Whom America Apparently Cannot Get Enough, they come in first. Plenty of teams fight for last place, but none so hard as Kevin and Drew. Really, more Drew. He has a terrible time on this leg: he can't run for crap, he takes a spill and hurts his shoulder, and then he decides to keep driving on a flat tire, over rough roads. The tire gets so bad that he's more or less driving on the rims, as though he's on a high-speed chase on the 405, and I start to fear for Kevin, the camera guy, and the sound guy. Despite all of Drew's best efforts, they're still in the race – instead, John Vito and Jill go home. And in case you think I'm kidding about Drew's efforts, check out the look on Drew's face at the mat, the one that clearly says, "Damn, Phil, don't phunk with my knees." Drew is not having fun anymore, poor guy.