Desperate Housewives: Never fear, Frankenstein is here!

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, our theme was holiday-appropriate: Fear. And the events were sweeps-appropriate: Danielle finally had her baby (or demon child, or whatever), Gabby and Carlos finally took the next step (largely unsuccessfully), and Lynette finally ended her battle with the possum in her garden. Oh, and her battle with cancer. All in all, a very eventful Halloween on Wisteria Lane.

Bob and Lee, it seems, are very into Halloween, and are looking to make friends. Um, perhaps NOT putting a giant, ugly, noisy fountain in your front yard and being jerks about it would have been easier than throwing an elaborate Halloween party for the entire neighborhood. Who am I to complain, though, when the party provides a hysterical sight: Danielle, sick of being cooped up in the house, shows up dressed as Bree! It's awesome. Until her water breaks. And hmm...she's so far along that they have to get Adam (Katherine's husband, dressed as Frankenstein) to deliver the baby at Bree's house, letting him in on their big secret. Perhaps Bree will have to help him out and keep his big Chicago secret sometime soon, eh? I actually found the scene where Danielle forced herself to give Bree her son very affecting, though I think it's debatable what the "right thing" for him would be, aside from giving him to a family that's NOT full of crazies. Just sayin'.

In my current favorite storyline, Carlos and Gabby are finally leaving their respective significant others. Edie is pissed, but not nearly as pissed as when she turns him in to the IRS, only to find that his offshore account doesn't exist anymore. Victor, for his part, doesn't even know Gabby left him. Which is kind of what happens when you leave your "I'm leaving you" message on a hotel voicemail ending with "you don't have to call me back." Gabby. (Yeah, it was just that awesome.) Victor's father, who did get the message, offers Gabby a fat payoff if she stays through the election, which Carlos sees as akin to prostitution. Which, fair enough, yo. And also, what town, exactly, is Victor mayor of that it would be a good jumping-off point to be Governor of California? Seriously, I want to know. Because that part of the plotline is unrealistic enough that it's increasingly bothering me.

Once Gabby finds out about Carlos's embezzled millions, she's thrilled, but pretty much immediately pissed she didn't get half in the divorce. Pissed enough to refuse to be with him on account of untrustworthiness, in fact. Um, crazy, and Carlos is rightly baffled. I can't decide if this was a totally unrealistic plotline, given Gabby's liberties with the truth in the past and her love of money in the present, or if it was right on, given Gabby's general instability in the past, present, and future. Probably the latter. So wow, who else totally isn't buying Victor's claim that he won't run for Governor? And hello, Gabby also totally overheard him and his dad discussing her bringing the Latino vote on their wedding day, too, so why would SHE ever buy it? However, this may all be a moot point given that Gabby and Carlos are going to be very dead, very soon now that Edie has given Victor evidence of their affair. Something tells me Victor wasn't joking around when he was talking to Carlos at the charades party.

Susan's plotline was infuriatingly dumb enough that I don't want to waste too much electronic ink on it. However, it did provide the biggest laugh of the night, so I won't ignore it altogether. During genetic counseling for their baby, Susan describes the various webbed feet and third nipples in her extended family. Mike: "Apparently, I married into carny folk." Ha! Small hands...smell like cabbage. Things quickly get serious, though, when it comes out that Mike's dad is in jail for murder, and not dead like Mike told Susan when they started dating.

Even worse: he killed a guy for no better reason than a workplace rivalry. Still worse: he doesn't feel that bad about it, leaving Susan to think her baby will be born soul-less. This all probably wasn't helped when Mike foolishly reminded her that he also killed a guy once. But oh, Susan. Given the number of spills you've probably taken during this pregnancy, I think your baby's genetic conscience is the least of your concerns. And what the heck is the deal with Mike's dad basically calling Mike a ticking time bomb of sociopathic violence due to the childhood trauma of having his dad sent to prison? (Not in so many words, but I caught the drift.) I give that out-of-character garbage a big fat whatever, and hope fervently that it won't be part of the plot.

While everyone else is out making merry and living in fear, Lynette is going crazy over a possum in her garden while she awaits the results of her PET scan. Seriously, there's an air rifle involved, and a really fake-looking dead possum. So fake, in fact, that I wonder if she accidentally killed a mutant woodchuck of some sort. Apparently, defending her homestead from a possum is necessary because you fight things that attack your home and try to destroy you. Heeeeey...it's almost like she's talking about the cancer a little! Happily, her oncologist stops by that night to let her know that's she's clear and cancer-free. Yay! Now she'll have time to ferry her kids back and forth from the therapy that will be necessary for the rest of their lives after seeing Frankenstein birth a baby. Eww.