Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: I'd rather go naked than watch Janice get plastic surgery

Just when I thought I couldn't love Janice any more, she staged a PETA protest on tonight's episode of Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. Of course, she also made us watch her getting plastic surgery, so I'm going to call it a wash. There was a lot going on, so let's break it down...

Jack Henry Shoot: Back at the Jack Henry shoot, Erika is still sucking hardcore and pissing off Tia, the owner, to the point where Tia goes into a spastic series of poses as an example for her, from the disturbing “Yo, wazzup?” to the perplexing “Sad Clown.” Happily, Janice shows up before my eyeballs can be further damaged by either Tia’s insane posing or Erika’s enormous forehead (in Tyra terms, it’s more of a tenhead than a fivehead). Janice puts up a fight, but Tia insists upon replacing Erika with Ligia, who knocks it out of the park.

Another excuse for Janice to get her models naked: In a side plot that gets my vegan seal of approval, we move on to a presentation given to the models by Dan Mathews from PETA, who blows their delicate model minds with news that animals used for fur aren’t exactly given the spa treatment. The words “anally electrocuted” are bandied about, just to give you an example, and a tape is shown revealing how inhumanely the animals are treated. I give the show a hearty “Hells yeah!” for giving PETA this platform, and I encourage anyone who is at ALL on board with wearing fur to do a little reading before buying their next jacket with fur trim. Because it’s really, really not okay.

Janice declares her agency fur-free, and signs her models up for an “I’d rather go naked than wear fur” protest on Hollywood Boulevard (in their underwear, for those who don’t want to risk being arrested). Janice gives models the option to look like heartless animal-haters and opt out, and Ligia takes the bait. Uncool, Ligia, but props for standing up for your (cough*cruel*cough) beliefs in the face of a lot of aggressive pressure from your fellow models.

The protest draws a big crowd of onlookers, media, and law enforcement. Kehoe, in a moment of passion, even gets totally naked (and luckily avoids arrest). As someone who’s participated in more than my share of anti-fur protests, I feel the need to mock the models a bit for their lack of creative chants (“PETA, PETA!” may not be getting your message across), but it really is great exposure for the cause. Well-played, Janice. To quote Sorin on the subject, “She might be nuts, crazy, but she has a good heart.”

Dragonfly: We get a quick casting for the Dragonfly clothing store, which is looking for models who look like dead rock stars. Okay, that may be in poor taste. Maria pisses Janice off by basically telling the client to look at her. It doesn’t pay off, as Desireé, Ligia, Braneka, Dominique, Crystal, Nadia, Traci, Isaac, Payton, Alex, Kehoe, and Grant get the job. For several of them, this will be their first job.

Braneka is excited to be portraying Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes from TLC, and completely rocks it out. Payton, portraying Elvis, is painfully wooden and unrehearsed. Alex, as Jim Morrison, actually did his research, which helps. For the curious, the other models we see are Desireé as Kurt Cobain, Dominique as Janis Joplin, Traci as Joey Ramone, and Kehoe and Crystal as Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. Everything goes uncharacteristically smoothly, which may or may not be related to the fact that Peter is filling in for Janice while she's...well, see below.

Gross: Janice, in the pursuit of flawlessness and publicity, goes under the knife for a tummy tuck, even letting Entertainment Tonight into the operating room for a pre-op interview. Um…props for being honest about it, I suppose? On the one hand, I think people should know that Janice’s figure doesn’t come naturally at that age, so they shouldn’t even bother starving themselves or whatever. On the other hand, does putting it out in the open just make plastic surgery more culturally acceptable? Something to think about, certainly. Aaaaand, now we can add “Janice Dickinson’s stomach being sliced open and sewn back together” to the list of things I’ve seen and wish I could erase from my memory. That’s all I’m gonna say on the subject.

SensiClear: We get some footage of CC trying SensiClear and hoping she books the job, despite the fact that it hasn't really helped her skin that much. The day of the reveal, several of the models seem to be showing serious improvement, though it’s a bit tough to say, given the amount of makeup they’re wearing. The four finalists who will be in the infomercial are CC (the only actual JDMA model up for the job), Tom, Megan, and Eli, but the year-long $10,000 contract goes to Eli, who showed a ton of improvement. Or is wearing a ton of makeup. Again, it's hard to tell.

Ed Hardy/Janice vs. Peter - Round One: Despite orders to be on bed rest, Janice comes in to meet with repeat client Christian Audigier from Ed Hardy, since she thinks he’s too important to meet with just Peter. He wants to cast his big runway show in Vegas, and chooses CC, Desireé, Lisa, Lakiska, and Daria as his favorites. Maria, especially, is pissed to not be booked. For the guys, he likes Dominic, JP, Michael, Payton, and Rodrigo. Peter runs in to announce that JP and Dominic aren’t available to do the show because they’re booked for 2(x)ist (which is news to a pissed-off JP), and Janice freaks out and tells him he needs to leave the set. Which, yeah, there is some definite miscommunication going on here, though it's hard to say from what we've seen who's at fault.

Next week: Janice and Peter fight some more, unsurprisingly.