Desperate Housewives: If a moron gets arrested in the woods, and no one's around to hear it...

In last night's slightly weak episode of Desperate Housewives (sweeps sets a high bar, Marc Cherry), Gabby gives a bunch of little wanna-be models eating disorders, Susan faces off with Ian's butler and ends up with a drawer, Lynette obsesses over a possible child molester, and Bree tries to deal with Orson's mother. That is, until said mother lets slip that Orson cheated on Alma with Monique.

That's right, the Monique whom Orson pretended not to recognize in the morgue on his and Bree's wedding night. Awk! Ward! Also: Monique really got around in that neighborhood--damn! Needless to say, Bree kicks Orson out. Oh, and Andrew finally reverts to his true self, selling his alcoholic grandmother a bottle of wine. Nice, Andrew. Nice.

In Desperate Househusbands news, Carlos crashes with Mike, whom he calls his best friend. Ha. They have Tom over for a football game, where Mike asks the guys what he was like before the accident. They answer honestly: mysterious and stand-offish. Incidentally, Mike lost more than his memories in the accident--he also lost any criminal smarts he once had. Knowing that the police were looking for his toolbox, and knowing that they had been staking out his house, Mike thought it would be a bright move to drive out to the woods to bury the toolbox. Yeah, busted. Dumbass.

Oh, and what the heck happened to Kayla? Didn't Nora make Lynette promise to take good care of her? I'm pretty sure that doesn't entail ditching her at the local orphanage, or her mysterious grandmothers' house, or IHOP. I'm assuming I missed something here, because I didn't see her hanging out with the Scavo kids last night, but I don't remember her being sent anywhere else. Eh, whatever...next week's holiday episode looks like a good one!