Saturday, September 02, 2006

Welcome to Glowy Box!

We love TV. So do you, or you wouldn't be here. And TV loves you back. It's true. TV laughs with you when you're happy and comforts you when you're sad. It relaxes you after a long day at the office and entertains you when you're bored. When your TV is on, you're never alone, because someone is always with you. Even if that someone is an evil rapist and murderer like T-Bag, you can be secure in the knowledge that he can't come through the TV and shank you with his good hand. TV wouldn't let that happen to you.

Like Homer says: teacher, mother, secret lover. From your earliest moments, TV tries to raise you right and provide valuable life lessons. Don't send a girl down the runway unless her ass is fully covered. Never lead a raid on the Chinese embassy. When confronted with danger and death, always have a snappy comeback or a morbid quip handy. And always take Backup.

But for all TV does for us, it is still a secret lover. It's fashionable to say, "Oh, I don't watch TV" or "I don't own a TV." There's an entire week devoted to trying to get you to turn off your TV. Why? Movie aficionados get a free pass. They can debate the director's cut vs. the original cut of Touch of Evil to their hearts' content. TV lovers? There are more of us out there, but we're too ashamed to say anything. You tell someone you love TV, you sound like you're an intellectual vacuum, lying on the couch, cramming snacks into your mouth as you watch Falcon Beach or Fear Factor. But for every one of those shows, there are two that make you think. Or, at least, make us think, and rant, and rave, and this is what Glowy Box is for.

Go ahead, share your TV love. You know it loves you back.


Liz said...

But...but...I love Falcon Beach! AND snacks! And I don't even HAVE a couch--just a futon!

Ouch, dude. OUCH. Does it help if I only love Falcon Beach for its laughably poor writing, production quality, and acting?

Lori said...

Would it be okay for you to watch 7th Heaven for the same reasons? No. No, it would not.

Liz said...

I guess the line between "so bad it's good" and "so bad it's unwatchable" is located between Falcon Beach and 7th Heaven. Good to know.

Also, to be fair, Falcon Beach isn't preachy like 7th Heaven, which is part of what makes the latter impossible to sit through.

Anonymous said...

See, I've always thought that it was the "we're going to be all preachy about how you should live while having characters stalk each other and behave in a borderline sociopathic manner" elements that made 7th Heaven the high comedy that it is.

Plus, how can you hate a show that had an episode where Pat Boone plays an evil real estate developer who zeros in on the Camden house after his prized hat is stolen by two borderline-autistic-seeming seven-year-olds.


Liz said...

Hmm, "Terry," you make a valid point. However, while I appreciate the hilarious hypocrisy (and Pat Boone!) in theory, I still find the show somewhat unwatchable.

Maybe if the acting/writing/production were a tiny step higher. Say, at the "Charmed" level of suckiness...