America's Next Top Model: Project Top Model

Tonight on Project Runw- Oh, wait, I'm sorry. This is ANTM? Project Runway doesn't premiere until later tonight? I got a little confused what with the clothes designing and all...

The girls meet Benny Ninja (who not only keeps popping up in episodes, but is wearing a completely bizarre shirt with points sticking up out of his shoulders) at the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, where an Elite Model honcho gives them their challenge: to be a muse. (I, on the other hand, am amused. Rimshot!) They'll be paired with student designers who have to transform an awful discount store dress into something the model will wear on the runway, and which reflects the model's personality. Basically, the designers all come up with these crazy concepts ("Cleopatra," "ballerina"), and the models are all like, "Umm...yeeeeah...that cooould work." Heather, in particular, has a tough time relating to her partner.

The next day, after a full night of Bianca trashing Heather's abilities, the models head back to FIDM, where the Editor in Chief of Seventeen shows up to make things a little more competitive: the winner of this challenge will shoot a jewelry spread for Seventeen. Newly motivated, the models head over to check out their ugly, ugly dresses. Most of which, according to the models, do NOT reflect their personalities. Though to be fair, I'm not sure my personality would lay claim to any of those dresses, either. Maybe one or two. At any rate, less Project Runway and more...fifth grader with a sewing machine makes human-sized Barbie clothes.

The girls will be judged not only on their runway walk, but also on how much they inspired the design, based on a short speech they need to give about the dress. On the runway, Bianca totally rocks the speech, despite hating her dress. Heather? Not so much. And she's really upset about it. Jenah rocks the whole thing, and clearly loves her dress. Saleisha, however, wins the challenge, and picks Bianca and Lisa to share in her photo shoot bounty.

When they all get home, Heather gets upset at what she feels is the other girls picking on her after she's had a bad day. By taking the shower when she's called it. Or whatever. I'm not super-sympathetic, much as I love Heather. Incidentally: Saddest "My Life as a Covergirl" ever! Jaslene signs autographs at Wal-Mart. Wow, life as a model is sooo glamorous! Riiiight...

The next morning, the eco-bus drops the models off in the middle of the desert, where they are joined by Orange Jay after a brief panic. Tyra's totally trying to make Heather pass out again, you guys. Apparently, they will be posing as desperate models lost in the desert. So...not so much a stretch, in this case. Aside from the addition of a flaming car. Bianca wears Jay out with her fabulousness. Heather, still distracted by her failure the day before, manages to look lost, but not lost and desperate, I guess. Jay isn't pleased. Chantal works it out. Saleisha starts off slow but ends up doing well. Ambreal is too posed. Jenah is her naturally photogenic self. Lisa has trouble "working" her dress.

When they get back to the house, Heather expresses to the other girls her frustration with the situation in the house and her performance in the competition, and it's actually a reasonable, mature conversation, despite their differing viewpoints. This may be a first for Top Model. At panel, Tyra is interrupted during her judges and prizes speech by a Chinese dragon. (Or, as she puts it, "lion." Eh, I'm not one to argue with Tyra.) Like, Chinese New Year's style, with people inside. It "tells" her that they're going to China, and a bunch more dragons, plus guys with swords, run out! Wow. And it seems a bit cruel to tell them right before someone gets kicked off. But cruel is how Tyra rolls, yo.

The judges love Jenah's photo, especially her body language. Heather, aware of her impending doom, gives the them a cheery, "Hello!" Apparently, though, Heather's worst according to Tyra is still good enough for Twiggy's approval. But when she talks about her tough week, it prompts the patented Tyra Banks lecture on compartmentalizing. Saleisha's shot gets some praise, but everyone's a bit lukewarm, and Tyra encourages her to take more chances. Or expand her chance-taking window. Or whatever. Chantal rocked it hardcore, and the judges love her shot. Ambreal, less so. It's a nice shot, but her pose isn't flattering for her legs or the dress. Bianca's aggressive shot is a resounding success at panel, while Lisa gets praise for her face, but not her pose.

In deliberation, everyone gets at least some praise aside from Ambreal, who gets criticized for her poor posing and lack of "specialness," and Lisa, who gets slammed for her downward trajectory and her lack of "freshness." Uh-huh. Bianca, Jenah, Saleisha, Chantal, and Heather are all going to China. And joining them will be...Lisa, of course! Ambreal goes out on a positive note, though her portfolio tells a different tale. Chick just didn't take good pictures. Ah, well. This way she won't have to fly all the way to China only to be sent packing just when she was getting over jet lag.