Sometimes on TV shows, you can predict what will happen almost every minute of the way, and yet still enjoy the spectacle. Tonight's episode of Desperate Housewives was one of those times. While I always enjoy being surprised, sometimes it's comforting when plots turn out to be just as scandalous as expected. And, of course, we got another taste of the Katherine/Adam mystery, which Marc Cherry is doling out in appealingly bite-sized pieces this season.Gabby, Carlos, and the Maybe-Dead Husband: Ah, Gabby and Carlos. So marvelous in their predictability. Carlos wants to go to the police and confess what happened to Victor, and Gabby doesn't (especially after it becomes clear that the police aren't buying the whole "he was on the boat alone" story (has she never seen CSI?), so Gabby doses Carlos with sleeping pills (of course) to prevent him from talking. This is all essentially a moot point once the police find Victor. ALIVE. (Of course.) And even though I knew that Victor was going to tell Gabby that he remembered everything, despite his supposed amnesia, his little speech to her about needing to "rest up to get [his] strength back" sent chills down my spine. That dude is totally an evil mastermind, mark my words. Or rather, he's a jealous husband, and Edie is an evil mastermind. Okay, okay, between their two minds, they can muster up mastermind status. And wow, can we discuss Gabby's terrible, terrible lying skills? How has she carried on two (semi-)successful affairs?!
Mike, Susan, and the Very Cute Drug Dealer: What could be more Susan than accidentally setting her daughter up with Mike's preppy drug dealer in an attempt to keep Julie away from a skeezy-looking (but probably straight-edge, knowing Julie's generally good judgment) boyfriend? And wow, this whole drug plot went through impressive levels of blackmail, even for this show! Let's count: Barrett trying to blackmail Mike into letting him see Julie, Mike blackmailing Adam into writing a prescription based on his not telling Katherine about Adam's visitor, Adam blackmailing Orson into writing Mike's prescription based on his delivering Danielle's baby... Impressive, that's all I'm sayin'. And all for naught, since Susan not only saw Mike taking pills again, but knows that Orson prescribed them. And I loved that little bit where Mike was all "Man, if some jerk hadn't run me down with his car, I never would've gotten hooked on these pills!" to Orson. Awk-ward! And also unintentional emotional blackmail to get Orson to continue writing the prescription, if you think about it...
Bree, Orson, and the Reformed Psychopath: This plot had several facets of awesomeness. First, we've got Bree going to Tom to try and solve her and Orson's, er, marital troubles. That's hilarious on a number of levels, and yet incredibly smart on a number of levels. Second, we've got a Bree Seduction Scene, which doesn't top the one where she surprised Rex at his motel, but is still pretty awesome. I mean, she surprises Orson at the office as a patient with "a cavity that needs filling." Quality stuff, that. Third, we had more Andrew than we've had in a long time! Oddly enough, he had a pretty sentimental story as he moves out into his own place (leaving Bree to her perfect little family of three), even thanking Bree for forcing him to grow up when she left him on the side of the road. So...he's not a psychopath anymore? What's going on here?! I mean, I'm happy for them and all, but...he used to be so interesting!
Lynette, Her Mom, and the Heretofore Barely-Mentioned Step-dad: Riiiight...I didn't care for this plot at ALL, so I'm going to be brief. A tearful reconciliation between Lynette, her mother, and her former step-father (played by Richard Chamberlain, who is gay in real life too, which is the only cool thing about this plot) gives us a convenient end to the "Where will my mother live?" guilt-fest. Whoop-de-do. This had better turn into something more interesting really fast, or I'm just going to start fast-forwarding through Lynette's scenes, great actress though Felicity Huffman is.
Adam, Mike, and the Mysterious Visitor: While Mike is visiting Adam, a certain Sylvia from Chicago comes a-knockin', much to Adam's dismay. Hmmm. So what do we learn? She apparently ruined his life in Chicago. According to Adam, she's an ex-patient with mental problems whose presence in Wisteria Lane would best be hidden from Katherine (good luck with that). According to Sylvia, if she and Adam had told the truth, "none of it" would have happened. She reads a little crazy, but I'm assuming she's more than your basic stalker. This could get very interesting, very fast! And yay for Nathan Fillion actually getting something to do!