Ugly Betty: Papa Don't... Just Don't

As if there weren't enough subplots I didn't care about, now we get the Mystery of Mama Suarez's First Husband. Yawn. I'm much more invested in the telenovela subplots (the baby is a soccer ball! Joke's on you, Father!). So I'm just kind of dozing as Papa Suarez tells the story of Mama Suarez's abusive first husband and how Papa Suarez killed him and – what? He killed him? What the hell? What show am I watching? Ugly Betty is mostly fun and campy, but even the dramatic parts stop well short of manslaughter. It's jarring, and it doesn't work for me.

Daniel spends the episode salivating over Salma Hayek, who's a strong, independent woman and therefore rejects his advances. So I think we can safely expect to see her inside Daniel's pants by the time November sweeps is over. One person who'll be staying out of his pants is Amanda, who confesses that she had the watch and then bids him happy trails. Good for you, Amanda. At least there's one person on Thursday nights who can stay away from someone who's no good for them (George).

And if there was a daughter in last week's episode, she has to go off in this week's. Wilhelmina's daughter Nico is staying with her, since she's been kicked out of another boarding school. She's supposed to be about 15 years old, but she looks like she's old enough to join her grandpa in Congress. And because Mommy never cared, Nico acts out, shoplifting from "Bergman's," eating (gasp!) cereal, and, finally, staging a fur protest in the Meade lobby, which, come on. It's not even a nude protest. She's not hardcore. So when Wilhelmina turns the protest into a plug for the Must issue (animal rights vs. fashion rights – they can't coexist?), Nico gets an afterschool special speech, blah blah neglectful mother wah. No, I have no sympathy for Nico. She doesn't appreciate her evil mom, she doesn't appreciate her mom's evil minion, and she acts out in amateurish ways. Au revoir, Nico. Come back when you've inherited the Slater evil.