Project Runway: Can we get some champagne up in here?

Last week on Project Runway: I had to work late and missed the episode (BAH), but happily, no one was eliminated, and we'll have four designers in the finals at fashion week! And now, the much-anticipated reunion special! Who will be the next crazy drunken Vanessa? The next more-than-drunken Lupe? As Heidi would say, I'm on pins and needles...

Waaaaitaminute...they aren't all arriving separately and drinking immediately! They're just all sitting in chairs ready to discuss serious issues! What the- Is there no alcohol at the reunion taping?! DOES THIS MEAN THEY'RE ALL SOBER?!?! What the hell, Bravo?

Hmm...I'm not seeing any drastic appearance changes. Kayne has some scruff- nice try, buddy, you're still about as butch as a nine-year-old girl. Oh, and there's some random guy I don't recognize sitting in the back Bradley shaved his head and beard! He's...still pretty cute.

And we bring in the finalists. Uli and Jeffrey look pretty much the same. Michael gets the most applause. I guess he's as likeable to the contestants as he is to us. He also has some bling on his teeth that I don't remember from before. Laura is very pregnant, and looking like a hot momma in a bright red dress. She has really grown on me more than anyone else this season. And she gets the first fan question: Does Laura own a pair of jeans? Ha! As it happens, her "jeans" are riding pants and boots. That explains a little.

Oooh, here comes Keith! Alison is the only one who seems genuinely happy to see him. Keith says that his friends have been supportive. He's gonna need that support, since he's forced to relive his humiliation yet again as they show the film of Tim kicking him out.

So what did the designers think of Keith's dismissal? Robert and Jeffrey think it was fair, Alison was sad that he left 'cause they were close, and Kayne felt bad, but a contract's a contract. Keith, unsurprisingly, thinks it was unfair. He's pretty upset, which may explain the crazy barrage of lies and excuses that follow.

First, Keith says that he doesn't remember the "no books" thing being in the contract. The designers are all like "Um, yeah, it was there in giant letters." Then, he claims that the books were taken away from him when he got there, and then mysteriously returned to his room. A week later, he was dismissed. Tim jumps to the producers' defense, and says there's no way they would set Keith up like that. Keith seems...sort of unhinged and very unconvincing.

Heidi goes after Keith a little about leaving the set, and he rationally explains that when he said he was leaving, a producer pointed him toward the door. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "rationally explains?" I meant, "crazily claims." Uli and Heidi agree that there's no way that happened. Then, Keith mocks what Tim said in the original episode and tries to explain away his paranoid theories by saying "I'm not gonna just roll over like a puppy." Okay, Keith. Whatever you say. I'll just keep using soothing tones until you calm down and can be returned to your padded cell.

Lots of scandal, but not nearly enough drunkenness so far. I guess we'll have to rely on Vincent's usual craziness, or something. I mean, the Keith scandal is all well and good, but it's no Vanessa/Lupe. But Bravo attempts to placate me by showing a Tim Gunn montage. Nice try, Bravo, but I won't be placated! Especially not by a lame montage that's all about all the "big" words Tim uses. Um, yeah..."mitigate." That's a toughie! But we're all agreed on his awesome use of "caucus." He also gets a fan question: Does he design and make clothes himself? Surprisingly, he doesn't, although he does make other types of art.

The Laura montage consists solely of her calling things "seriously ugly." Robert is boring. And his thusly themed montage is boring, too. Bring on the drunk! Bring on the songs! Bring on the Tim Gunn impersonations! Alas, we get none of those things. Instead, we are treated to a "That turns me on" montage from Vincent. I try to change the channel, but the remote's too slippery from the blood pouring out of my ears. Damn you, producers, for bringing that into my life AGAIN. We also get a "Bradley is really random" montage. Yeah, he's a cutie.

And now, the long-awaited battle of Vincent vs. Tim. The Voice of Crazy vs. The Voice of Reason. I've been looking forward to this. It's a bit anticlimactic, though, and turns into Vincent vs. All the Other Designers. Laura thinks he's delusional. Word, Laura. Word. Shockingly, Vincent rationally explains his trashing of every other designer in the competition: "There's just a certain prerequisite that I think every designer owns." Oh, okay! Thanks for clearing that up, buddy! He tries to backtrack from calling everyone amateur by saying, "It takes a certain level to be at a certain level of design." Everyone must feel a lot better now.

The Kayne montage focuses on how fast he talks, and I must say, it's impressive. How did I not realize that he's like the Micro Machine guy? I'm guessing either because I'm a fast talker, or because the producers had to cut out a lot of it because it's a bit tough to follow. At any rate, it only makes me love him more, especially when he sheepishly acknowledges that he did trash Amanda for doing the same thing.

Just as I begin to wonder why Malan has been so quiet, he gets his time to shine. He's gotten lots of support, and says parents should support their gay children no matter what. Aww. He gets a fan question about his accent, which he says is derivative of living all over the world. Hmm...I'm not buying it. He gets a good evil laugh montage, though.

The designers generally agree that the most enjoyable challenge was the dog challenge, and the worst was the mom challenge. Heeere we go. As we relive the Jeffrey/Angela's mom footage, Angela looks very tense. Apparently, although time has passed, neither Jeffrey or Angela has changed their view of the incident. Jeffrey says he didn't mean to make Darlene cry, but felt like she was going to stab him in the back on the runway. Angela disagrees, although I'm not sure I do, thinking back. Still no need to be a dick, though. And the outfit really, really sucked.

Laura sensibly points out that Angela's mom took the outfit more personally than the other moms, who were ready to work with whatever they were given. Angela thinks this would be a great time to say that if she and Jeffrey had met under different circumstances, they could have been friends. This gets the awkward silence and then laughter it deserves.

And now, confirmation that Vincent was actually crazier than they portrayed him on the show! We see a clip of him totally FREAKING OUT about the producers doing his laundry wrong. For reals. Jumping around, swearing like crazy, yelling. The producer he's directing this vitriol toward kind of hilariously shrugs. And Michael and Kayne, hanging out on the roof, can hear Vincent yelling and swearing as he leaves the building. Ha!

And now...the fan favorite winner of $10,000: It's Michael! Well-deserved, I'd say, although I was secretly rooting for Alison. Michael Kors and Nina bring out the giant check, and then sit down and explain how they score the designers' outfits every challenge. Nothing new or surprising here. But then, the designers get to ask the judges questions! Alison, demand an explanation!

In probably my favorite moment of the reunion, Angela asks whether her "Jubilee Jumbles" story about summer camp in Paris, or whatever the hell it was (which was admittedly a terrible story), was what sunk her outfit in the dog challenge. Just to remind you how hilarious this question is, here's a picture of her outfit. Now, does that look like an outfit that got trashed because of its story, or like an outfit that got trashed because it makes its model look like a crazy circus prostitute? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Kayne asks if his (awesome) couture dress would have been better if it had been another color. Michael Kors answers that it's cool if over-the-top is Kayne's taste, but he needed to temper it more. Whatever, Michael. You're orange. Tim brings up Alison's elimination. Finally! She says she's moved on, but actually knew something was wrong when she saw the model walk down the runway in her paper dress. Don't give in, Alison! You were robbed! Laura asks whether the judges go with their gut reactions when they're deciding who's in and who's out. It sounds like they partly do. Whatever, judges, I want more crazy!

We see a funny clip of an alarm going off during judging, and also a clip of Jeffrey farting. That was really unnecessary. Interestingly, Marilinda almost passed out during judging on the last challenge. And yet continued on, Monique. Amanda, apparently, also had issues with feeling faint on the runway. This fuels my suspicion that models are so sickly from starving themselves that they can't exert any more energy than the amount required to walk the runway. I mean, you don't see any of the designers passing out during judging, and they're under a lot more pressure.

Wrapping up, America thinks that Vincent is a bigger drama queen/king than Jeffrey, Angela, or Keith. I don't see how anyone could think differently after the laundry clip. Predictions-wise, the every designer gets picked by at least a couple contestants. I'd say there was no clear favorite.

And we get bonus predictions from previous contestants! Jay thinks Michael Knight will win, because the gay white guy-->Asian immigrant-->Black guy progression is an obvious one. Chloe sort of agrees, calling Michael a "male black version of [herself]." Kara and Daniel V. pick Uli, while Daniel Franco picks Laura AND thinks she would be a great CEO. Okay, Daniel. Robert Plotkin picks Daniel Franco.

And that's all she wrote. Well...that was okaaay, Bravo, but more alcohol and better montages next time, okay?