Desperate Housewives: Great Taste, Less Filling!

This week's Desperate Housewives was action-packed! And yet...not. Let's see:

Lynette has almost reached her breaking point with Tom's baby-momma, even going so far as to set her up with Carlos at Bree's wedding (yeah, I'll get to that one) in an attempt to distract Nora from making Lynette's life miserable. Gabby gets really angry and Lynette claims to be on the brink of flipping out, but...they make up and Gabby says that Lynette and Tom were built to last anything, even Nora.

Gabby and Carlos are at each other's throats while dividing their assets, and they realize that they have to try and be civil to each other if they're going to be parents. Gabby reaches out and invites Carlos to Bree's wedding reception after Carlos gives her his mama's pearls, but they quickly start fighting again once Gabby makes clear to Carlos that their relationship is permanently over. Xiao-Mei interrupts their fight by gushing amniotic fluid all over the dance floor (yeah, ew), and it's baby time! But...the embryos got switched, and it's not actually their baby. They don't have a baby. Yeah.

Susan fights with her feelings for Ian, who wussily pretends that she's a neurosurgeon when his comatose wife's parents run into he and Susan on their first date. She's feeling guilty about Mike, but Ian's really into her, and even stalks her at Bree's wedding reception, where they play dueling toasts with a "Go after love at all costs" vs. "Be cautious" theme. But...nothing actually happens between them, and everything's still up in the air.

Edie's hot nephew is in town, and he tries to get fresh with Susan's daughter while she tries to pretend he's not hot. They run into each other at Bree's wedding reception and sort of exchange barbs. But...they go their separate ways, never to be seen again in this episode.

And Bree's wedding! The girls try and gently convince her to not, you know, marry a cold-blooded wife-killer. She doesn't listen in the end, after Orson unconvincingly assures her at the altar that he's not a murderer. He just happens to thoroughly clean his house with bleach in stressful situations, like when his wife disappears without a trace. Then, the wedding reception is interrupted by police officers who want him to come downtown and identify a body they dug up. A body...missing all its teeth! But...it's not his wife, a fact confirmed by Roseanne's sister. BUT...he totally says something in French to the body (whom he calls "Monique") as they're leaving! Serial killer, much? So yeah, I guess something happened.