Grey's Anatomy: Don't die on me, Grey's!

I'm just going to get this out of the way right now: tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy was to be continued. In two weeks. Now that's just plain mean, ABC, writers' strike or no. (Also mean? Airing a new episode Thanksgiving night. There was almost a fistfight between the Grey's fans and the football fans in my household. Thankfully, we were all so stuffed that it fizzled out pretty quickly.) So okay, tonight was chock full of drama, melodrama, a painfully cheesy death scene, and about a million plotlines. Put on your running shoes, because this is going to be an exhausting recap!

The Ambulance Crash: Our main cases this week came from the aftermath of a collision between two ambulances right outside the hospital, caused by one of the paramedics having an unexplained seizure while driving. Thus, they have to drill into her skull to figure out what's wrong (after she has another seizure on the operating table), but the equipment goes dead while Derek's probe is in her brain. Of course. As if this episode weren't dramatic enough already. I'd call it overkill, but we've only just begun...

Trapped Paramedics: Two paramedics are trapped in one of the crashed ambulances. The cherry on top of this drama sundae? One of them, whose wife is an X-Ray tech at the hospital, is crushed, and will bleed out as soon as they move him. As if THIS weren't bad enough already, his partner gives him a pep talk consisting almost entirely of incredibly cheesy, overused lines. He's all, "Talk to me, buddy. You're not dying on me, dammit! Remember the night you met your wife? And you used that cheesy song on her?" (Cue an "I Can See Clearly Now" singalong, with the "I think I can make it now/The pain is gone" line spoken with comical gravity by the Chief.)

The whole thing is a) Absurdly clichéd and cheesy, and b) Rather similar to the whole "pole through two people, one of whom will die once you remove it" episode. But way, way less emotionally affecting. Stop trying to make me cry, Shonda! Or at least, stop trying so blatantly. Blah, blah, he says goodbye to his wife, his partner is now also in danger, an emotionally-invested Meredith crawls into the rig to do what Addison would call "crazy MacGyver surgery," much yelling of "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY!" ensues.

Neo-Nazi: One of the other injured paramedics insists to Bailey that he have a male doctor. And by "male," he apparently means "white." Oof. Turns out he's got a giant swastika tattooed on his stomach, and "didn't want to offend" Bailey. And by "didn't want to offend," he apparently means "didn't want to give her cause to actively hurt, rather than help, him." He needs surgery, which George has to participate in because the supremacist won't consent without a white doctor in the operating room. I loved the little moment in which Bailey refuses to pass the surgery off to someone else, because it would make her like the white supremacist. Bailey rocks, y'all. Unfortunately, the surgery causes her to miss an important "state of the marriage" lunch with her husband (which seems like it's been a long time coming, from the hours we know she keeps), which leads to the line of the night: "S'posed to be having lunch with my husband, and I'm elbow-deep in Nazi gut." And wow, completely fair that she doesn't want to be called the "Nazi" anymore.

SETH GREEN!: SETH GREEN!!! He's a patient of Sloan's who's just had a neck tumor removed, resulting in a virtually exposed carotid artery. Which could burst at any minute. And eventually does, while he's flirting adorably with Lexie. Um, yeah, Lexie should totally date Seth Green if he lives, especially given the Alex/Ava situation...

Alex/Ava: Okay. So Ava's back, and wants to see what Alex does while he's at the hospital, refusing to let him blow her off. Good on ya, Ava. Seems totally necessary with this guy. That said, it's pretty awkward when she and Lexie meet, even though Lexie denies knowing Alex once Ava says they're involved. Which, okay. Ava? You aren't exactly "with" him, since he's basically done nothing but blow you off. And Lexie? I don't think you can agree with Seth Green that Alex is your "boyfriend," since he's pretty much made clear that that's not the case, and since you refused to talk to him even before the Ava thing. Dude's clearly a lone wolf, at least for now. Just sayin'. That said, I'm totally rooting for he and Ava. (Yeah, I'm a closet romantic. Shut up.)

Other thoughts:

• At this point, I seriously couldn't care less whether Meredith tells Derek that she hates his dating while they're breakup-sexing, or whether Derek dates Rose, the formerly-engaged (and full of relationship goals) surgical nurse. Seen it, tired of it, ready to move on.
• Wait, George and Izzie are still together? What, are they platonic lovers now? SIGH.
• Hitting on someone when they're trying to get your help on a major surgery is just not cool, Sloan. Leave Hahn alone until after she removes the nice father's chest bone.
• I loved Derek's exchange with George when he asked what the deal was with his and Izzie's relationship, and George totally called him on being clingy and missing Meredith. These are the moments that made this show great--not the moments that try and force tears out of me (which is like blood from a stone, at this point).

Overall, I applaud the return of second season-style action and the lack of focus on Gizzie, I frown upon the cheesy attempts at being tear-jerking, and I demand more Dr. Hahn. (Whom everyone in the world is clearly split on. I, for the record, come down as solidly pro-Hahn. In case you hadn't noticed.) I humbly request that we return to the clever Grey's Anatomy dialogue that we all know and love, and ditch the tired Private Practice dialogue that we all know and are disappointed in. Thanks, and Happy Thanksgiving! (I would totally win an apple pie bake-off against Izzie, by the way. And not just because Izzie is fictional. My pie today rocked.)