Thursday, September 28, 2006

Kidnapped: Ph34r |{n4pp'$ 1337 $|{i11z!

OMG Kn4pp is teh r0XX0rz!!1!!!11! Always one step ahead of the feds! Gets midnight calls from cryptic convicts resembling Bill Gates! Knows that the feds know that he knows they're watching him! He even knows 1337! Although, to be fair, it's not that hard to figure out. Ask Colleen about the time when I cracked her complicated 1337 code simply by reading it.

There's more kidnapping this week, as the Cains' older daughter, Aubrey, also becomes a hostage. Aubrey may not be as smart as Leopold - she basically thinks she's on an extended hook-up until she finds the surveillance pictures in her boy toy Kenny's car - but she can also hold her breath under water for a long time. I'm telling you now, there had better be some payoff. I really hope the show is not just doing it because it looks cool to have the actors staring up through the water and then suddenly surfacing. Anyway, Kenny's clearly in the employ of the Cooler King, but he also has connections to Conrad. For you see, Conrad came from Queens, and, as Kenny tells Aubrey before he is (of course) interrupted, "Connie forgot where he came from."

The feds come very close to ruining everything again when Knapp corners Kenny; all those FBI cars screeching up puts poor Kenny on edge and he holds Aubrey at gunpoint. But Atkins from Anchorage singlehandedly saves the entire Bureau's reputation (or just has a bit of dumb luck) by shooting Kenny in the neck. Yes, he killed Kenny. But I actually like him, so I'm not going to call him a bastard.

And Leopold breaks out! I told you he was no Kim. More of a Michelle. Unfortunately, he's in Mexico, and the gangs outside may be worse than the kidnappers inside.