Dear John C. McGinley,

I have something important to discuss with you, so let me put this in terms you're readily familiar with:

Listen, Supergirl. I know you know a good script when you see it, otherwise you wouldn't have ended up on Scrubs. And I know that you had to do some movies that you're not proud of, and that, frankly, we're even less proud of, before you hit it big. But now that you have a steady paycheck reading good material every week, why do you have to fall back on roles in crappy movies? And, Gloria, don't you even try to tell me that the movies you've got coming out are good ones. One of them is the sequel to Are We There Yet, which should have raised a red flag right there, and the other – well, I see how you could have gotten a favorable impression of it when you saw William H. Macy on the set, but re-he-heally, when you saw Tim Allen and John Travolta together, you should have run away, Jodie, oh, just run away! So why don't you stop being so easy that you say yes to every guy with a camera who comes around, there, Mary Sue? And give us our 12 dollars.

That is all. Thank you.